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            Friday, April 30, 2010

            AB.com Guest Post - Lonely Reality TV Sistas: The New Grand Hu$tle.

            , an urban blog aggregator on which my posts frequently appear. If you ain't up on game, you should . Fellow FX'er, Miss Blurbette from goes in on the recent cable TV explosion of single black women shows. Sure, this topic's been covered here before, but never this properly. Enjoy.]

            There’s something in the red kool-aid and the B-Listers on down are drinking gallons of it. It’s making them do things they once thought beneath them, things I thought once beneath them. It’s forcing them to all seem so common. It’s setting them up with a half hour of cable prime time starring in their very own reality TV shows.

            With a burst of lace fronts, VH-1, Style, BET and the lot are all welcoming the sistas to the reality TV game.

            It’s like the Latin invasion, only with surgically engineered solid C-cups and more melanin.

            I call them “The One-timers”.

            There’s Chilli, one time singer for the group TLC; Shaunie O’Neal, one time wife to basketball player, Shaq; Pep, one time rapper from the group Salt N Pepa,; Lisa Raye, one time actress; and Brandi, one time teen star, actress and singer. The recurrent theme amongst the One-Timers’ shows is “I can’t get a man.”

            In the first episode of “What Chilli wants”, Chilli shares her list of requirements and in addition to no scrubs, she doesn’t want a man that smokes, drinks or eats pork. (Cue the BowTie choir singing, “There’s a place for us”).

            Matchmaker Tionna Smalls recruits potentials for Chilli at a Braves game. After corralling several gents into a room and tossing out such deeply meaningful questions like “Are you a freak”, and asks to see their abs as a 6 pack is another requirement of Chilli’s, Tionna finally presents one hopeful- a good looking personal trainer- to Chilli…and a room full of other women for their consensus of approval. He was denied. (awwww…)

            As for the latest in Brandy’s world, she was invited to attend the Grammy’s with Flo-Rida, then uninvited because neither of them wanted the media to think they were “together”.

            Brandy, how you gon’ get fired on your day off?? And Flo got invited to the Grammy’s and you didn’t? Girl, get back in the studio NOW. And fire your hairstylist. I’ve never seen a weave go all the way to the bridge of someone’s nose like that. I say this with love.

            Pep and Basketball Wives are essentially the very same show with different women portraying the role of scorned ex. Out of the entourage of supposed Basketball Wives, only ONE has been wifed, another divorced and the rest appear to be baller groupies that lucked into child support. They spend their days shopping and their nights at the club, then meet for cocktails to complain about how good they used to have it when they were with the men that cheated on them.

            Lisa Raye says she was driven to the new show by a desire to “come back to her brand”, but outside of portraying a stripper in the film Player’s Club, I’m not aware of her having a brand. In a recent interview when confronted with the perception many have of her as a gold digger, Lisa Raye said, “I dug for gold in high school. I’m a platinum girl now. I’m an international person.” Well, yes, she is an international something. Now, she insists upon only dating men with money because she believes in moving forward after the much publicized split from husband Michael Misick, Turks and Caicos Premier. She’s been romantically linked to Nelly, Ocho Cinco and even Al Sharpton. I understand that it may be difficult to find someone with the same level of success you have, but come on, isn’t Gerardo still available? Sisquo?

            She did a spread in the April edition of Black Men magazine scantily clad in a bikini, although she admits it was 23 degrees in the desert where they filmed. She is taking issue with the magazine’s publishing of several photos she deemed inappropriate claiming she was unprepared for the shots even though she is looking right into the camera lens. If I were trying to avoid the publication of provocative and embarrassing pictures of my assets, I would probably put on some damn clothes before the photographer showed up, but that’s just me.

            Ladies, did you get jealous of Flava Flav and Ray J? Is that really how you want to be remembered? Is this all black women are because between Stella, Steve Harvey and these shows, they’re giving the other folk that impression.

            I don’t consider any of these shows a benign form of entertainment. All of them are a continued perpetration of the myth that black men are nearly extinct or chock full o’problems and black women regardless of level of success just can’t find a man; a myth disproven by statistics and happy relationships around the globe.

            [Editor's Note: I DO consider all of these shows a benign form of entertainment, but I agree with most everything else Sable's saying.]

            If Lisa Raye can’t find a man, it’s probably because she is a gold-digger and men with sense can read any one of her 200 interviews stating as much. If Chilli can’t find a man, it might be because she has a list taller than she is of male requirements but none for herself. If Brandy can’t find a man, it’s probably because as evidenced by the show, she can’t seem to cut the apron strings from her family, and her family can’t cut ties with scandal and trifling. And as for the basketball “wives”, well, honestly what man is going to waste his time when he knows a date with you will cost him half plus alimony. So what I’m saying is, Ladies, you’re probably the reason why you’re single. Michelle Obama didn’t seem to have a problem.

            If there is any good to come from this new direction in reality TV I guess it’s that it took our minds away from Tiny and Toya and Keyshia Cole’s crazy ass family for a few episodes.

            My advice to the entire cast of reality world newbies is this: When you’re DOING YOU, it appeals to others and they’re more apt to want to do you too. Remember your talents and what made you famous in the first place. So Pep, Brandy and Chilli, go make a record. Lisa Raye, find a pole.

            I’m just saying.

