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            Showing posts with label Keep It In Your Pants.
            Showing posts with label Keep It In Your Pants.

            Tuesday, February 3, 2015

            Warren Sapp, Discount Sex Workers, And Why You Should Just Get A SpectraVision Movie.

            . The next day, Eugene was the one the Broncos scored on (see what I did there?) as he gave up big play after big play. Bengals running back Stanley Wilson once relieved pregame stress by . The Raiders Barret Robbins just said eff' it all and , choosing to head to Mexico and get white guy wasted. In each instance, the player's team was so distracted they got pummeled on Super Bowl Sunday. Either that or they were just outmatched and were gonna lose anyway.

            NFL analyst (and Hall Of Famer) Warren Sapp is no stranger to Super Bowl weekend shenanigans, having been (which was later dropped) a few years back. Apparently Sapp learned his lesson this year. Why bring sand to the beach (and literally beat it up) when you can just go to the beach and buy sand ().[1]
            In the early morning hours before NFL Hall of Famer Warren Sapp's arrest on assault and solicitation of prostitution charges, hotel guests at the Phoenix downtown Renaissance awoke to what they believed to be an argument and physical altercation in a hotel hallway, Yahoo Sports has learned.

            The Phoenix police department and an employee at the Renaissance declined comment Monday, but a source with details of Sapp's arrest told Yahoo Sports that sometime around 2:30 a.m. MT, guests reported hearing an argument followed by objects banging in either the hallway or another room. When guests opened doors to see the disturbance, at least one reported seeing two women – one lying on the floor with apparent marks associated with a physical altercation, and a second woman who was with her, the source said. The women were shouting and alleged that Sapp had assaulted them and asked for someone to call police, the source said.

            Officers arrived shortly after the incident and interviewed the woman who had alleged the assault. Officers then began to look for the second woman, who had left the scene. Both eventually identified themselves to police as escorts who had met Sapp in the hotel. The source said Sapp was interviewed by police, then remained in his room until the second woman could be located. It was after the second woman was found and interviewed that Sapp was taken into custody and subsequently charged with soliciting prostitution and assault around 7 a.m. local time.
            For those of you keeping score at 北京体彩网官方网站, Sapp appears to have arranged a threesome with a couple of ladies of the evening, partook in said threesome, then decided to short one of them on the agreed upon payment. When things went south, Sapp proceeded to beat both women up, at which point the hookers asked another hotel guest to call the police. Then one of the hookers remembered hooking was illegal and got the hell outta there. Both hookers, and Sapp, were all eventually apprehended. What a weekend! Who knows what the dispute was over. Maybe Sapp had a Buy One, Get One Free Super Bowl Hooker Coupon and tried to redeem it too late. I hate it when that happens (At Chipotle!)

            I'm a dedicated, married man, so I can't speak on this, but I wonder what makes a still somewhat famous, still somewhat wealthy man choose to buy a couple of hookers? I mean, I know Sapp's no longer in the NFL, but he's got name recognition. This bama nearly won Dancing With The Stars for crissakes. Are you telling me he didn't have enough face recognition and game to pull some random bar/club groupie on Super Bowl weekend? Seriously?

            I know men (allegedly) pay hookers to leave, but hookers, last I checked, were still illegal in most states. Random bar/club groupie isn't. It just makes no sense, financially, legally or otherwise to pay for it when you have a name and/or money. I don't get it. Isn't that what Tinder is (allegedly) for?[2]

            In any event, Sapp's gonna have a lot less money now, since he just got canned by the NFL Network. Like , who was recent busted for buying a hooker off Backpages in DC, Sapp was let go immediately. I doubt he ever gets another gig associated with the NFL.

            All this for some random trim?

            Sapp shoulda just gone back to his room, ordered a SpectraVision[3] movie and called it a night.

            Question: With so much to potentially lose, why would someone like Warren Sapp hire a sex worker?

            [1] No Trey Songz

            [2] Seriously, what is Tinder all about?

            [3] This no longer exists, I know.

            Friday, October 25, 2013

            Maryland Attorney General Attends Underaged Drinking Party. Does Nothing.

            An interesting battle for Governor is brewing in my (adopted) 北京体彩网官方网站 state of Maryland. Presumed front-runner and state Attorney General Doug Gansler is gearing up to face Lieutenant Governor Anthony Brown next year, in a battle of two Democrats with interesting credentials. Since this is a solidly blue state, whoever wins the primary is a virtual shoo-in to take the Governor's mansion.

            Gansler is a career climber who has gone from local politics to statewide office in record time. It's also clear he's the guy the state Democratic Party is "pushing" for the seat. Brown, .
            A month after launching his campaign for governor, Maryland Attorney General Douglas F. Gansler was entangled Thursday in yet another controversy, this time acknowledging a lapse in judgment when he appeared at a beach-house party and did nothing to stop apparent underage drinking going on there.

            At a half-hour news conference in Silver Spring, Gansler (D) said that when he stopped by a party for graduating high school students in June, he should have been more vigilant about ensuring that the teenagers were not doing anything illegal. A photograph shows Gansler in the middle of a party scene, surrounded by young people. He said that failing to more thoroughly investigate what was going on at the party was “a mistake I made.”

            In hindsight, I probably should have assumed there was drinking and talked to the chaperones about what they thought was appropriate,” Gansler said. But Maryland’s top law enforcement official said he was there as a parent, hoping to talk briefly to his teenage son about travel plans, and not as “a police officer or anything else.”

            He saw teenagers drinking from red plastic cups that night, Gansler said. “There could be Kool-Aid in the red cups,” he said, “but there’s probably beer in the red cups.”

            At the news conference, Gansler was shown a copy of the photo that appears to show him holding a phone. When asked whether he was taking a photo with it, he said he had not yet learned how to do that with his new i北京体彩网官方网站Phone. He said he thought he was reading a text message.

            Last week, The Washington Post reported that written accounts by the Maryland State Police alleged that Gansler regularly ordered troopers assigned to drive for him to speed and run red lights, even on the way to routine appointments. Gansler accused a police commander who documented those concerns of being a politically motivated “henchman” trying to help Brown’s campaign.

            In August, before Gansler ­formally announced his long-anticipated bid for governor, The Post reported that he was secretly recorded at a meeting with volunteers saying that Brown was relying on his race to get elected and that his campaign slogan was: “Vote for me, I want to be the first African American governor of Maryland.”

