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            Showing posts with label Web Junk.
            Showing posts with label Web Junk.

            Thursday, November 6, 2014

            T-Pain Singing Without Autotune Is Awesome. And Sad.

            [Editor's Note: I'm giving the thinkpiece treatment to a web video about a has-been singer. Yeah, it's that kinda day. You thought I'd be talking about the election results?]

            Yeah, I realize I'm a few days late with this one. Whatever, I've been working. It happens. In any event, the Internets were going Nuts earlier this week when a video of T-Pain doing an edition of NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert made the rounds. Most of the comments expressed amazement that Teddy Pinned Her A$$ Down could actually carry a tune without the assistance of a computer. And after having watched this myself, I found it enjoyable, and sad at the same time.

            I'm not exactly shocked that T-Pain can carry a tune. The guy is naturally talented. He can rap better than 75% of the numbskulls on the radio right now, can write songs, is funny, and probably would have made the transition to TV/acting if he had a more foreward looking manager. Well, that, and Jay-Z's "Death Of Autotune", a mostly pointless and forgettable song that somehow convinced people that T-Pain was lame and essentially stalled his career.

            I guess the more surprising thing here is that people thought T-Pain couldn't sing. I mean, come on, seriously? What's the likelihood that a husky darkskinned guy from Tallahassee would get put on if he couldn't sing in the first place? Making it as an R&B singer today requires some level of talent after all. What's sad is that the industry's so screwed up that an otherwise talented person had to resort to using a gimmick to be relevant. In a different era, T-Pain woulda been Jeffrey Osborne or Peabo Bryson, and might not be reduced to singing songs about bartenders and a$$es to get airplay. But alas, this is not such an era. R&B sucks, "urban radio" is unlistenable, and I've got Little Dragon in my headphones a whole lot of late.

            Here's to hoping T-Pain using his newfound (fleeting?) notoriety to get his career back on track.

            Eff' an autotune.

            Question: Were you shocked that T-Pain could actually sing.

            Thursday, October 30, 2014

            About That Bobby Shmurda Audition Video....

            If you haven't heard "Hot N*gga", don't know what the "Shmoney Dance" is, or generally have decent taste in music, you might wanna sit this one out. I don't have the time, energy, or inclination to describe the fleeting one-hit-wonder known as Bobby Shmurda. I just hope he, that weirdo who sings "Club Goin' Up On A Tuesday", and Trinidad James all have good financial handlers. Because they're all gonna be back to working the 3rd shift at Wendy's at some point, and the folks who pull up at the drive-thru are gonna have plenty of material to rag them about.

            Case in point.

            That, my friends, is what is often referred to as coonery. Apparently when he went to Epic to negotiate his record deal, Shmurda put on an impromptu concert with a medley of his biggest hits. And yeah, it was cringeworthy. Look at the white women in the first row. They look like they've just been street harassed at their Day Job. Look at the (smattering of) black folks. They look like "did I just spend $150k on an Columbia education to deal with this sh*t?"

            I could make a larger point about how indicative this is of the current state of hip-hop, but whatever. I'm more interested about how "behind closed doors" meetings somehow get recorded and go viral. What's up with that?

            Question: Does this make you sadder for Bobby Shmurda or the handful of "black record company execs" in the room?

            Monday, September 22, 2014

            Black News Anchor Quits Job In Most Gangsta Way Possible.

            Wow. What a way to go out...

            Question: Just curious, have you even quit a job in dramatic fashion? Tell your story here.

            Friday, August 8, 2014

            Black People Are Not Monolithic.

            Okay, maybe some of us are...

            Wednesday, August 6, 2014

            FakeABaby.com Is A Website That's Going To Get Some Woman Seriously Injured.

            . No, seriously, look at this sh*t.
            That's right, ladies. For a mere $9.95, you can keep your man (at least momentarily) by trapping him with a fake baby.

            Got a real, legitimate bun in the oven? Not sure if your man's the daddy, or that one guy you screwed at Essence Music Fest? We got fake DNA tests for that!