            Question: Are these "Single Black Women" shows simple mindless humor, or a dangerous perpetuation of the very stereotypes responsible for the destruction of the black family? Which ones do you watch? Don't lie, I know you want this stuff.

            Thursday, April 29, 2010

            Sandra Bullock's Black Baby Speaks.

            This is SO wrong, but it's still funny.

            What A Jerk.

            C'mon Lebron, you're better than this.

            The Great Immigration Debate.

            3 Play Thursday - Jam It Or Slam It?!?

            It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: Jam or Slam 3 new hip-hop tracks.

            Ya'll know I'm a musical nerd and consummate hip-hop head. One of these days, someone will pay me to break down the relative artistic merits of DJ Premier vis-a-vis Pete Rock, but until that day comes you'll have to endure posts like this. For those of you who ain't into "underground rap", this might be a "skip me" post cause it's prolly a little too "inside baseball" for everyone. But if the shoe fits, here's a trio of new jawns in steady rotation on my iPod. But are they good (Jam) or janky (Slam)? That is the question. Here's my verdict, show me yours.

            Today, I'm peeping a handful of lead singles from a trio of artists about to drop their debut solo albums. Cop them headphones and go in.

            Nicki Minaj Feat. Sean Garrett - "Massive Attack"

            Like the typical mixtape rapper, Nicki Minaj aimed for the fences with her first official single, and boy, did she ever strike out. Since I don't get out much, I'm gonna assume this is one of those songs that "only sounds good in the club". It sounds like a botched musical abortion to my ears, with all the shrieking synths, messy congos, annoying a$$ed Sean Garrett's nonsensical hook, and Nicki's Lil Kim circa 98' flow. Pass. - Slam It.

            Big Boi - "Shutterbug"

            Boi Boi's always been OutKast's version of Phife Dawg/Pras/Rapper Big Pooh. You know, that other guy who's routinely outdone by his partner to the point that you wonder if he could have even gotten a rap deal if he wasn't a member of a successful group. That said, it's hard for me to not like this song, cause damn, what's not to like? The beat's amazing, the autotuned hook is an 80's throwback, and Big Boi's usually pimptastic boasting is actually tolerable for once. And if you'll excuse me, I'll now brace myself for the onslaught of outraged OutKast stan emails. - Jam It.

            J.Cole - "Who Dat?"

            Jay-Z's handpicked successor to the Roc Nation throne finally stopped dropping mixtapes and rolled out his first legitimate single earlier this week. I'm from NC, so of course I'm rooting for J. Cole to be this year's Drake, minus the vocoders and those annoying limpwristed hand motions. Sadly, while I like this song, it's not going to do much to dispell the notion that Cole's just another lyricist without any concept of how to make songs that girls like. Cause face it, girls buy albums, and if you can't make something they like, you aren't getting airplay, and you are going to be washing dishes at a Sizzler in Fayetteville very soon. Then again, Jay-Z is this guy's mentor, so this is probably one of those "street singles" that will be followed soon by a "radio single" featuring Trey Songz or some such nonsense. Which naturally, will turn off a rap purist like me, and a month from now, I'll be here complaining about how "I don't like the direction J. Cole's headed in". Anyways, for channelling "Takeover"-era Jigga, and making something that thumps in the headphones, I'll leave the future where it is and just enjoy this song for what it is. - Jam It.

            Question: Jam or Slam? Which of these tracks do you like, and which ones are wack?

            Wednesday, April 28, 2010

            AB.com NewsBriefs

            I gotta actually do some real work today. You know the usual drill...

            Immigration Reform - While I was away over the weekend (H-Town stand up!), the great state of Arizona essentially legalized racial profiling, under the guise of immigration reform. There's a million things wrong with this approach, but the biggest issue with illegal immigrants isn't the immigrants, it's the system that makes them coming to the US so attractive in the first place. If any lawmaker was really serious about curbing the influx of illegal immigrants, he'd simply institute and reinforce strict and heavy fines for any company or individual that hires them. Period.

            These folks come here because there's a dollar to be made, and companies use them because they're dirt cheap and don't require benefits or any of the other standard protections afforded your typical worker. It's no wonder that more than 1M immigrants have already left Arizona since the recession began. I can't be mad at a random Mexican gaming a willing system to make a better way of life for his family. I can be mad at Arizona's dimwit, bleached blonde Governor for avoiding the real issue, and infringing upon the civil rights of real, hardworking Americans.

            Financial Regulatory Reform - I think most people can agree that something needs to be done to ensure there's not another Wall Street collapse like the one that left us with double digit unemployment. Well, everyone but the GOP, which seems to be riding this "Party of No!" thing till the wheels fall off, or election day, whichever comes first. It's truly sad that these idiots think obstruction and sitting on your hands like a 5-year old is a sound strategy. It's even sadder that some polls show this strategy just might pay off in the form of the GOP regaining the Senate and/or House this Fall.

            NBA Playoffs - Well, can I reinstate my long-held "Spurs will win the NBA title" prediction again? And what's up with the Lakers? As of today, I got the Cavs coming out of the East, hands down. As for the West, well, no more predictions here.

            Question: What's your read on the immigration situation in AZ? What (if anything) needs to be done to ensure Wall Street doesn't take more penetentiary chances with your money? Who you got in the playoffs?

            Name That Sample - "Shape Of My Heart".

            Name That Sample is simple: I play the original song, you tell me who sampled it. Winner gets a day's supply of Cyber CapriSuns™. As always, no Googling! Google is for losers.