            But Gansler told the Sun: “Assume for purposes of discussion that there was widespread drinking at this party. How is that relevant to me? . . . The question is: Do I have any moral authority over other people’s children at beach week in another state? I say no.
            For those of you missing the bigger picture here, the state's "top cop" essentially walked into a party in which 17 and 18 year olds were drinking, and looked the other way. His insistence that he didn't know kids were drinking, and that they might have had Kool Aid in those solo cups, and that he didn't know how to use his new i北京体彩网官方网站Phone is just laughable. He also seemed to be caught taking pictures of (possibly underaged) girls twerkin' on a tabletop.[1] So yeah, this isn't a good look. At all. And of yeah, there's this.

            Not. A. Good. Look.

            I suspect Brown is behind this "leak", just as he was behind the "race tape" and the story about the red lights. And I personally think this is fairly smart politics. Make a guy whose job it is to essentially be the legal/moral compass of an entire state look like a total and complete hypocrite by simply throwing out factual examples of his own contradictions. A winning formula if there ever was one.

            Brown might wanna start watching his back though. There's a long time between now and the primary.

            Question: Is the attorney general responsible for reporting a potential crime even if he's out of state and off the clock?

            [1] That's him in the white shirt, looking like a narc.

            Tuesday, July 9, 2013

            Ashy Or Classy?!? The Most Ratchet 100 Year Old Woman Ever.

            True story: I once met a 114 year old woman.[1] A few years ago, I was visiting my Grandmother and she told us she wanted to go visit a woman she'd read about in the local newspaper who'd lived in 3 different centuries and was still tickin'. So we drove to the woman's town, my grandma stopped at a gas station and asked where the woman lived, we successfully located her house, and were greeted at the door by her granddaughter, who was elated to see three strangers at the door (my brother was with us) and invited us in to see the lady we'd driven an hour to find.

            The end result was nothing at all like this ghetto sh*t! somethin' like this.

            Sorry, I know some of ya'll are gonna say this is cute, but this sh*t is ratchet as f*ck. I guess this is would would happen if Miss Joseline somehow made it past age 40. It's not amusing. But maybe that's just me.

            This is very, very Ashy.

            Question: Ashy or Classy? Is a 100 year old woman entitled to talk about as many random d*cks as she likes, or does this lady need to be at Shady Knolls?!?

            [1] Completely true story, BTW. I was probably more amazed that this family just allowed as random assed folks to walk up in their 北京体彩网官方网站 more than anything else. The lady was surprisingly lucid for her age, and nothing like the one-time Cab Calloway jumpoff in the video above. It was pretty inspiring. This was several years ago, and last I heard she was still alive.

            Tuesday, June 18, 2013

            22 Kids By 14 Baby Mothers. #HappyBelatedFathersDay

            Personally, I loved how this guy referred to his kids as his "siblings". And that tells you all you need to know about Orlando Shaw, AB.com's Father Of The Year.

            "Don't nothin' come to a dreamer but just.... {Rick Perry Moment™} ...a dream."

            Monday, March 4, 2013

            Baby Cured Of HIV Virus.

            Sometimes I hate that I'm such a skeptic. I can't simply rejoice in the moment without my Negro Spidey Sense tingling (pause). So as much as I want to , I just can't stop my 3rd eye from twitchin'.
            A baby born with the AIDS virus two years ago in Mississippi who was put on antiretroviral therapy within hours of birth appears to have been cured of the infection, researchers said Sunday at a scientific conference in Atlanta.

            Whether the cure is complete and permanent, or only partial and long-lasting, is not certain. Either way, the highly unusual case raises hope for the more than 300,000 babies born with the infection around the world each year.

            If the findings in the new case bear up under further scrutiny, it will mark the first time the infection has been cured by drugs. The only known cure of a case of HIV infection occurred in 2007. An American man living in Germany got a bone-marrow transplant from a donor who had a rare HIV-resistance mutation in his cells.

            “We are calling this a ‘functional cure,’ ” said Katherine Luzuriaga, a physician at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, who was involved in the baby’s care. “Time and further investigation will tell us whether this child actually has been cured or not.”

            Treating a newborn with the life-extending combination of drugs known as “triple therapy” is almost never done.

            The reason is that it is difficult to determine immediately after birth whether a baby is infected. Antibodies from an HIV-infected mother spill into the baby’s circulation, giving a positive test for weeks. Infants are not started on the drugs until at least six weeks after birth, when infection is certain.

            Mother-to-child HIV transmission is extremely rare in the United States. Fewer than 200 cases occur each year. For more than 15 years, virtually all pregnant women known to be infected have been given antiretroviral drugs during pregnancy and labor. Their babies get one or two drugs for at least six weeks after birth — a strategy that cuts the risk of transmission to less than 5 percent.

            In the Mississippi case, how­ever, the mother arrived at the hospital without prenatal care. When a screening test for HIV came back positive, “she was too near delivery to give even the dose of medicine that we routinely use during labor,” Hannah Gay, a pediatrician at the University of Mississippi Medical Center in Jackson, wrote in a short narrative of the events provided to a reporter.

            Because of the baby’s unusually high risk of having been infected, Gay and her colleagues started full triple therapy 30 hours after birth.

            HIV tests of the infant’s blood over the next three weeks were repeatedly positive. The virus could have been from the mother, although such spillover is usually cleared quickly by the baby. Instead, the amount of HIV — the “viral load” — declined steadily over time, as happens in adults with long-established infections when they are started on triple therapy. By 29 days after birth, the baby had no detectable virus, which is the goal of treatment.

            Researchers provided no personal details about the case, not even the sex of the infant.

            Word of the case was being greeted with interest and skepticism by researchers, who have seen many other reports of cure prove false when examined closely or tried again.
            If this case is true, and somehow repeatable, it is truly a game-changer. The thousands of children infected annually in Sub-Saharan Africa can be saved. That's a truly awesome development.

            But I just can't quite shake the feeling that something about this story doesn't totally add up. I'm (obviously, duh?) no scientist, but I just have a bad feeling about this. I smell a Grand Hu$tle.

            What ya'll think?!?

            Question: Is this truly a groundbreaking scientific discovery, or are you just as skeptical as I am?!?

            Thursday, October 18, 2012

            A-Rod Is A Real A-Hole.