            Did you take the $390 he gave you for an abortion and go spend it at Nordstrom? Need a fake ultrasound to show him what he coulda actually had? Got em'.
            A website full of fake baby bumps, ultrasounds, prescriptions, and DNA tests. Yeah, sounds like an awesome "prank", said no woman ever.

            I love this "disclaimer" on the website.
            CAUTION: This item has the potential to be used irresponsibly. By completing and submitting the form below, you agree not to use this product for purposes which may be illegal, immoral, fraudulent or hurtful to others. Like almost any item in existence, this product may be used for fun or for evil, depending solely on the intentions of the user. It is designed as a novelty/gag device. Be sure your “mark” has a sense of humor before unleashing this product upon them!We again urge CAUTION when using gags which have the potential of causing emotional harm (as almost any gag or practical joke does). KNOW YOUR VICTIM. Many people will not find this issue humorous in the slightest. Be sure your “mark” has an “evolved” sense of humor.
            Yes, because a man should definitely have a sense of humor if he's even trapped with a fake baby. Exactly.[1]

            Let's be real, this website is for nefarious purposes. Spencer Gifts it ain't. And some woman is going to pull this sh*t on her man and end up in a ditch (or at the bottom of a flight of stairs) before all is said and done.

            Question: Is this merely a fun prank that I'm blowing way out of proportion, or should some things simply not be joked about?

            [1] Yes, this was just an excuse for me to watch Maury clips online. Man, being unemployed, getting a check, and sitting 北京体彩网官方网站 watching Maury and judge shows all day would be the life.

            Monday, August 4, 2014

            Game Of Thrones: Toddler Edition.

            I know this isn't supposed to be funny, but it is.

            Thursday, June 5, 2014

            Janelle Ambrosia And The Slut Shaming Of Internet Racists.

            I prefer my racism blatant, not disguised or covert. I'm 40 years old now, so it's a lot easier to have someone make it quite clear where they stand as opposed to me having to guess. I'm just black lazy like that. Because blackness.

            With that said, there are varying degrees of racism. An idiot telling me I'm must be hot because I'm a black man driving a black car on a summer day ranks around a .05 on the 10 point racism scale. An idiot realtor telling me he's not going to show me and my wife 北京体彩网官方网站s in a certain neighborhood because he "doesn't think it would be a good cultural fit" ranks about a 3. Police pulling me over in broad daylight with all 4 windows down because my "tint was sorta dark", although said window tint is factory issued ranks around a 6.

            It's levels to this sh*t.

            A video that is lighting up the internets (namely Black Twitter) right now, displays some seriously , but in the grand scheme of things, it's still only about a 2.
            Janelle Ambrosia, the woman captured in a YouTube video going on a racist tirade in western New York this weekend, told WBLK host Big Rob Wednesday morning that her comments had been prompted when the man she was yelling at had almost hit her child with his car. Ambrosia swore she was not a racist, but was bipolar, and that her ex was attempting to use the video to obtain custody of her children.

            “I’m not a racist, I have a black cousin,” Ambrosia said, adding that the man had called her a “Crackheaded cracker” before the video.

            Big Rob asked how the word “nigger” entered the equation.

            “Quite frankly, if you look it up, nigger means an ignorant person,” she replied. “It has nothing to do with race. But it’s okay for him to call me a racist or honky. That’s racist.”

            “I’m really not a racist, I was just pissed off,” she said. “If he didn’t try to almost hit my kids, none of this would have happened.” She declined a chance to apologize.

            There’s still a chance this is some crazy improv group, but it’s diminishing.
            Here's the original video that has landed the woman in serious trouble.

            Here's her appearance on a local radio show, after which she undermined herself by going on Twitter and acting a complete ass.

            I'm sure I'm gonna piss a lot of ya'll off here, but I'm gonna play the blame the victim card. Yes, this woman is a racist jackass. Yes, she was out of line for calling this man a n*gger for merely having the nerve to start his car. Yes, it's deeply concerning that a woman with some very obvious drug problems is responsible for rearing kids. Yes to all of that.