            This classic tune by Sting has been sampled numerous times. But who can name the most songs that have used these delightful bars?

            Difficulty Level: Difficult. Think hard.

            Question: How many songs can you name that used the "Shape Of My Heart" sample? Don't be fooled into just listening to the opening bars, or you'll prolly miss half the possible answers. Feel free to cheat and use other commenters' work, but do NOT Google! Google is for losers.

            Tuesday, April 27, 2010

            Either/Or: Brains Or Beauty?!?

            On the last edition of Either/Or, I asked a pretty simple question: is forced to make a choice, would you rather "date" someone with a slammin' body or a beautiful face. Today's topic is sorta similar, but sorta not, so pay attention.

            Brains and beauty are a lethal combination. Attractive, smart people seem to rise to the top of their professions, gain the trust and admiration of others, and generally run the world. Tomes have been written about the advantages that "good looking" politicians generally enjoy when facing off with aesthetically challenged competitors.

            In an idea world, every potential mate would be a "ten" with the IQ of Einstein. Of course, AB.com is not an ideal world, so I'm forcing you to choose.

            Question: Would you rather "date" someone who is beautiful/handsome, but dumb as a bag of Funyuns, or smart and resourceful, but ugly as Flavor Flav and Susan Boyle's love child? There is no in-between answer here. Pick ONE and explain why.

            Monday, April 26, 2010

            When Keepin' It Traaap Goes Wrong.

            . That song is so turrible, I don't even have a snappy one-liner to describe it.

            There's no other reason to explain why the principal snapped on the parent like that.

            I know it's sorta (un)related, but I can't help but recall a story from my youth when I read this. My Freshman year of high school, my French class for some odd reason ended up going to our county's courthouse for a tour.[1] I, being the only black kid in class, was naturally a little uncomfortable with this. I mean, the likelihood of running into someone I personally knew, with embarrassing results, was far higher for a kid like me than my silver spooned classmates.

            Anyhow, the tour of the courtrooms and lecture from some judges, bailiffs, and lawyers goes off without a hitch. I don't recognize a single person, and breathe a sigh of relief. Then, for some odd reason, my teacher decides to ask the tour guide to take us through the "detention center", where petty criminals are held prior to processing. Sweat beads start to roll from my forehead.

            We go down a dark corridor of stairs, and the iron gates open to lead us to the cells. And no sooner than our class enters the holding area do I hear my name.

            "AB! AB!"

            Damn! Damn! Damn! It is my cousin Glenward, sitting in his typical post-weekend 北京体彩网官方网站 away from 北京体彩网官方网站. I can't help but acknowledge him, because at this point, the teacher, tour guide, and all 15 of my classmates are looking at me. I'm the only "AB" in the class after all.

            "Yeah, Glenwood" I reply, embarrassed as hell.

            "AB! Cuz! Tell yo' Daddy to come down here and get me out!" he replies, desperately grasping his only lifeline.

            "Uh, ok." I respond, lowering my head and walking out of the retaining area as swiftly as possible.

            After the tour was over, and we all got back to the bus, some of my classmates came up and asked me the inevitable.

            "AB, was that your cousin?"


            "Man, that was so cool!!! Wow!" they replied in amazement. I was for some reason a relieved to hear they were actually impressed that my 3rd cousin 8 times removed was a predicate felon. Perhaps they'd also be equally impressed with my 4th aunt 6 times removed who has 11 children all living on EBT cards and section 8, yet still has more disposable income every month than I do because she sells steamed crabs by the bushel out of her kitchen. Off the books, of course.

            So, I get 北京体彩网官方网站 and tell my Dad about the teacher's embarrassing decision to change the tour and take us to the cellblock. Surely my old man would be enraged and go up to the school looking to bust some heads.

            "Just be happy it wasn't your Aunt Delores," the old man replied.

            I say all this to say, parents do have a right to be upset at things shown to their kids in school, without prior notice. Whether or not my Dad did.

            You guys already know where I stand on TI, and the silly stuff he's done to actually turn his incarceration into a career advancement vehicle. I didn't like that MTV reality show, and I don't like this nonsense. Apparently Myers wasn't the only parent who had a problem with this.

            Seriously, folks, sometimes going the boring and safe route (ie: bringing in a cop to explain why bullying is bad), rather than the glamorous (ie: a millionaire who just finished doing a bid for amassing a stockpile of military grade firearms because he didn't feel "safe" on the streets) one is better. Mr. Oattes shouldn't lose his job for this, but he definitely deserves a "do better!" for this nonsense.

            I wish someone would have told my French teacher the same thing.

            Question: Was inviting TI to speak to a classroom of middle schoolers about the fine nuances of bullying a good idea, or does Mr. Oattes need a bit more balance and a bit less Grand Hustle in his iPod? Should the principal be reprimanded for responding to the parent in that manner?

            [1] No, I still can't remember why a French class was touring the courthouse.

            A Sista Named Notre Dame Valedictorian!

            [1] If you're late for the party, Google "Kat Stacks". I'm not sure if you'll be entertained or repulsed. I think I'm a bit of both.

            Sunday, April 25, 2010

            Follow Me.

            . I'm on . I'm on Google Friends (link on right sidebar).

            What ya'll waitin' on? Follow me.

            The TeaBagger Manifesto.

            Three simple questions:

            1) Why doesn't this kid have his own TV show yet?