            No need to lie to you folks. Since last Friday's total and complete 9th inning collapse by my Washington Nationals, I haven't watched a minute of playoff baseball. Something about having your heart ripped out in such an epic fashion eliminates your desire to be bothered anymore.

            Oh well, there's always the Redskins. Oh, wait, they kinda suck too.

            I am well aware of the struggle the New York Yankees find themselves in, however. After losing Derek Jeter to an knee ankle injury, the Yankees now find themselves on the brink of elimination tonight in The D. If you're silly enough to think they'll win, you should bet on Yankees at to show your support on the team. And a team that's dealt with distractions and random drama all year has .
            Alex Rodriguez did have a ball delivered to two female fans in the Yankee Stadium crowd during Game 1 of the American League Championship Series, and it was witnessed by New York Yankees personnel, a team source confirmed.

            The New York Post reported that Rodriguez, who had been removed from the game for a pinch hitter, had written a note on the ball in search of one of the women's phone numbers and had a ball boy deliver it to the fans. The newspaper identified the women as Kyna Treacy, an Australian bikini model, and her friend Kate Quinn.

            Rodriguez is 0 for 18 with 12 strikeouts against right-handed pitching in the playoffs. He is 3 for 23 in the postseason overall.
            Lets not be naive here: this sorta thing does happen. I've witness women slide their phone numbers to a team trainer/assistant coach firsthand, all with the goal of getting the attention of a star player. And mind you, I'm talking about the perpetually struggling Washington Wizards. So when you're talking the biggest star on the biggest team in America's biggest city, it wouldn't be shocking to hear that some ladies are tryin' to holla at A-Rod while he's playing. The problem is (duh!) him trying to holla back, when he's in the midst of an ALCS game, and mired in a terrible batting slump. That's just dumb.

            Much like A-Rod's other notable woman-related off-field issues (Madonna, that ex-wife) this unfortunately provides just one more distraction for the Bronx Bombers. I'm sure the team's willing to put up with distractions when Rodriguez is playing at an All-Star level. He's currently not, and is a big reason why this team's probably headed 北京体彩网官方网站 soon.

            If I'm the Yankees, I's give A-Rod a new 北京体彩网官方网站 soon. I hear Miami Milwaukee is lovely this time of year.

            Question: Is this the least professional in-game behavior you've ever heard of?!?

            Monday, September 17, 2012

            Could Black Voters Actually Stay 北京体彩网官方网站 Because Of Obama's Embrace Of Gay Marriage?!?

            on that mythical monolithic entity known as "The Black Church".

            Some black clergy see no good presidential choice between a Mormon candidate and one who supports gay marriage, so they are telling their flocks to stay 北京体彩网官方网站 on Election Day. That's a worrisome message for the nation's first African-American president, who can't afford to lose any voters from his base in a tight race.

            The pastors say their congregants are asking how a true Christian could back same-sex marriage, as President Barack Obama did in May. As for Republican Mitt Romney, the first Mormon nominee from a major party, congregants are questioning the theology of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its former ban on men of African descent in the priesthood.

            In 2008, Obama won 95 percent of black voters and is likely to get an overwhelming majority again. But any loss of votes would sting.

            It's unclear just how widespread the sentiment is that African-American Christians would be better off not voting at all. Many pastors have said that despite their misgivings about the candidates, blacks have fought too hard for the vote to ever stay away from the polls.

            Black church leaders have begun get-out-the-vote efforts on a wide range of issues, including the proliferation of state voter identification laws, which critics say discriminate against minorities. Last Easter Sunday, a month before Obama's gay marriage announcement, the Rev. Jamal-Harrison Bryant of Baltimore formed the Empowerment Network, a national coalition of about 30 denominations working to register congregants and provide them with background on health care, the economy, education and other policy issues.

            Yet, Bryant last month told The Washington Informer, an African-American newsweekly, "This is the first time in black church history that I'm aware of that black pastors have encouraged their parishioners not to vote." Bryant, who opposes gay marriage, said the president's position on marriage is "at the heart" of the problem.
            Let me just say this for the record: I'm sorta in-between churches now. When my family moved awhile back, it became a lot harder (okay, impossible) to reliably make the 45 minute Beltway pilgrimage to our old church. So we've been "hunting" for awhile, and as a result, I've visited quite a few churches (black, white, and other) in the past couple of years. Only one had opposition to gay marriage as a common theme among the regular teachings. If you watch Fox News, you are prolly quite familiar with its Pastor, so I'm not gonna throw any shade here. Google it yourself.

            While we enjoyed services there, and thought the children's church was great, the "gays are going to Hell, and no, they can't get married on their way down there!" message got very stale very quickly. Most of the other churches I've visited (including one we're likely to settle in/join soon) don't talk about this issue at all, instead focusing on more pertinent issues like marriage (period!), GED programs, job training, and of course, salvation. Of course this is just my own anecdotal evidence, so I could obviously be missing the boat.

            Of course, the AP article provides little more than anecdotal evidence itself, referring to the opinion of none other than Jamal Bryant, a charismatic young pastor whom I'm also quite familiar with. The irony here is that while Bryant thinks gay folks shouldn't be married, , and likely is divorced as a result of a very poorly hidden series of extramarital affairs, in one of which he (allegedly!) .

            But yeah, eff' the gays getting married.

            Sorry, I just think this is much more ado about nothing. Any Pastor telling his congregation to not vote, over such a small issue that doesn't effect the marriage of straight congregants in any way, shape, or form, is just being ignorant and shortsighted. When black unemployment is as bad as it currently is, staying 北京体彩网官方网站 is not an option.

            Besides, if "preserving the sanctity of marriage" is really that serious, why not just tell em' to vote for Romney.

            Question: Is this much fuss about nothing, or could many black voters stay 北京体彩网官方网站 or vote for Romney come election day?!?

            Wednesday, December 7, 2011

            Should A Woman With 15 (!!!) Kids Be Evicted?!?


            Monday, December 5, 2011

            AB.com Guest Post - The Day The Cooning Died: Herman Cain “Suspends” Presidential Campaign.

            did. Here are his thoughts, which are pretty much my thoughts as well. As usual, show our guest some love, you-know-where.]