            But come on, what's with the brother filming this sh*t? You're at a Dollar General store. The lady's an asshole. What's the point in filming this, putting the video on Youtube, and now putting the woman in danger of losing her job as a stripper and custody of her kids? What does that actually accomplish? Does it make her less racist (judging by her Twitter stream, no)? Does it free the kids of this sort of malicious influence (unlikely, given the fact that their Dad's prolly worse)? Does it mean she won't be able to give lapdances to drunken patrons while "Thunderstruck" plays in the background (also unlikely. Because strippers)?

            No, it just means the internets gets to slut shame another dumb person into a slightly more depressing state of being, while patting itself on the back for "calling out racism". It's a lot easier to point the fingers at an ignorant, powerless woman than it is to call out politicians, media personalities, law enforcement officers, and business owners who are bit more artful with their ignorance, yet have far more power to impact the damage on the lives of those whom they harbor racial bias against.

            So yeah, let's all just gang up on the N-word spouting, meth addicted, bipolar stripper. Because that's low hanging fruit, and it tastes so much better.

            Question: Assuming you're familiar with this story, what's your read on it? Is all racism equal, or are there indeed levels to this sh*t?

            Wednesday, April 30, 2014

            Bomani Jones On The Real Problem With Donald Sterling.

            I don't agree with this guy most of the time either, but he's spot-on with this commentary.

            Tuesday, March 18, 2014

            Disillusioned Obama Supporter Hilariously Burns T-Shirt In Protest.

            "Youth is wasted on the young". It's an adage that's typically blabbed by over the hill guys like me, but it's not without validity. When you're young, you have outlandishly idealistic ideas about how the world should operate, and scant experience in how it actually does. The "hope" hasn't been drained from you yet, which is in fact a lovely thing. Because seriously, no 20 year old should already feel that all things aren't possible. It's pretty sad to see people who've already quit being optimistic at an age when the world should be your proverbial oyster.

            Which is why I can't watch this video and do anything other than laugh.

            Well isn't that cute? Little Carey Wedler is disappointed that a politician actually turned out to be a politician, and not some Magical Negro who would live up to her every hope and dream. Pour out a lil' of your $7 latte and bemoan the day when this poor girl realized there was no Santa Claus.

            Much like Knicks fans salivating over today's arrival of Phil Jackson[1], someone should have sat Ms. Wedler down in 2007 and explained the harsh reality of headed her way. But that would have been cruel. She had to learn the hard way, I suppose.

            Question: What did you think of this young lady's self-serving public denouncement of her support for Obama? Did the GOP just gain a new voter or did this girl finally realize there's no Tooth Fairy?

            [1] Trust me Knicks fans, this will get waaaay uglier before it gets prettier. It has to if it's going to actually work. And given the scores of other "saviors" that arrived at MSG and left without guiding the franchise to the promised land, I'm thinking this ends badly. No disrespect to Phil Jackson, of course, but still...

            Thursday, March 13, 2014

            Grand Theft Auto: Denver.

            Back in the Vice City days, I used to love playing Grand Theft Auto for hours on end. Of course, I had one child then. I now have three. You can probably surmise that my GTA days are long since over, given the massive amount of 北京体彩网官方网站work I've got to check, youth sports I have to chauffer kids to, and of course, there's always gangsta children's television to monitor. So in short, I haven't played GTA in ages.

            , it's like the real life thing, albeit with the main character as a Colorado methhead on the run from the law. And snow. But mostly the meth.
            A wanted maniac led police on a wild, high-speed chase through Colorado on Wednesday after he stole a car from a gas station and then managed to carjack two other drivers during the pursuit.

            The alleged thief, Ryan Stone, was arrested at around 8 a.m. after he crashed at intersection outside Denver and tried to escape police by fleeing through the snow on foot, local news footage showed. A Colorado State Trooper was injured in the chase and was taken to a Littleton hospital with serious but not life-threatening injuries, local ABC News reported. One source told the station the trooper suffered a broken leg.

            Authorities said the pursuit began at around 6 a.m. when Stone, 28, swiped a maroon Ford Edge SUV with a 4-year-old child in it from a Bradley's gas station in Longmont. The child's mother had left the car idling while she went inside to pay for gas, authorities said.