            2) Don't these people recognize this kid by now, and realize the joke's on them?

            3) How come a teenager with a flipcam is doing a better job of reporting what's happening on the ground of these protests than 98% of the mainstream media?

            Saturday, April 24, 2010

            Def TeaBagger Comedy Jam.

            Yeah, I know, I know. Conservatives are generally about as funny as a root canal, but Frazier Crane needs to buy a new yacht, and somebody's gotta pay for it. So, witness the TeaBagger version of Def Comedy Jam, coming soon to a basic cable channel near you.

            You may have missed it, but there's actually . Insert your own punchline here.

            Friday, April 23, 2010

            Ladies, Wanna Find A Man?!? Let AB Tell You How.

            . If you don't, don't worry, I'm sure you aren't missing anything you haven't already heard somewhere else. Sure, it's sorta entertaining, but ultimately it's pointless.

            Ladies, if you're taking relationship advice from a bunch of guys who've been married multiple times (Harvey and Izrael) or never even married once (Hill Harper), you're going to stay losing. Period. These guys are here to sell books, not actually help you. Not that there's anything wrong with selling books.

            I'll save ya'll some time and money. I've been happily married to a beautiful black woman for nearly a decade now. I am no genius, but I have a Masters degree in common sense, and I know that of which I speak.

            Here's all the advice you'll ever need to know to get yourself ringed up...

            Keep Your Cookies! - Don't give it up so easily. Even better, make the man wait and don't give it up at all. Sounds crazy I bet, but where has giving it up ever gotten you? If the answer to that last question is pumped and dumped, then you need to strongly consider shutting it down. Pursuit is good.

            Take Care Of Your Body - Men are visual. This is an indisputable fact. No, every woman isn't a size 2, but do the best you can. A woman who works out, no matter what size she is, is always attractive.

            Keep It Movin' - Any man you've been with for more than two years that hasn't yet committed is not going to. He still thinks he can do better than you. Period. Cut bait and move on with your life.

            Take Care Of Your Money - Just like you want a man who "brings something to the table", no man wants a broke or deep-in-debt woman.

            Be Realistic - There aren't enough Denzels to go around, and dudes like that are usually man whores anyway. That sorta boring, sorta okay-looking dude in accounting might just be the one, but you wouldn't know it if you never give him the time of day.

            Take Care Of Your Mind - No man worth having wants a dumb chick. Be able to talk about something other than your hair and clothes. Read a real book, a magazine other than Essence, and any blog not named SandraRose. Might I recommend a fine site called .

            Be Open To Other Types Of Men - Brothers from Africa, the Caribbean etc. might not fit your desired stylistic check-list, but don't rule them out. If you wanna get your swirl-on, and are are secure enough to deal with the occasional side-eye, go for it. Just be aware that white men are still men too. Crossing the aisle isn't going to solve all your problems, merely give you a bigger pool of potential solutions.

            Stop Being So Thirsty - A man can smell a desperate woman a mile away. Don't be that chick.

            Stop Being Captain-Save-A-Bro - Ladies, you can't "make" a man be worth sh*t. A thug is gonna stay thuggin'. A lazy dude is gonna stay lazy. You can't "upgrade" or "fix" a man. Relationships tools aren't found at 北京体彩网官方网站 Depot. If you can't accept a man for who he is right now, not what you think you can eventually make him, you probably should keep it movin'.

            Make Yourself Available - If you live in Montana and work 7 days a week, you prolly aren't going to find a black man. Move somewhere where the numbers are more in your favor. And you also won't find one sitting at 北京体彩网官方网站 every Friday night with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Get out the house. Find places where men are, and go there.

            Never Say Never - Sure, the guy might be a few inches shorter than you'd prefer, and a few pounds more than you'd like. But open your 3rd eye and quit focusing entirely on outward appearance. That sort of superficiality is ok for men, but if you're a woman, not so much.

            Stop Chasin' Ballers - There's nothing the average working stiff hates more than some girl who knows every Redskin on a first name basis. Newsflash! - These sorta guys don't exactly make for the best mates longterm. And no future suitor wants to know about that time you hooked up with Lebron.

            Stop Sharing - That "any part of a man is better than no part" bullsh*t is why our parents' generation was so jacked up. Have some standards. You are too good to be some man's jumpoff. Learn to be content being alone.

            Be Content - Reality is, if you've still gotta have a black man, at some point, you're might could end up losing. This is just based on sheer numbers alone. Accept this. Being alone is not a death sentence.

            In meantime, quit watching shows like this that only make you feel more and more like its impossible to find love. Instead, spend some time around successful black couples. Talk to them and figure out how they make it happen. If you don't know anybody in a successful relationship, might I recommend .

            Question: Assuming you're married, do you have any advice for single ladies looking for a man? If you're single, tell me where my advice falls flat. Ladies, if I'm completely sexist and full of sh*t, feel free to tell me why.

            Thursday, April 22, 2010

            Dear Birthers: Get Over It, Already!!!

            , or "didn't know" what country北京体彩网官方网站 he was born in.

            But of course, this has nothing whatsoever to do with race. Nah, no way.

            Naturally, since ignorance is contagious, and ignorance can also be exploited for political and monetary gain, this "birther" conspiracy lives on. And on. And on.

            The Arizona state House has voted in favor of a birther bill requiring presidential candidates to show their birth certificates in order to qualify on the state’s presidential ballot. The Republican-dominated legislature voted 31-22 to tack the requirement onto another bill, which still faces approval.