            So it was with great anticipation that I awaited Herman Cain’s big announcement today. Not that I supported him, his platform, or anything he had rto say. Instead, the blog author in me wanted to see if this most recent gift from the political comedy Gods would fade to Black. Would he stay? Would he leave? Would he join the Miami Heat? These were all the thoughts twirling around in my head. I figured as much as he loved the media attention, there was no way that he would drop out of the race. Let’s face it, Herman Cain is like Sarah Palin with a penis; the more face time they get on camera, the more money they make. Sure they say that their aspirations are fueled in the interest of we the people. But I’m sorry, ain’t n’aan one of them fools ever paid a bill in my household. Instead, in their infinite narcissism their’s no such thing as bad press, if it makes you money.

            As the time drew closer, I wondered if Herman Cain would disappoint me by actually dropping out. Sure his campaign was now all but in full Rigor mortis since Ginger White announced their thirteen year affair. An affair which saw the exchange of money all unknown to Mrs. Gloria Cain, the wife of my latest political humorist motivation. An affair within which Cain has denied any sexual improprieties. I suppose one can conclude that it was strictly platonic, and Ginger wasn’t one to be doing something strange for a lil’ piece of change. But after all the hype of all the speakers and prayer leading up to Cain’s appearance all with the carefully planned embrace of wife Gloria in tow. Herman Cain did what I feared: he dropped out. Then again, maybe he’ll be back. He did after all “suspend” his campaign, no? Maybe that’s me not wanting to see him go; he can come back, no?

            So what did Hermsan Cain do today? Well, aside from suspending his campaign, and setting Black folks back seventy five years when it comes to politics, he failed. He failed to convince anyone that he was indeed serious about running for president. He failed to shake all accusations that he was in it to sell books and make money by promoting his so-called Plan B of setting up a website to solicit donations. Donations from the very people who he successfully tricked into believing that he was the real deal. Let’s be honest: Herman Cain took a lot of money from white folks and ran. And even in the end, as his arrogance became a bit too overbearing for Black folks like myself. He reminded everyone that he was Black by referencing an era of segregation he grew up in. An era which he most recently proudly described himself to be a bystander who proudly sat on the sidelines, while others toiled. Yes Herman Cain has made many mistakes as he said in his speech today.

            The ultimate mistake he made, however, was not a thirteen year affair with a woman outside of his marriage. That wasn’t a mistake, that was a choice. His mistake however, was thinking that he would be able to to continue lying and gaining favor with the very people who supported him. But then again, that might not be a mistake because they are in fact who they are. Just like Herman, they’re ideologically bankrupt, and as he has shown, they tend to place a premium on ignorance. That being said, you can best believe there’ll be no more Herman Cains coming forth to represent the GOP in politics on a national stage. I could be wrong, but the antics of Mr. Cain, in my opinion, has made it harder for members of the Black Republican fold to ever be trusted. But then again, even they may be of the opinion that what happened to Cain was indeed the result of Liberal racist attacks meant to destroy the character of a Black man who happens to be a Republican. The funny thing, is that let them tell it, racism is dead. However, the racist Liberal media is alive and well.

            Sorry Herman, you can blame the media, you can blame it on racism, but at the end of the day, you have nobody to blame but yourself. As bad as I hate to see Herman go, as a Black man, I am relieved to know that we will no longer be witness to his cooning, and the shucking and jiving Minstrel we have known him to be.; and that he has become. He can say that his string of allegations has been painful for his family, and this might be true.

            But the existence of the Herman Cain campaign as it were, was a big insult to the intelligence and aspirations of Black folks across America. You can cite all his accomplishments in life if you like, but life was a lot better for us all before this clown came into our lives. And here’s to hoping nobody gives him a Reality TV show. Lord knows I can’t handle him or Eddie Long getting one called, “Pimpin’, Preachers, & Politicians: The Lyin’-Ass Negro Show”.

            If you feel like watching the 10lb bag of fail that is his drop out speech, catch it below. Good bye Mr. Cain, and I wish you and yours well. It was fun while it lasted, but thankfully, the foolishness has come to an end. It’s just too bad that your dropping out had nothing to do with the idea that someone not wanting to see you become president. No seriously, nobody really thought you would have won the nomination, much less become president. C’mon, Herman; even you knew it .

            For me, I would have rather seen you exit stage left upon the realization that America finally understood you to be the idiot that you are politically. Instead, you go out for being an arrogant buffoon without any game or ability to pull the ladies; as well as, being an “alleged: serial sexual harasser, and thirteen year trick daddy juiced by a white woman. But I understand: when it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Heaven forbid if a mulatto child who repeats the phrase 9-9-9 should surface any day now asking why you weren’t at his birthday party with the black walnut ice cream. If character is what’s seen when nobody is looking; unfortunately for Herman Cain, we’ve seen enough. And sadly depending on how you l;ook at it, we know just who he is.

            Question: What's next for Daddy Green? Is the joke actually on us (and his wife)?!? Was his "Plan B" actually his "Plan A" all along? Is it somewhat ironic that by "suspending" his campaign, he can use your hardearned taxpayer dollars to help pay off his campaign debt?!?

            Wednesday, November 30, 2011

            5 Play Thursday - Five Songs Herman Cain Can Sing To Make Voters Forget These Latest Allegations.

            There's a great chance Herman Cain drops out of the race any moment now, which would make this post utterly pointless. But hey, assuming he does stay in, he's gonna need to somehow win back the support of all those Real Americans who have jumped off the Cain Train in the wake of myriad allegations of sexual impropriety. He's sorta made a name of sangin' gospel songs (by request!) on the campaign trail, which I suppose was part of this appeal in the first place. So what better time to spontaneously bust out into song now?

            This very special edition of 3 Play Thursday provides a few very timely and very appropriate suggestions:

            Shaggy - "It Wasn't Me!"

            When it doubt, deny, deny, deny. Cain's defense to this point have been to accuse every one of his accusers of lying. Why stop now? Sure, I have faux dancehall just as much as you, but this song gets played on cruise ships, so there's a good chance Real Americans will know it, cause Real Americans love cruises.

            Shirley Murdock - "As We Lay"

            Since these latest allegations actually appear to have some corroborating evidence, the "deny deny deny" tactic might now work. Why not belt out this classic R&B tune about the allure, and consequences of having an affair? This is a pretty challenging song to master, but Cain's an ordained minister, and actually can sang. Plus, he's old, so there's a good chance he knows this song by heart.