            Stone, who cops said was wanted on drug charges (editor's note: no sh*t), jumped inside and sped off, heading south on I-25. As police and news helicopters tailed the vehicle, the driver tore through rush hour traffic, veering onto the shoulders to pass other cars.

            After exiting the highway, he eventually ended up on I-76, where he headed off a tan minivan travelling on an exit ramp. Stone, who was dressed in a gold and black jacket, leaped out of the Ford and pulled the driver and another person out of the van, harrowing news footage showed...

            ...About a mile later, he flew into an intersection near Peoria St. and Lincoln Ave., about 20 miles south of downtown Denver, and slammed into another car, crippling his getaway car.

            He fled on foot through the snow and tried to hop a chain link fence, but couldn't get over.

            As officers closed in, he lay on his stomach and was quickly pinned down and cuffed. Police said he did not have a weapon on him. Longmont police spokesman Commander Jeffrey Satur told the Associated Press that Stone was wanted on a "dangerous drug" charge after he didn't show up to a court hearing March 4.

            Stone was with his girlfriend when she was stopped in an apparently stolen car in Longmont Tuesday night, Satur said. It's not clear why he wasn't arrested then.

            Stone was "definitely running like a person who did not want to go back to jail," Satur said. It wasn't yet clear if the driver in the last collision was injured.

            The Denver Post reported Stone had a long rap sheet dating back to 2003, including busts for assault, drugs, weapons possession and child abuse.
            Put some of your favorite trap music on in the background, make this video fullscreen, and enjoy the pure, unbridled ignorance of Mr. Ryan Stone as he indulges in some very hoodrat behavior. Don't worry, nobody was seriously injured here, so go ahead and partake without guilt.

            Holy crap, was that something or was that something?!? This guy is lucky he didn't kill himself, and he's very lucky the cops didn't shoot his dumb ass once he finally got out the car. You know, like in real GTA.

            Question: Was that better than the real GTA or what?!?

            Friday, January 17, 2014

            The Devil Baby Attack Prank.

            I watch a lot of horror movies, usually within the comfy confines of my own 北京体彩网官方网站. So I probably won't be seeing "Devil's Due" anytime soon, but I gotta admit, this is a darn clever way to virally market your movie. Of course, 99% of people who watch this probably think the movie's called "Devil's Baby", so....

            Bonus, here's a similar viral prank for 387th remake of the movie "Carrie" a few months ago.[1]

            Question: How do you think you'd respond to this prank?!?

            [1] I'm not 100% sure the participants (including the "customers") in this one aren't all actors. They all just look a bit too "polished". Maybe that's just me.

            Thursday, December 19, 2013

            What I Learned Over A Month (Or So) As A Non-Black Anoymous Internet Commenter.

            A month (or so) ago, I changed my ubiquitous avatar from a cartoonish approximation of my handsome real life visage, to a race neutral cartoonish approximation of a guy holding an American Flag. I also ditched my screen name, making it something fairly generic ("A/B") as well.

            [Editor's Note: This piece likely has a million and one grammatic and spelling errors. I'm not proofreading it, nor fixing them. Mostly because I'm lazy. And also, because #science. Don't let that deter you.]

            The point of this was to see if my opinions would be responded to more readily if people weren't initially forming their rebuttal with my race in mind. It was a social experiment of sorts, but it was also an acknowledgement that I get tired of being accused of being an unemployed welfare moocher with 6 illegitimate kids by people who don't know me when I'm merely trying to debate the finer points of the Afforable Care Act with some stranger on Mediaite.

            There's no denying that people are more apt to repond in a different manner online that when in person. And there's likewise no doubt that people are going to form opinions of you based on ther sole appearance related item (an avatar) that you typically present online. Heck, people respond based on their (perceived) level of safety.