            The legislation, aimed at President Barack Obama, has been criticized by Arizona’s secretary of state, who noted that the qualifications for the presidency are set forth in the U.S. Constitution and not subject to amendments by states.

            Both Obama’s campaign and the state of Hawaii have provided documents showing that the president was born in the United States and therefore constitutionally qualified to serve as president.

            The language requiring that candidate demonstrate that they are a “natural born citizen” was added by GOP state Rep. Judy Burges. If Arizona were to make the language law, it would be the first state to do so though legislators in other states – including Florida and Oklahoma – have tried to pass similar laws.

            It is not clear how the state senate will vote on the provision and GOP Gov. Jan Brewer has not said whether she will sign the bill.
            Folks, for the 4,080th time, , as issued by Obama himself, on his own campaign website.

            Got it? Good.

            Of course, since people are entitled to both their own opinions and facts, I'm sure many will complain that they've yet to see a paper copy of the actual document. Of course, if you placed the actual, notarized copy in these same peoples hands, they'd swear it was a facsimile. You simply cannot win with some people.

            Oddly, for a guy who faced his own questions about citizenship in 2000, Arizona Senator John McCain sure has been quiet about this one.

            The silence is deafening.

            Question: Should the White House bother addressing this pointless conspiracy theory yet again, and if so, what's the potential downside of legitimizing such nonsense? Should John McCain take a stand?

            [1] Yes, they should. Absolutely.

            [2] Don't forget: this was an issue during the Democratic primary also.

            3 Play Thursday - MC Hammer's WeedCarriers.

            , that little boy with the tornado haircut, that grown-assed man with the tornado haircut, Deion Sanders, that white guy.

            Question: Who was your favorite Hammer weedcarrier? All jokes aside, did you ever see this guy in concert? Seriously, not need to fake, dude was an entertainer. I mean, when you got like 70-some people onstage, it's hard not to be.

            Wednesday, April 21, 2010

            Big Ben Gets A 6-Game Staycation.


            The NFL has suspended Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger for six games following a rape accusation against him by a college student earlier this year in a case where the prosecutor declined to press charges.

            NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell elected to go for the maximum punishment since reports were that a suspension could just be four weeks for Roethlisberger violating the league's personal behavior rules.
            Its difficult to claim this somehow isn't "fair". Big Ben's the QB of one of the league's marquee franchises, and these allegations mark the second time he's been caught up in questionable zipper-related behavior. Doing nothing wouldn't have been a good look for the NFL's continual push to make the game more appealing to female fans.[1] You can't exactly try and get chicks interested in your sport when one of your biggest stars is going Mystikal on broads in the offseason. So, I guess this is the right decision.

            Still, I'm sure some will complain that the NFL gave Big Ben too much rope and didn't suspend him more proactively like they did Pacman Jones and Michael Vick. What do you think?

            Question: Is Big Ben's suspension too much, too little, or just right?!?

            [1] Google the term "NFL Her" for evidence.

            AB.com Guest Post - Is Rebb'n Al Obama's Ace Boon Coon?!?

            , and you-know-where.]

            People laughed at Rev. Al Sharpton when he announced his bid to become President several years ago. But today is a new day, and it's safe to say that Sharpton is the one laughing. No he didn't become president of the United States. But today one has to be blind not to see just how he has positioned himself at the feet of Barack Obama as one piece puts it: Sharpton is Obama's link to the streets. Yes, Barack Obama, just like every successful hip hop label before him has put together a street team via Al Sharpton and his National Action Network. A street team, son; a damn street team with Al Sharpton as the man!

            The zeitgeist that is post-racial America could not have created any stranger bed fellows, folks. It actually begs the question: will, and can this pairing actually work for Black America? More specifically, did Sharpton sell out to achieve political power, or did he buy in to what Obama is selling as an approach? That last question is essentially the center piece of concern and the arousal of skepticism. One only has to read on the subject if interested in beginning to connect the dots. An interesting and revealing piece which states this about the Obama-Sharpton relationship:

            "The relationship solidified in 2008, according to Obama's campaign manager, David Plouffe. Sharpton, who ran a long-shot campaign for president in 2004, had planned to go to the Iowa caucuses, but Obama sent a message urging him to stay away or risk "injecting race into the campaign," Plouffe wrote in his book "The Audacity to Win."

            The relationship continued after the election. At Obama's celebratory signing of the health-care bill, Sharpton was given a spot in the front row.