            TS Monk - "Can't Keep My Hands To Myself"

            Claiming you fell prey to forces far larger than your own power is a good way to excuse bad behavior. Look how many people have blamed their indiscretions on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol? You can claim you're a serial groper whose disease simply hasn't been diagnosed yet. It's sorta "blame the victimy", sure, but it also casts you as a victim. And if there's anything the GOP loves lately, it's people who play the victim role. Personal responsibility, shmersonal shermonsibility. Bonus Suggestion: you can even claim that ObamaCare prevented your ailment from being properly diagnosed. #winning

            E-40 - "Captain Save A Pro"

            Cain claims he was just helping out a friend in dire financial straits. For the better part of a decade. That's not financial assistance. That's called "savin' em'". This song will help explain that whole concept, Herm.

            Quad City DJ's - "Come On Ride That Train"

            I'm still unsure why this isn't already Cain's official campaign song. It should be. Assuming he stays, this must happen. This needs to happen. It's also a popular song at football games and Real Americans love football. Just drop the track, and stand back. Soon as they hear that "whoot whoot", they'll be back on your side.

            Question: Got any tunes you might recommend for Herman Cain's comeback playlist?!?

            Tuesday, November 29, 2011

            The Herman Cain Train Is (Finally) Derailed.


            An Atlanta woman said Monday that she engaged in an extended consensual affair with Herman Cain that began after a business meeting in the 1990s, continued as he flew her from city to city for dates and ended eight months ago — as Cain launched his presidential campaign.

            In an interview with Fox News in Atlanta, Ginger White offered details of what she said was a 13-year relationship with Cain, sharing cellphone records that showed repeated calls and text messages from a number she said belongs to the presidential contender.

            Cain denied the accusations. In an interview that aired before White’s allegations were broadcast, Cain told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that he knows White and that the two had been friends but that there had been no sexual contact and no “affair.” He characterized their relationship as “trying to help a friend” because of her “not having a job etcetera and this sort of thing.”

            White did not respond to phone calls and e-mails Monday night. She said in the television interview that she met Cain in the late ’90s at a meeting in Louisville, when he was president of the restaurant association. They had drinks, she said, and he invited her to his hotel room, where he pulled out a calendar and suggested that she meet him in Palm Springs, Calif.

            White, who has worked as a fitness instructor, has been embroiled in conflicts that have led to court intervention. According to Georgia court records, she faced civil actions for nonpayment of rent. A former business partner, Kimberly Vay, sued White this year after a dispute that began when White wrote disparaging comments about Vay in a mass e-mail — comments that White recanted four months later as part of a legal settlement.

            The Fox affiliate described White as an unemployed, single mother of two.

            The Cain campaign was alerted to the accusation by the television reporter, who had interviewed White over the weekend. White gave the reporter Cain’s private cellphone number — which appeared 61 times on her phone records over four months. When the reporter sent a text message to the number, Cain called back and said he knew White but had not had an affair with her.

            On Monday, the candidate’s denial of the affair differed from a statement issued by his attorney, which said Cain has no obligation to answer questions about it.

            Cain said repeatedly that there was no truth to White’s allegations of having stayed with him at the Ritz-Carlton in Atlanta’s Buckhead neighborhood or elsewhere. “We chased all of these other rumors for two weeks before, and as it turned out they were baseless . . . so we will address these when they come out. But at this point, I want to give you a heads-up. I don’t have anything to hide,” Cain said on CNN.

            He said that he does not plan to drop out of the race but that his wife would have the final say.
            Look, you can deny lots of things. He said/she said stories from a decade ago are one thing. Text messages at 4am just two months ago is quite another. There's really no way Cain can explain his way outta this one. He says he was trying to "help a friend" who had some financial trouble. If "helping a friend" means financially supporting a woman who has been mostly unemployed for the past decade, I'd say she's a lot more than a friend, Herm.

            BTW, Herman, please fire your lawyer. That statement he issued was the classic non-denial denial, and contradicts everything you said on CNN. Fire him now.

            BTW, ladies, 13 years isn't an affair. It's polygamy. Moving right along...

            I'm not gonna paint Ms. White as a victim here. She willingly laid down with a married man and did the horizontal Dougie for 13 years. There's nothing admirable about being a kept chick on the side. Thankfully, she isn't being extra boastful with hers, and there's no Gloria Allred. But them "I'm pure" pearls she's wearing around her neck.... no m'aam.

            I suspect Cain will announce the end of his campaign by week's end. There's no way his wife was aware that he was getting his Kwame Kilpatrick on as recently as a couple of months ago. The Cain Train has some explainin' to do, and boy, would I hate to be in that guy's shoes right now. He, at one point, represented the GOP's high hopes for reaching out to minorities. Now, he's just another unemployed black man who cheats on his wife. Lovely.

            Thanks for the ride, Daddy Green, it's been real.

            Question: Will Herman Cain step down after these salacious allegations? Do you think his wife was aware of Ms. White? How can Conservatives morally pillage Cain for this, yet vote for Newt Gingrich, who has essentially done the same thing?

            Monday, November 14, 2011

            The Good Wife... Staring Gloria Cain.

            , you should get familiar. It's only the best show on all of television, period!!!

            With all that said, Cain has essentially weathered the storm. That story is old news, thanks to the aforementioned Rick Perry and some really sick & nasty dude named Jerry Sandusky. America has moved on, and although Cain's poll numbers with female voters have suffered as a result of these allegations, he remains very much a frontrunner, which is simply astonishing on about 102 levels.[3] Still, .

            In the first televised interview that Herman Cain gave two weeks ago to respond to allegations that he had sexually harassed and settled with two women while he was president of the National Restaurant Association, he played “the wife card,” revealing that his wife, Gloria Cain, would sit for an interview.

            Scheduled to air Monday night at 10 p.m. Eastern time on Greta Van Susteren’s “On the Record,” (Fox News), the interview will add another voice, another layer, and another news cycle to a narrative that for two weeks has defined, yet not derailed, Cain’s quixotic campaign for president.

            According to an early transcript provided by Fox News, Gloria Cain told Van Susteren that the allegations offer an unfamiliar and, she believes, inaccurate picture of the man she has known for 45 years.

            Herman Cain and his advisers have insisted that the allegations are not only untrue, but that the swirling, he-said-she-said controversy has only helped his campaign. Recent poll numbers, and the $2.25 million that the Cain campaign has said it has raked in since the story broke, seem to back up their argument.