            Tell em, Louis CK.[1]

            After doing this for a month, I changed my avatar and screen name back today. I wish I could present you guys a more scientific analysis of what I learned via this little experiement, but it's close to the holidays, and I'm lazy and whatnot, so this will have to suffice.
            People (Initially) Treated Me Much Better And Didn't Just (Initially) Outright Dismiss My Opinion - To be certain, I didn't change the nature of my typical comment on any of the sites I typically weigh in on. I don't usually identify myself as black when I comment either, unless the subject calls for that, and I never did so during this month. Not once in my generic avi experiment was I accused of being on The Welfare or getting SNAP benefits. Being a "liberal" and an ObamaBot, sure. But nothing racial. Ever. And I found fellow commenters far more likely to engage in debate, rather than just dismissing me. Hmmmmmm.

            I Never Got "Outed" - You'd think people would just click on my profile, see the link to my site, and figure out I was a black guy. Didn't happen. I'm not shocked either, because most people don't have that kinda time.

            I'm Not Surprised By Any Of This, Nor Do I Really Think It's A Problem. - There is racism in America. That's a fact, despite whatever Fox News might suggest. It just is what it is, and I don't think it's going away anytime soon. To police their comment boards, , in an attempt to limiting trolls and anonymous comments. The thought is that if people have to put their real name and face beside what they're saying they'll likely be more considerate and thus more civil.[2] As a guy who has made his name via a largely anonymous online persona, you might guess where I fall on this topic.
            All in all, this results of this experiment weren't really suprising. I long assumed people lobbed racist comments at me because I was black, and that was essentially confirmed. And I don't really know if my life's any better for wear with that bit of information.

            Question: What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you also find people online respond to you based on assumptions formed via your avatar/screen name?

            [1] Speaking of appearance-based stereotypes, I slept on this guy for the longest because I assumed I wouldn't find his style of comedy very relatable. I was completely wrong. I don't know if I agree with the "genius" label many people fling at him, but seriously, this dude is absolutely hilarious.

            [2] See the comedy clip again, just for reinforcement of this concept.

            Crude Rap Lyrics, Read By Middle Schoolers.

            This video is going viral, so I'm goin' it. And I (sorta) get the point here. They're basically trying to slut shame black people into not using the N-Word. That tactic is okay, because I think it's a sign of ignorance and shouldn't be used by anyone.

            But seriously, given all the recent debates about who should be able to use the word (and considering who still purchases 75% of rap music), shouldn't there be at least one white kid in this video? Isn't that at least some small part of the problem?

            For the record, I don't use the word nigger. I do love ignorant assed rap music though, and I take every possible safeguard to ensure my kids don't even know such music exists. My 5 year old couldn't pick Beyonce out of a police lineup, but he loves Laurie Berkner and the Despicable Me 2 soundtrack. #parenting

            My point is, I don't think this video is effective beyond the initial shock of hearing a little girl say "I love bad bitches that's my fuckin problem". Would the sort of parent who lets their kid listen to non-radio cuts of 2 Chainz re-evaluate their place in life after watching this? Prolly not.

            And again, where the hell the white kids at!?!?

            Question: What do you think? As a parent, how (if at all) do you monitor what your kids listen to?

            Wednesday, November 13, 2013

            About My New .AVI And Racist Commenters...

            While I love AB.com (duh!) and love interacting with you guys here, I spend time elsewhere on the interwebs. I love a variety of sites like Mediaite, The Atlantic, Salon, Slate, The Fox Nation, BreitBart, and The National Review, mostly because I love occasional trolling and these sites have some dimwitted people more than willing to feed me.

            That prior sentence was only partially true: sometimes I like attempting to engage people with opposing viewpoints. Not because I'm trying to impose my opinion on them, but because I genuinely want to know what makes people tick. Some websites (like this one) are pretty reasonable places for people to actually debate topics without things descending into name calling. Mostly because I don't write the sort of content that draws morons, and also because you guys are pretty darn good at self policing. Take a bow.

            Every site isn't as civil as this one, of course. Many of the sites I named above are little more than SEO 北京体彩网官方网站 troll bait disguised as intellectual discussion. And more times than not, my geniune inquiries on these sites results in someone hurling some racist, ignorant drivel at me without even paying any attention to what I actually typed.