            Last year, at a large holiday party the first couple threw feting their liberal supporters, Obama singled out Sharpton in his remarks, saying, "I know if I'm doing it right, Reverend Sharpton will be right here to let me know," according to Harvard Law professor Charles Ogletree, a friend of the Obamas, who was in attendance."
            And what did Sharpton get in return other than an invitation to the White House to talk about a not so black agenda for Black America? Well for starters, he had a letter sent to him from Obama, praising his National Action Network, that was read at the beginning of the last day of his annual conference - ironically, it was the only portion of his convention that was aired live in the media on TVOne . Professor Charles Ogletree, well known friend of Obama, and law professor at Harvard, had this to say to the Associated Press while in attendance at Sharpton's conference:
            "Al Sharpton has become the lightning rod in moving Obama's agenda forward," Ogletree told the AP, describing Sharpton as a conduit between the disadvantaged and powerful leaders. "And he has access to both the streets and the suites, to make sure that the people who are voiceless, faceless and powerless finally have some say."
            I find it ironic that Sharpton was picked as the guy to move Obama's agenda forward in the black community. Especially when Obama, and then Sharpton, upon meeting the president at the White House, have both expressed the president's inability to produce a race-specific agenda. Or as Sharpton told the Associated Press, to do so "would only organize the right against him." Well, that being the case, why then announce Sharpton of all people in the eyes of those on the right-wing as "the guy". Didn't we learn anything from the Van Jones debacle as promoted by Glenn Beck? Hello! Reverend Jeremiah Wright anyone? Hell, the republicans already raised hell and asked Michael Steele to withdraw from speaking at the National Action Network Conference this year. Steele ignored them, and attended the event anyway; somehow I can't help but to think that they got Sharpton confused for Louis Farrakhan; you know all Negroes look alike, right?

            [Editor's Note: It's neither here nor there, but for the record, Al Sharpton's daily radio show is freakin' hilarious. He lets callers dial in and spout random Negro Nonsense while he pretends to be paying attention, but is clearly in studio finishing off a rib platter from Sylvia's. You can even hear him smacking if you listen closely enough. When he does actually participate, the show is pretty interesting, funny, and chock full of informative guests. I wish folks with preconceived notions of Rebb'n Al would give the show a listen. Chances are, they'd walk away with a far better impression.]

            Black America without a doubt has embraced Obama as the second coming of a pre-vitiligo Michael Jackson (oh you thought I was gonna say Jesus?). But as far as Al Sharpton? There are many among us who have been more than a bit suspicious of his motives as he appears to be a bit self-aggrandizing. Me personally, I see him as necessary on the battlefield that is social and racial justice; something that he is obviously proven as an activist and agitator. However, this time around, considering his recent highly publicized spat with Tavis Smiley for the jug of the Obama Kool Aid? I really don't know what to think.

            Hell, Sharpton even went as far as to criticize Smiley's "We Count! The Black Agenda is the American Agenda" by saying, "They keep saying, 'Let's hold Obama's feet to the fire,' but did they do that with Bush or Bill Clinton? When were they marching? Let's hold to the same standard." Sharpton also went on to say, "There is no tension between black leaders of organizations. Tavis Smiley is a commentator. He does not have a constituency. We can't mix apples and oranges." Which is hard to believe considering all the shots he took at Tavis before and after he held his summit. Only to tun around and try to "out-do" the very summit he criticized using it as an opportunity to showcase his White House connections as he sat at the right arm of Congressman Jim Clyburn.

            I have to say that much of what I saw on the live airing at the conference yesterday, was a careful and well crafted attempt to distance himself from the likes of the Tavis Smiley's of America; and anyone else in so-called black leadership.. Plainly speaking, his conference deliberately took care so as to not make the president or the White House accountable, as he focused on what we can be doing on our own to affect change. Which is fine and good when it comes to motivating the troops with a from the ground up approach. But how exactly does one do that to affect change in the political process if one fails to hold our elected officials accountable from the top down?

            Clearly it can be said that Sharpton has won the battle with Tavis Smiley for the seat at Obama's feet. The question is, however, can he advance a black agenda that is in our interest? Or is this the same old same opportunistic advancement of personal interest shrouded in the same politics and bullshit that has dominated our landscape? Above all, when the next black person gets shot fifty times by over zealous cops in any-town US of A, who are we gonna call, Al Sharpton, or Barack Obama? I leave it up to you to answer that one.

            Question: Is using Rebb'n Al as an undercover agent to carry out Obama's "Black Agenda" a good idea, or does Obama run the risk of getting accused of racial politricks should this backfire? Is Rebb'n Al the right man for the job, or should Obama have chosen someone more mainstream and less controversial?

            Name That Sample - "I Forgot To Be Your Lover".

            Name That Sample is simple: I play the original song, you tell me who sampled it. Winner gets a day's supply of Cyber CapriSuns™. As always, no Googling! Google is for losers.

            This classic soul tune by William Bell has been sampled numerous times. But who can name the most songs that have used these delightful bars?

            Difficulty Level: Moderate. Think hard.

            Question: How many songs can you name that used the "I Forgot To Be Your Lover" sample? Don't be fooled into just listening to the opening bars, or you'll prolly miss half the possible answers. Feel free to cheat and use other commenters' work, but do NOT Google! Google is for losers.

            Tuesday, April 20, 2010

            An AB.com MultiMedia Exposé - Lloyd Marcus And Other "Woe-Is-Me" Negro Conservatives.


            Folks, I know a damn Grand Hu$tle when I see one. And that's all this is for these folks, an easy way to get paid and advance yourself professionally by leveraging your race and downtalking a majority of black America. All you need to do is state some BS about how poorly you were raised in the ghetto, how voting for the GOP saved your life, and how the Democratic party's policies are holding Negroes back. As if ShawwQyuanzza With 6 Kids And 8 Baby Daddies' lack of personal motivation to get off her a$$ is directly coorelated to her love and admiration for Nancy Pelosi. Black folks are, and have been effed' the eff' up! Period. Putting Newt Gingrich in the White House is not going to peel back the complex layers of sh*t we've been covered in for centuries. Sorry. And if voting reliably for the GOP is such a cure-all, how come it hasn't done much to help poor whites like those in the community I was raised around?