            The roaring applause Cain got at the CNBC debate when he responded to the accusations also suggests some visceral support for Cain within the Republican base. He has become the lightning rod among hardcore Republicans, who believe he has been victimized by liberals and the media.

            Yet as much as Cain and his supporters suggest that the allegations haven’t damaged the former Godfather’s CEO, there is clearly a fraying of support among Republican women. Cain currently has the support of 15 percent of Republican women, a drop of 13 percentage points since October.

            Which is where Gloria Cain, potentially, comes in, serving as a kind of character witness for husband and validator for their marriage. But the ritual of a wife “standing by her man” is by now a cliche, and likely not as effective as it once was, Smith said.
            Part of me thinks this is bad, bad strategic timing.

            First and foremost, I feel for Mrs. Cain. This looks like a perfectly good chuuuch lady who probably wants no part of this story nor the limelight. She and her husband probably agreed that he could use this sham of a campaign to boost his speaking fees and take his radio show national, so long as she didn't have to do any media appearances (she hadn't until now). She is also a registered Democrat (according to him) so I'm sure there's that conflict as well. Now, this poor woman has gotta go full blown Alicia Florick, is about to be paraded in front of cameras, is forced to lie about her husband not gropin' all those blondes (seriously, what did you expect her to say?) and I'm sure the opposition (#TeamPerry) is already looking into her background to see if there's any Jeremiah Wright-style preacher distraction looming.

            Sadly, all of this could have been avoided had Cain just fessed up initially, but obviously blaming the media (and liberals) was a calculated move that worked. Which is why still parading his wife out there after the fact seems odd. What's there to really gain, other than putting a story most people have already forgotten back in the media cycle, and placing a bullseye firmly on this kind woman's forehead?

            Nice move, Daddy Green. The really Daddy Green woulda never put Mama Green out there like that.

            Question: Is this a bad tactical move by the Cain campaign? Ladies, if you were Mrs. Cain, would you stand by your man, or make that bama answer for his own BS? Do you watch The Good Wife?!?

            [1] Sorry Kenan. I get the weird feeling that your time on SNL is limited.

            [2] Uh, actually Vick might technically be back to sh*t mode right now. 3-6? Losing to the Cardinals' backup QB? Dang Philly, what's good?

            [3] Seriously, think about it. Given this country北京体彩网官方网站's history, what's the likelihood that a mostly white electorate would side with a black man, who has essentially been accused of making unwanted sexual advances on a half dozen white women? I mean, seriously, what's the likelihood? This, is why I'm more convinced than ever that Cain will win the GOP nomination. And lose to Obama. Badly. Terribly. Epically.

            Tuesday, November 8, 2011

            The Herman Cain "Them Hoes Is Lyin', Fam!" Press Conference Open Thread.

            Okay, so Herman Cain's got a presser scheduled for 5pm EST to presumably defend himself against the series of heinous allegations leveled at him by past co-workers and random Perkins waitresses.

            Ooops, wrong dude.

            Anyways, since you'll probably get around to watching this sometime soon, drop your observations here.

            Question: What did you think of Cain's press conference?!?

            Monday, November 7, 2011

            Herman Cain Accuser To Speak Today.


            The media circus surrounding Herman Cain just got its third ring. The celebrity gossip website Radar reports that Gloria Allred — yes, that one — will introduce America to a woman who says Cain harassed her in the past.

            The woman, who will be the first to go public on Monday, sought Cain’s help with an employment issue and was allegedly sexually harassed by him. Allred and her client will discuss, in detail, what she alleges occurred with Cain.

            Allred’s office did not immediately respond to a request for confirmation on the Radar story.

            Other Cain accusers have declined the spotlight. On Friday, the attorney for a woman who settled a sexual harassment claim against Cain with the National Restaurant Association in the 1990s told reporters in Washington that his client stood by her claim but would not be saying anything more about it. Another woman who allegedly settled a sexual harassment claim against Cain with the NRA also has not come forward.
            This one can go either of two (okay, 3) ways for Daddy Green.

            Good - Everyone knows that Gloria Allred is a feminist ambulance chaser. Yes, she brings credibility to any allegations, but like Rebb'n Al and Jesse, she also takes away credibility by merely showing up. If Cain wants to blame the media for his current situation, few people are a better lightning rod for such criticism than Allred. The mere nature of Allred's track record also makes it easy to discredit the alleged victim as merely out for fame/money.

            Bad - Sure, Allred's going to hurt the cause, but putting a living, breathing, talking (and no doubt painfully expressioned) face behind these allegations takes the whole "anonymous" aspect of this story and tosses it out the window. If this woman's story even sounds remotely realistic, Cain's going to have to respond, rather than remain on the defensive. Even worse, if this woman is white... well, let's just say "Bye bye, Daddy Green. It's been real."

            Ugly - The woman makes some very unsavory allegations about Cain that he's forced to defend/rebut. Instead of saying "I'm sorry" (as if), Cain and Co. go dig up some dirt on the woman to discredit her. The whole tit for tat consumes another week of news cycles, at which point many party leaders ask Cain to drop out. A fullblown internal race war develops within the GOP. Newt Gingrich arises from the ashes to take the lead in all polls. And Obama wins re-election by a staggering margin.

            Assuming this press conference is televised (of course it will be!) I'll try and somehow tune in and drop the inevitable Youtube here later on.

            Question: How will Gloria Allred and this new accuser effect Cain's campaign?

            Tuesday, November 1, 2011

            AB.com's Completely Unsolicited Advice For Herman Cain.

            I'm not a crisis manager by trade, I just occasionally play one on the internets. When notable public figures find themselves in a bind, I provide no-cost, common sense advice which if applied properly, can quickly squash any controversy. When ignored, however, the results can be downright disastrous. I'm an amateur, but I know that of which I speak. Consider me a poor man's Eli Gould.[1]

            And with that, here's my completely unsolicited advice for Herman Cain...

            Either Get Your Story Straight, Or Stop Talking Altogether!!! - Watching Cain's quickly evolving "see, what had happened was..." explanation for those harassment charges yesterday was a public case study in political amateurism. At first he was completely innocent, then he heard nothing about a settlement, then there was a settlement, but the b*tch was lying. Seriously, Cain knew about the pending Politico story 10 days ago. He had plenty of time to get his facts straight. He could have preemptively gotten ahead of this by issuing a statement before the story dropped. Instead, he did no 北京体彩网官方网站work, and looked like and outright liar as his story changed with the wind yesterday. This was rank amateurism at its worst. Now, Cain should refrain from discussing publicly and either issue a full statement, or simply not talk anymore and pray this goes away.

