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            Wednesday, March 31, 2010

            AB.com Rewind - Do We Really Need Token Blacks In HollyWeird?!?

            [1] Notable exception: The one sista on ABC's Private Practice, who actually gets painted as a real, living, breathing character who actually "matters".

            Name That Sample - "Don't Look Any Further"

            Name That Sample is simple: I play the original song, you tell me who sampled it. Winner gets a day's supply of Cyber CapriSuns™. As always, no Googling! Google is for losers.


            This classic 80's tune by Dennis Edwards has been sampled numerous times. But who can name the most songs that have used these delightful bars?

            Difficulty Level: Simple, but there are some obscure uses beyond the obvious. Think harder. Extra credit to the first person to name the semi-famouse woman singing the other half of this duet.

            Question: How many songs can you name that used the "Don't Look Any Further" sample? Don't be fooled into just listening to the opening bars, or you'll prolly miss half the possible answers. Feel free to cheat and use other commenters' work, but do NOT Google! Google is for losers.

            Tuesday, March 30, 2010

            AB.Com Rewind - Enough "Nice White Lady" Movies, Already!

            [Editor's Note: don't be swayed by the whimsical nature of this post. There's a semi-serious question at the bottom.]

            Please don't bother asking how this happened, but I somehow managed to find myself watching a godawful WifeTime movie called Fighting the Odds: The Marilyn Gambrell Story the other day. Perhaps you've seen this movie, but just in case you haven't, just watch 10 seconds of this dreadful trailer and fill in the blanks.

            Seriously, haven't we had enough of these "Nice White Folks Save The Ghetto Kids Through Sheer Will And Determination" movies already? Dangerous Minds, Hardball, Wildcats, The Ron Clark Story, Finding Forrester, Take The Lead, Freedom Writers. Seen one, you seen em' all.

            So, I wanna test ya'll's knowledge of this shopworn Hollyweird formula, mad-libs style. First person to fill in all the blanks successfully wins a prize.
            New, from Lion's Gate pictures, in association with ________________ productions, and director __________ ________, comes the movie _____________ ____________ _________ starring __________ ___________ as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a ___________ to help combat the ____________ of ________-city schools. By the sheer power of her ____________, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from ___________ 北京体彩网官方网站s, who struggle to avoid ___________ and _________ in the __________ jungle, where every day is a fight to ____________.

            ____________ will help these children unlock their inner __________, by making them ___________ in themselves. Using _____________ and ______________ to express themselves, the kids confront the _____________ ______________ and gain _______________ to help them navigate a ________________ ________________. But will they show enough improvement in their _______________ _____________ to prevent the __________ _________ from shutting the program down?

            With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of ____________, ______________ and _____________ _________, __________ ____________ ___________ is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her how to _____________.
            Can you fill in all the right answers?

            Question: Why does Hollyweird have this odd obsession with "Whites saving Blacks" movies? Can you complete the mad lib above? Just cut and paste your answers into the comments, filling in the answers where the blanks are. What's your (least?) favorite Nice White Lady movie?

            Monday, March 29, 2010

            Wackest New Music Video Evar. Period.

            AverageNation™ March Madness: Week Two Results.

            page on CBS Sportsline.

            Question: How messed up is your bracket now?!? Who's your choice to win now that the Final Four has arrived?

            Sunday, March 28, 2010

            Too Much Jigga, Not Enough Talent.

            Given the funny concept, this really, really, really coulda been much better.

            Saturday, March 27, 2010

            Let Me See Ya' Grill. No, Literally, Let Me See Ya' Grill, Fool!

            What the holy heck?!?

            Friday, March 26, 2010

            AB.com Rewind - Can You Cook?!?

            [Editor's Note: Irony of all-ironies, just after I did this post and bought the Neely's cookbook, my gas grill had some technical difficulties. I haven't even opened the book, watched the show, or cooked much of anything since.]

            This is gonna sound a bit silly, but since TV really sucks, I now find myself addicted to cooking shows. Don't get me wrong: I'm definitely not a "foodie". I'm one of those "eat to live" guys, not vice versa. I can eat the exact same thing night after night, so long as it's filling and reasonably healthy. I do this all the time when I'm on the road with the Day Job.