            I'd be much less critical of these folks if they just admitted they've turned to the GOP for acceptance and approval they don't receive in their own communities. If you think I'm kidding, when's the last time you've seen one of these folks talk about something other than how Black folks are held back by continually voting for Democrats? People like this, and their willy nilly sob stories make Black folks who are just genuinely Conservative[1] look bad, and give the GOP an excuse to say "see, we tolerate Black people too! We've got a few on payroll!", rather than doing the hard work of changing both their arrogant tone, and their policies that are a roadblock to making inroads with black voters.

            I'm all for gaming the system and getting paid in the process, but I wish these folks would see a shrink and work out their childhood issues, rather than project them onto Black America as a whole and the Democratic Party by association.

            Question: Is "Woe Is Me" Black Conservatism merely a profitable hustle or do folks like Lloyd Marcus, Kevin Jackson, and Star Parker really believe what they're saying? Does it seem like these folks' issues with Black America and the Democratic Party are somewhat more than skin-deep?

            [1] I personally know many principled Black Conservatives. They don't resort to this sort of "put down lazy Negroes" rhetoric to make the point that they prefer lower taxes and less government intrusion. It IS possible. But these folks on TV... not so much. I know a Grand Hu$tle when I see one.

            Monday, April 19, 2010

            Caption This Photo.

            . Now caption the photo already!

            The AB.com RoundTable Is Paging...

            Many are called, but the chosen... well, you know the rest.

            AB is paging the following members of AverageNation™ to participate in the next edition of The AB.com RoundTable.
            The Janitor
            If your name is on this list, hit me via ABMail pronto, and let me know if you're in.

            Did Black Folks Miss The Boat With Obama?!?

            [1] Yes, I know, many young voters are Black.

            [2] Yes, I know, many who will benefit from this legislation are also Black.

            [3] This is smart, and fair legislation, BTW. However, I do wonder if a similar step will be taken to allow opposite sex partners equal visitation rights. Namely, what if someone's just your Girlfriend, "Boo", Wifey, or Slow Weekend JumpOff? These folks don't qualify as life partners or common law marriage partners either, but shouldn't they too be allowed in the room? Note: I'm not talking about power-of-attorney, just visitation.

            [4] If I'm missing something, tell me you-know-where.

            [5] Don't front, ladies. It happens.

            [6] I should note: I'm very happy with the White House's youth mentoring initiative, and think this sort of "do it yourself" activism is going to improve Black communities far more than any beaurocrat on the Hill ever could.

            Sunday, April 18, 2010

            Ashy Larry's "Window Seat".

            I see those Chappelle's Show residual checks stopped appearing in the mailbox.

            Saturday, April 17, 2010

            Enough Reality Dating Shows, Already!!!

            Now Gary Coleman, that's a child star whose reality show I'd watch. Lil' Romeo, not so much.

            Friday, April 16, 2010

            Grand Hu$tle?!? - Buckets For The Cure.

            campaign. Surely you've seen the commercials by now.

            Look, on the surface, this is admirable. Breast cancer is a killer. Aside from non-melanoma skin cancer, breast cancer is the most common form of cancer in women. Breast cancer is the number one cause of cancer death in Hispanic women. It is the second most common cause of cancer death in white, black, Asian/Pacific Islander, and American Indian/Alaska Native women. And that's from the CDC. Again, cancer ain't no joke, and I'd be the last person to marginalize its effects. Anyone doing anything to proactively find a cure should be applauded.

            Still, come the f*ck on! This is KFC we're talkin' bout. The same KFC that sells the infamous Double Down sandwich, and other food laden with fat, cholesterol, and sodium. Deadly as breast cancer is, its nothing compared to the millions of folks who suffer from various forms of coronary artery disease, which drops folks dead, or worse, subjects them to debilitating strokes and heart attacks on the daily. All from eating a very different kind of breast, usually topped with hot sauce.

            Part of me wonders if KFC is pulling a nice PR-related sleight of hand here to perhaps neutralize some of the bad pub they've gotten for that Double-Bypass, urrh, Double Down sammich. My third eye just can't look away from the dubious timing of this campaign, not when the commercials are literally running back to back. The fact that you can get this pink bucket full of either grilled or "original recipe" chicken speaks volumes. KFC advocating any sort of health initiative is sorta like Evander Holyfield holding a fireside chat about adult literacy, financial savvy, and early retirement the joys of protected sex. This sh*t just don't add up.

            Verdict: Much like the which was little more than a nice PR ploy to sell some awesome 100%[1] [2] with the cool NBA Green logo, KFC's Buckets For Cancer sounds like little more than a Grand Hu$tle disguised as philanthropy.

            Or maybe that's just me being cynical as usual.

            Question: What do you think? Is this a Grand Hu$tle, or is KFC merely being a concerned corporate citizen?

            [1] Silly question here. How come "100%" is pronounced "One Hundred Percent", and "$100" is pronounced "One Hundred Dollars", although the correct syntax is putting the percent sign behind the number, and the dollar sign in front? Shouldn't the placement of the "$" sign indicate that you'd say "Dollar One Hundred"? Who determined these rules?

            [2] Before you ask, no. I didn't buy one. Yet.

            Thursday, April 15, 2010

            Are Taxes Inherently Evil?!?

            . Personally, I don't recall taxes being such a big problem under the previous administration, but once Barack Obama took office, suddenly you'd think we were being "taxed into oblivion".