            Contact Those Women Before The Media Does. - Cain's explanation that he had no idea there was a hush payment given to an employee when he was in charge of a small 300 person organization is also a lie. If you're CEO and you get hit with such an allegation, you don't turn this over to general counsel and keep it movin'. He certainly signed off on any monetary compensation provided to those women. He is lucky the women are bound by an NDA to not disclose further information. It would benefit him greatly to contact them now, and give them even more hush money to remain quiet.

            Disappear For A Minute. - The worst thing Cain can do is keep making foolhardy public appearances. Currently on a media tour to promote (what else?) a book, Cain would be best served to get ghost until the next GOP debate. Standing in front of a mic several times a day is only going to open him up to further questioning.

            Find Out Who Leaked This Story, And Leak A Story About Them. - The consensus seems to be that one of Cain's GOP opponents went to the press with this story, although depending on whom you ask, rumors about Cain's alleged transgressions have been floating out there for months. My guess is the culprit's name rhymes with Dick Derry, which makes sense because both are essentially vying for the same hardcore Conservative voters. Perry's had some tawdry rumors about his own sex-related issues floating out there for months. Make some sh*t up, leak the story to another lamestream media outlet, feign ignorance, and watch the media attention shift.

            Dude, Where Is Your Wife?!? - The trump card to squelch any sex-related controversy is to drag your poor wife in front of the cameras, as if to say "see, I'm not all that bad, this lady's stuck by me for years". Cain has been married nearly 4 decades, but have you seen his wife or adult kids at all? This might be a good time to put them in front of the cameras.

            For God's Sake, Show Some Darn Humility! - When Cain got in front of the cameras at the National Press Club, I knew we were in for a treat. Not since Jeremiah Wright's infamous press conference have we seen a guy so strong and wrong show his a$$. Cain doesn't have a repentant or humble bone is his body, and when you're dealing with sexual allegations, that's not exactly the image you want to project. Stop referring to yourself in the 3rd person!!! Quit comparing yourself to Clarence Thomas, dude wasn't exactly 100% innocent ya' know? Stop sangin' "Amazing Grace" everytime some white person asks you to. You're at about an 11 right now. We're gonna need you to dial the ego back to about a 5. Please.

            Blame Obama!!! - Cain's already played the race card, and blamed "the media" for this "witchhunt". You know what would really get Conservatives behind you? Claim this story was somehow manufactured (forget the word "leak", go BIG) by the Obama Administration to keep a Conservative brotha down. You don't need to substantiate this. Conservatives don't need proof (look at the birther conspiracy, which was still a campaign issue as recently as last week!), they just need someone to validate their own beliefs. Run with this.

            Question: Got any unsolicited advice of your own for Daddy Green?!?

            [1] Just Google it already.

            Monday, October 31, 2011

            Herman Cain Did Not Have Sex With Those Women!!!

            , what other conclusion could you come to?!?

            Herman Cain, one of the frontrunners in the Republican race for the White House, is battling to keep his candidacy afloat amid allegations of sexual harassment involving two female workers in the restaurant industry.

            In the first stage of a damage-limitation exercise, Cain did a live interview with Fox News in which he categorically denied sexually harassing anyone or making any out-of-court settlement himself. He described the allegations as "trumped-up".

            But he acknowledged that the row was going to do some damage to his campaign, which had seen him take the lead in some polls.

            "Obviously, some people will be turned off by this cloud over my campaign, but a lot of people are not going to be turned off," he said.

            Ignoring the traditional advice of public relations consultants to get all the facts out into the open, Cain skirted round some of the details, ensuring the row will rumble on. Crucially, he was unable to say whether the National Restaurant Association had paid the two workers in a deal that bought their silence.

            Cain, in a story broken by the Politico website, was accused in the 1990s of sexual harassment by two female staff at the association, a lobbying group for the hotel industry. Cain held a senior post in the association.

            According to Politico, two female staff left the company after complaining about inappropriate behaviour by Cain that made them angry and uncomfortable. They reportedly received a payout in return for signing an agreement to keep quiet about it.

            In his first comments on the allegations, Cain said: "I have never sexually harassed anyone: I can say that. Secondly, I have never sexually harassed anyone, and, yes, I was falsely accused while I was at the National Restaurant Association. And I say falsely, because it turned out after the investigation to be baseless."
            Independent reports have already confirmed that at least one woman was paid a 5-6 figure settlement for her trouble. Of course, all of these allegations were covered up with a standard non-disclosure agreement, so we'll never hear what happened. And thus, there's no way this will derail The Cain Train.

            Is this Negro made of Teflon or what? Seriously, think about it:

            He was head of the Kansas City Fed Reserve, and has run for President and US Senate before, yet he can claim the title of "Government Outsider" and nobody bats an eye.

            He worked for a high profile lobbying organization, but still claims to be "against special interests".

            He has proudly boasted about not wanting to hire a Muslim to a cabinet level position.

            He was pro-choice, then pro-life.

            His 9-9-9 Plan will effectively raise taxes on 87% of all Americans, many of whom are probably Conservatives.

            He was for TARP.

            He's got not one, but two confirmed cases of women who were paid off because of his undue sexual advances, yet Conservatives are coming out in droves in support of him today, claiming these allegations are merely the "lamestream media" trying to "keep a brotha down".[1]

            This dude can weather that sorta storm, yet still be the frontrunner? Seriously?

            The more I think about this guy, the more I realize how brilliant he is. I don't mean in the textbook "I went to Harvard" Obama book smarts, sense. Nope, Cain is street smart, and understands the psyche of his constituents far better than Obama. When in doubt, blame the media, because all Conservatives are conditioned to distrust the media, facts be damned. It's a "victimhood" approach that worked well for Sarah Palin. Cain is essentially running plays from the same book, subbing sexism for racism, and dude is #winning.

            I hate the game and the player, but I can sorta respect the Grand Hu$tle.

            Obama vs Cain next Fall. Book it.