            This drivel almost always seems to mention the words "Obama", "welfare", "liberal", "ghetto", "moocher", "plantation", "Africa", "below-average intelligence" "hood", "goverment check", and sometimes the dreaded "N-word". It's almost as if people can't deal with any substantive rebuttal of their own opinions without resorting to time tested racial slurs, overt and otherwise. And yes, I already know this is the sign of a feeble minded person who doesn't deserve a reply. No need to remind me.

            That said, I suspect 90% of these replies are knee-jerk reactions to my Disqus profile name (AverageBro) and my accompanying avatar (the handsome cartoon version of the real-life handsomer me). This of course makes me wonder if people would respond without resorting to name-calling if they didn't have a basis on which to form said name-calling.

            In short, if people didn't know I was black, would they automatically resort to name-calling? Would I just judged by the content of my comment, rather than the color of my jpeg?

            So to that effect, I'm going to momentarily genericize my Disqus profile just to perform my own social experiment. Maybe I'll do a followup post in awhile. Until then, don't be thrown off. My new screen name is "A/B" and my new avi is that little guy holding the American flag. And if ya' don't know, now ya' know...

            I'd be interested in knowing your Avi Adventures as well.

            Question: Do you find people respond a certain way based on your screen name/avi? Do they make certain assumptions based on this? How/why did you choose your avi/name?

            Wednesday, September 11, 2013

            GhettoTracker.com: Racist Or Valuable Public Service?!?

            I travel fairly regularly as part of my day job, and often those travels take me to small towns and cities I'm not intimately familiar with. Since I'm the curious type (and often on the road alone), I always find some time to venture beyond my hotel after hours, usually in search of a non-chain restaurant for dinner, or some keepsakes to take back 北京体彩网官方网站 to my kids.[1]

            Since I often know little about these places other than what I dig up on Wikipedia, by Negro Antennae are always up as I'm driving around. The worse possible way to go out is to get jacked by some fools at a stoplight in rural Kansas, so I'm usually very cautious. I know all the usual tell-tale signs of an area where you might wanna be very aware of your surroundings. When you start seeing a bunch of carryout fried chicken places, bail bonds, churches, bootleg cell phone stores, and people openly pushin' weight on the corner, you know you've f*cked around and ended up in the hood'. I'm wise enough to recognize the warning signs and act accordingly. "Act accordingly" usually just means roll up the windows, lock the doors, and find a good parking spot close to said carryout fried chicken place. Again, I'm well versed in this, so I'm know what I'm getting into, and I made it to age 40, so I'm either very lucky or very observant.

            If you're not one blessed with an eye for all things ghetto though, you could accidentally f*ck around and end up on the 11 o'clock news. Thankfully, for tourists, suburbanites, and other's not versed in ghettology, . And it's got a lot of people very upset.
            A service called "Ghetto Tracker" appeared online at the beginning of this week and quickly drew criticism for its racist and classist overtones. Shortly after, the site was renamed "Good Part of Town." Its creator, who would only identify himself as a 30-something-year-old in Tallahassee, told Gawker: "This was originally seriously developed as a travel tool and the name 'Ghetto Tracker' was meant to be something that people would remember."

            The basic premise of Ghetto Tracker/Good Part of Town -- to crowdsource travel advice – actually isn’t so outrageous, but the framing, even without the word "Ghetto" in the name, and the intention -- to label whole geographic areas as "good" or "bad," "safe" and "unsafe" -- make the operation distasteful.

            Yet in the growing field of geo-web applications, incorporating safety judgments into navigational aids is becoming increasingly common. Accusations of reinforcing racist or classist stereotypes could be lobbed at any of those apps. "In any form," writes Emily Badger at The Atlantic Cities, "this idea toes a touchy line between a utilitarian application of open data and a sly wink toward people who just want to steer clear of 'those kinds of neighborhoods.'"