            Cue the hyperbole-drunk peanut gallery.

            The Tea Party movement, with its passion for fiscal conservatism that has rallied a predominantly Libertarian and Republican base around events that symbolize government spending, has its chants and anti-government protest signs set for a day that symbolizes what it hates most: taxes.

            While last year's April 15 gathering, which saw 300 protests across 50 states, was a "coming out" for the movement, this year, organizers believe, will be a force that government leaders on both sides will have to reckon with. From strategy meetings, presentations to representatives on Capitol Hill, and protests on the National Mall, tens of thousands of Tea Party activists are expected to descend on the nation's capital for tax day.

            Leading up to April 15, the Tea Party Express -- a bus tour of activists -- took off from Nevada March 28 and is driving across country北京体彩网官方网站, making stops to visit with other activists along the way, to be in Washington, DC, for the protests. There is also a Tea Party-sponsored essay writing contest and a list of 10 pillars, voted on online, to promote demands the Tea Party Patriots will hold politicians accountable to in the 2010 and 2012 elections.

            As for the big day, they have scheduled strategy-sessions and meetings with representatives all day, culminating in a 6pm protest at the Washington Monument, says Tom Whitmore, a retired C.E.O. in Virginia and activist for the Tea Party Nation, another leading movement faction. He was at last month's tense health care debate and admits, "That day there was a lot of trouble, people started getting mouthy, pushing."
            The irony here is obvious. To date, there hasn't been a tax increase on anyone. 95% of all Americans have gotten some sort of tax relief under Obama, but you sure wouldn't know that if you've been paying any sort of attention to these "Tea Parties".

            To help pay for ObamaCare, President Obama will soon allow a decade-old tax cut enacted during Bush's first year to expire for singles making over $200k or couples making over $250k annually.[1] He's also raising the rate of capital gains taxation on these same folks by 5%. Sure, I suppose this technically does indeed count as a tax hike on the rich. But guess what: they're rich. Something tells me they'll be alright, whether or not some misguided idiot from Wheeling wastes a tankload of gas headed to DC today.

            Look, I hate paying taxes too. I'd prefer to keep all of my money. I'd also prefer a world where the weather is 68 degrees year-round, where every woman looks like my wife, and where eating cheeseburgers helps you get a six-pack. But that's not reality. I doubt any "liberal" likes paying more taxes. Nobody likes taxes. But truth is, without taxes, it's hard for the government to pay for stuff. When you cut taxes, which seems to be the Conservative answer for everything, you have to get rid of some stuff. Not all "stuff" is an entitlement, nor is all stuff expendable. State governments nationwide are putting workers on furlow, and firing teachers and cops just to maintain some semblance of a balanced budget.

            In the midst of an economic downturn if you can't bring in enough revenue (ie: taxes) to pay for all the stuff you need to, you are gonna be in trouble. Just because the economy's bad doesn't mean stuff costs less. This isn't "anti-American", nor is it "anti-Constitution". It's just plain ole' common sense.

            And this is why anytime I hear some douche talk about the "tyranny of taxation" or "eliminating the IRS altogether", I wonder what planet these folks live on. I mean, seriously, if you don't want to pay taxes, what's the alternative?

            Would you like to provide your own personal military (35% of all annual spending)?

            Would you like senior citizens to have to work till they drop, rather than fund Social Security and other such entitlements for the elderly (35% of all annual spending)?

            Would you like to pave your own streets?

            Would you like to educate your own children?

            Would you like to create your own fire, rescue, and police services?

            Would you like no government safety net (ie: unemployment and COBRA benefits) whatsoever in the event that you lose your Day Job for no reason?

            Would you like no government intervention (ie: regulation) whatsoever to protect your financial assets when some Wall Street fat cat takes an unnecessary risk that results in your bank being on the verge of extinction?

            Would you like to build and maintain your own parks? Grow and raise your own food (farmers are gov't subsidized)? Deliver your own mail?

            The answers to each, and every question above are of course "No". Why pretend otherwise?

            Instead of burning gas and polluting the air further by driving to DC today, I wish these TeaBaggers would put some action behind their hollow posturing. If you don't like taxes (funny how everyone was just fine with taxes 16 months ago), stop paying them and stop suckin' the gubb'ment teet. Don't talk about it, be about it!

            If the government is so bad, quit it.

            Return any refund you might receive this year to the IRS you so hate. You don't need no stinkin' gubb'ment handout! Purchase a plot of land outright and move to somewhere in Montana where you don't need any gov't help. The further away from those pantywaisted tree-huggers the better. Birth and educate your own kids. Find a legal hustle (I'd recommend the clergy) that doesn't require taxes to be paid. Don't drive on public roads. Defend your own 北京体彩网官方网站. Return any monies you've received in unemployment. Tell the gubb'ment to keep its stinkin' Social Security, and Medicare, and Medicaid, and ObamaCare. You don't need no stinkin' gubb'ment! Eff' the gubb'ment!

            When your little experiment fails after a week (you'll need electricity, which the government also regulates), come back and join the rest of us in the real world.

            Question: Considering the fact that most of them have actually gotten a tax cut since Obama took office, what exactly are these nimrods protesting? Do you worry about taxes being increased for the rich?

            [1] And by the way, in case you were wondering, . I seriously doubt most of the folks you'll see at these rallies fall in that category.