            Question: Are these sexual assault allegations going to kill Cain's momentum, or is this a one-news cycle story at best? Do you care if your President prolly rubbed his co-workers boobs and paid them to be quiet about it? Is there anything Cain can do to fall out of graces with GOP voters?

            [1] Yes, I heard one Conservative talk show host claim Cain's only being blamed for harassment because he's black.

            Wednesday, September 14, 2011

            Ashy Or Classy?!? - NYC Cops Get Their Grind On.

            are probably thinking the same thing right now.

            The NYPD is reviewing a new Internet video that appears to show city cops in uniform provocatively grinding scantily clad women at the West Indian Day Parade. Several women participated in the parade-route debauchery and sought out uniformed officers for the dirty dancing.

            Two men in uniform who appear to be NYPD cops looked embarrassed and practically stood still when they were approached by women who bent over and shoved their rear-ends into the cops' groins.

            But two other apparent NYPD officers were all too willing to get frisky. They can be seen on the video aggressively play-thrusting their pelvises up against the backsides of at least two women, gyrating to the beat.

            Everyone in the video - including at least four cops in uniform and scores of revelers - is laughing and having a good time. But NYPD bosses don't think the video is very funny. A police investigative unit in Brooklyn has been ordered to look into the video and the cops who are seen dancing on it, sources said.

            "It's not corruption," said a source familiar with the investigation. "But it looks bad. It's young cops doing something stupid."

            The video was first posted at worldstarhiphop.com
            Like I said, the day I end up on worldstarhiphop.com is the day I know I've officially failed my parents. Seriously. That place is debaucherous.

            As for the video of the cops, well, judge for yourselves. Be forewarned, if you don't like suggestive dancing or lousy Caribbean music, you might wanna sit this one out.

            Okay, let's be honest here, that sh*t is pretty unprofessional. One of the cops looks like he's enjoying it waaaay too much, and should probably go check his shorts. Cops are paid to protect and serve. If you're too busy windin' to notice that guy at the 2:14 mark clearly steal a purse, then you should find another profession.[1]

            On the flipside, given the perpetual tension between policemen and communities of color, taking yourself a bit less seriously could probably be seen as a good thing. The citizens probably get the sense that this cop's not such a bad guy, and might, by proxy, trust him a bit more when the need arises. So I suppose there's that.

            What do you think?

            Question: Ashy Or Classy?!? Should these cops be reprimanded for bumpin' and grindin' on the clock, or is this merely good, wholesome family fun?

            [1] Ok, that didn't really happen. But it woulda been funny/ironic if it did, no?

            Friday, August 19, 2011

            Do You Care How Many Other People Your Mate Has "Been With"?!?

            Thursday, August 18, 2011

            R. Kelly Lead A Back To School Parade?!? No, Really. This Happened.

            , no matter how hard I tried.

            A man who admits he cannot read and famously beat child-porn charges might not seem the most obvious honorary grand marshal of a children’s back-to-school parade.

            But there was nothing but love for superstar R&B crooner R. Kelly at the Bud Billiken parade. Families cheered for Kelly — who has been recovering from throat surgery last month — the entire parade route. As his sexually charged tunes blared from a sound system, he smiled and waved back.

            “You’re still my baby, no matter what you did!” yelled one fan, Leslie Kaizer, 36. Most parade-goers agreed, maintaining that charges that Kelly filmed himself having sex with and urinating on a 14-year-old should have been forgotten after 2008, when jurors couldn’t be sure it was him on the infamous tape.

            “Isn’t that what justice is in the United States?” said Tiffany Levy, 38, a mother of two girls.

            Kelly, 44, acknowledged his literacy problem in 2009, telling an audience, “I don’t even read really, and I’m not afraid to say that. My cousins and brothers used to tease me ‘You can’t even read right.’ ” But his supporters Saturday said that didn’t harm his role in the pro-education event.

            Kelly asked to participate in the parade, said Beverly “Earth Momma” Reed-Scott of Chicago Defender Charities. And while most celebrities “wave from a float and go 北京体彩网官方网站,” Kelly visited with youths whose training in green technologies is supported by the parade, Reed-Scott said.
            Look, I'm all for people getting second chances and whatnot. This country北京体彩网官方网站 is built on redemption. Falling down, and getting back up again is the quintessential American dream. And of course, Kelly was never convicted of said crime.


            What the f*ck black, folks?!?!? Seriously?!?

            Wasn't Jennifer Hudson available? Derrick Rose? RhymeFest? Was Kells really the best 北京体彩网官方网站town hero with an open spot on his calendar? Did the word "irony" even register on the minds of the parade organizers? And BTW, this story seems to indicate that some of Kelly's "sexually charged tunes blared from a sound system" as the parade progressed. Really? Are the inmates running the asylum in Chi-Town? Jesus.

            Naturally, I don't blame R. Kelly for this, just like I didn't blame him when Negroes went buckwild and forgave all (alleged) past sins when he dropped the "Ignition" remix. Good music can atone for many a sin. Crank that "Happy People", chali.

            We're just fickle minded like that.

            Question: Is there anything wrong with a man once accused of child-pRon charges leading a back-to-school parade, or am I just being my usual elitist, judgemental self?

            Thursday, July 28, 2011

            Eddie Long's 5th Accuser Comes Forward. Double Pause.

            Just when you thought the Eddie Long Saga was over...

            No need to lie, it seems like the local Fox5 affiliate is just piling on right now. That said, where there's smoke there's usually fire, and given how little credibility Bishop LongStroke has left, I wouldn't outright dismiss Centino Kemp's allegations.

            And since we're on the subject...
            Why does the narrator of this story sound like the same narrator who introduces the plaintiff and defendants on those judge shows?

            Maybe Bishop Schlong and Centino got a 2-for-1 special at the beauty parlor.

            Did Kemp do this story to plug his music career?

            How can a presumably serious "journalist" do such a sh*tty story like this with a straight face?

            Maybe Bishop Schlong and Centino got a 2-for-1 special at the tattoo parlor.

            Don't this dude look a whole lot like Boris Kodjoe? Sorry ladies, it's true.

            Dude got that Danny Brown haircut.

            Doesn't this whole story just reek or pointlessness, rank exploitation, and under ball sweat?

            Look at that bama run!!!

            What's up with that 1998 limo dude peels off in at the end?

            Do you also need a shower now?
            Damn, Eddie. Just quit while you're ahead, bruh.