            Microsoft’s Pedestrian Route Production technology, patented in January 2012 – and immediately dubbed "the avoid-ghetto app" by many in the media -- was designed to one day let Windows 北京体彩网官方网站Phone users filter walking routes according to "weather information, crime statistics, [and] demographic information." According to the language of the patent, such filtering is useful because "if it is relatively cold outside, then a pedestrian is far more likely to feel an impact then [sic] if a vehicle equipped with a heating system protected her. Moreover, it can be more dangerous for a pedestrian to enter an unsafe neighborhood then [sic] a person in a vehicle since a pedestrian is more exposed and it is more difficult for her to leave an unsafe neighborhood quickly." It makes sense to keep safety in mind while navigating an unfamiliar area on foot, but letting a computer algorithm divert you from a particular neighborhood on account of statistics is problematic.
            No need to lie, I'm not too happy about a website called "Ghetto Tracker". That's mad insensitive, racist, and pretty damn corny to boot.

            But let's keep it one hunned: racial overtones aside, isn't it actually okay to give people information on areas where they might be somewhat less safe? Not to discourage them from going there (or at least I'd hope not), but simply to give them a heads up on what they're getting into.[2]

            Obviously, you can get stuck up or robbed anywhere. My inlaws live in what many people would consider "The Hood", and I've never had any sort of issues when I've visited or stayed the night over there.[3] My car's been broken into in the lily white presumably safe suburbs where I've spent most of my life more times than I can count though. Again, information is power, but it's not guarantee of future outcome.[4]

            Question: Is "Ghetto Tracker" racist, or merely a way of informing people about what they're getting into? Do you know the telltale signs that you've made a wrong turn and ended up in the hood? Give us your best Ghetto Safari Survival Tips.

            [1] My children have the most awesome sports memorabilia/attire collection ever. And before you ask, yes, I realize I'm buying mostly for me, not them. I already know this.

            [2] Trailer Park/Biker Bar/Klan Rally Tracker™ would be helpful for many of the same reasons, albeit for a far smaller audience.

            [3] Dear Everyone: "Southeast DC" is not a monolith. It's not all called "Anacostia", and it's not all "hood". There are pockets you should generally avoid, but it is an otherwise largely safe section of the city full of honest, hardworking people. And yes, there are million dollar 北京体彩网官方网站s East Of The River. Not everyone over there is poor, nor is everyone over there black.

            [4] An easy way to quickly figure out the racial composition of a city you're visiting for the first time: drive by the courthouse and/or the department of health. Peep the line outside. Process accordingly.

            Friday, August 16, 2013

            Russell Simmons Culturally Tone Deaf Comedy Jam.

            Black Twitter has been afflutter the past couple of days by a sketch comedy bit called "The Harriett Tubman Sex Tape", which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. In case you've been under a rock, or don't know what Black Twitter is, here it go...

            The fact that Russell Simmons is responsible for that f*ckery didn't help. almost immediately. Of course, this being the internet and all, it's still around. Nothing ever actually "goes away" on the web.
            Russell Simmons is apologizing after coming under fire for a video that appeared on his new All Def Digital YouTube channel.

            The "Harriet Tubman Sex Tape" depicts an actress portraying the famous abolitionist having sex with her "Massa" in order to allow her to run the Underground Railroad. The video has since been taken down. Simmons issued an apology on Globalgrind.com in which he says he was contacted by his "buddies" at the NAACP asking for removal of the video.

            "I'm a very liberal person with thick skin," wrote Simmons. "My first impression of the Harriet Tubman piece was that it was about what one of actors said in the video, that 162 years later, there's still tremendous injustice. And with Harriet Tubman outwitting the slave master? I thought it was politically correct. Silly me. I can now understand why so many people are upset. I have taken down the video. Lastly, I would never condone violence against women in any form, and for all of those I offended, I am sincerely sorry."
            While many are up in arms about the fact that a(n ex-) slave is portayed having consensual relations with a (presumed) slaveowner and taping it, I'm actually not. There's nothing rapey about this video, and I really wish people didn't go there. I also don't have any issue with Harriett Tubman, a beloved historial figure, being used for comedic intents. Nope, my problem is something entirely different altogether.

            This sh*t just wasn't funny. At all. Period.

            That's the first rule of comedy: make people laugh. Nothing here was funny. Nothing.

            I don't consider any topic off limits. In the hands of capable writers and on screen talent, you can take a taboo subject and make it both hilarious and thought provoking. Comedians like Richard Pryor, Dave Chappelle, Patrice O'Neal, and my current favorite Hannibal Burress have all more or less made careers of this. But these no-name, no talent bums in the Simmons' funded sketch had nothing going for them. There's no social commentary. No physical humor. Nothing.

            Still, I don't get all the uproar here. This isn't the first comedy sketch that bombed, nor will it be the last. The fact that the NAACP is involved in this f*ckery, and that rodeo clown incident in the same week says something. Exactly what I'm not sure. But something.

            I'm sorta outraged at all the outrage. You?

            Question: Was this just a poorly conceived comedy skit that went really bad, or a sign of the collapse of Negro civilization?

            Tuesday, June 18, 2013

            Ashy Or Classy?!? - A Really Awful Music Video.

            Yeah, I'm only about two years late with this. Whatever. It's new to me, and it's funny as hell.

            If your life isn't complete without seeing this guy perform live at what appears to be a halfway house, consider this your lucky day.

            Question: Ashy Or Classy?!? Is the "positive message" of this video enough to overcome the complete and utter f*ckery of this guy's "dance steps"?!?

            Monday, June 10, 2013

            iOS7 Is Actually Pretty Cool.

            Fanboys rejoice. There's no need to abandon Apple (yet). Turns out the newest version of their mobile operating system is pretty impressive.

            Question: What do you think? Assuming you're an Apple user, is this enough to stop you from abandoning the platform for Android?

            Tuesday, June 4, 2013

            Domino's Pizza, Now Delivered By Drones!?!

            Face reality, drones are gonna be a part of everyday life very soon. It's inevitable. They're (fairly) cheap and don't take days off/require benefits.

            They can kill men, monitor traffic patterns, oversee crops, and help predict the weather. And soon, they may be .
            Domino’s Pizza hired a creative agency called T + Biscuits to test the feasibility of octocopter drones that deliver a hot, delicious pizza to your doorstep.

            Heavily branded as the DomiCopter, the current prototype can deliver two, large pizzas in about ten minutes within a four mile radius of the store. While future versions could hypothetically use GPS coordinates to deliver the pie, the existing model is piloted from the ground by someone experienced in drone flight.

            The DomiCopter has eight spinning blades and includes the standard thermal insulation bag that’s carried around by Domino’s Pizza delivery drivers. Developed by a company called Aerosight, this type of drone is primarily used for capturing broadcast quality video with cameras like the Red Epic , Canon C300 or Sony PMW F3.

            No flying permits are needed to operate the drone up to 126 meters off the ground, as detailed by NBC News recently; only permission of the landowner is required. Other tools that can be used with the drone include on-board GPS, air pressure sensors and an electronic compass.
            Here's the video. It's sorta cool.

            I'm not 100% sure how to feel about all this. Having a flying robot show up on your front lawn with breadsticks is less intrusive than having some stranger show up on your doorstep (and possibly less dangerous in some ways), but is this overreaching? What if the drone crashes ()? How does the company prevent this thing from getting jacked (much like real life pizza men)? Aren't some things best left to actual human beings? Ionno.

            Question: What do you think of the DomiCopter?!? Is this a feasible idea for consumer application?

            Thursday, May 9, 2013

            Meet The Next Charles Ramsey, Melinda Brown Duncan.

            Meme makers, Youtube Autotuners, exploitative t-shirt makers, and lovers of Ignorant Negros Local News Eyewitnesses worldwide, rejoice! That black guy might have put a shoe to his ex-wife and might not have actually rescued that white woman after all, but why let that ruin the party. Move over, Charles Ramsey, cause in the words of renowned urban poet O'Shea Jackson, "they'll have a new n*gga" next year."

            And by "next year", I mean "next news cycle". Meet , who is angry as hell at Barry Sanders being chosen as the Madden coverboy something or other, and lets a local reporter have an earful.

            Duncan starts trending in 5...4...3...2...