            Nonetheless, I consider myself a semi-good cook, and really just like doing it for the sense of accomplishment. I'm a master of all things grilled (ah, the modesty) and can even make a little bit of ethnic food (Indian, Caribbean). Maybe it's the Engineer in me, maybe not. I just enjoy cooking for no particular reason. And in this post racial America, two shows on The Food Network have proven to be Tivo Season Pass-worthy.

            Down 北京体彩网官方网站 With The Neelys is my favorite. It features a married couple from Memphis who happen to own a chain of BBQ restaurants. The show is entertaining, but I wouldn't eat 75% of the fat and sugar laden meals they prepare. I swear these bamas fried a freakin' garden salad!!! on one episode. That said, I find the couple's on-air banter refreshing. Seriously, how often do you see a black married couple get to carry on like this on TV? Get a room ya'll!

            Big Daddy's House is another good one. Camden, NJ chef Aaron McCargo usually cooks a bit healthier fare than the Neelys, but still manages to keep it a little hood' for good measure.

            Perhaps it's just the superior production quality, but both shows are head and shoulders above TV One's Turn Up The Heat With G. Garvin and Livin' It Up With Patti LaBelle. Or maybe it's just me.

            Everyday Italian is also good for the occasional tip. And since we're on the topic, what's with this show? I've heard of the whole "food as pRon" concept the Food Network uses to make their programming more appealing, but I always find this show a little over the top. All the soft focus lenses, the pulsating smooth jazz, the sensual lighting, the extreme closeups, and of course, Giada's ever-plunging necklines. Is this a cooking show or a SkineMax 2:00am flick?!?

            Question: Can you cook? If so, what's your signature dish? Do you watch The Food Network? Is The Neely's slightly ghetto on-air act refreshing, or cringe-worthy? Is Everyday Italian "food pRon"?

            Thursday, March 25, 2010

            The AverageFamily Vacation.

            By the time ya'll read this, The AverageFam will prolly be somewhere on I-95 South, headed towards The World's Happiest (and Most Expensive) Place: DisneyWorld. What possessed me and my wife to take a 15 hour roadtrip with two toddlers is beyond me, but we're outta here. I'll be back in a couple of weeks. While I'm gone, in addition to some pre-written drops and our usual weekly features, I'll be rerunning some of my personal favorite posts in celebration of The 3 Year Anniversary of AB.com.

            That's right folks, I started this erstwhile blog on April 1st, 2007. If you're new here, many of these posts, which have been locked away in the secret vaults of Bloggerdom, may be new to you. If you're an old head, well, leftovers are always better the 2nd time around. In most cases, I'm remixing the posts and posing a different set of questions to spark new convo. As usual when I'm away, I expect ya'll to play nicely and police yourselves in the comments section.

            That said, enjoy these Classic AB.com Rewinds.

            See ya'll soon. Or later. Whichever comes first. Or last.


            AB.com Rewind - Has "The N-Word" Lost All Its Power?!?

            [Editor's Note: In retrospect, this post was a little flippant, but I still feel the same. I don't think the word's lost all of its sting, but I think that moreso than any other time in history, the word only has as much power as we give it.]

            Earlier this year, at the request of my wife, I made AB.com an "N-Word Free Zone". I suppose this was my version of the whole "shaving off your cornrows and growing up" thing ballers and entertainers are doing lately. Still, this didn't come with much deliberation, she simply said I should stop using it on the blog because you never know who's reading, and I agreed. I consider myself a skillful enough writer to not have to resort to using such gutter language to get my point across, and I haven't had a slip-up (out of context, that is) or lost a step since. Water under the bridge...

            On the flipside, part of me wondered why it was even necessary. I think we can uniformly agree that the N-Word is most often used amongst Black folks to disparagingly describe the wayward actions of some other Black folks (ie: "Dem N-Words need to cut they damn grass, this is the suburbs!"). Sure, some folks claim to use it as a term of endearment (ie: "What up my N-Word! Let me borrow your lawnmower!") , but I haven't heard widespread usage in this manner since the Clinton Administration.[1]

            The remaining usage is obvious: as a racial epithet (ie: "We should have never let those N-Words move in this neighborhood. Do they even know what a lawnmower is?"), it's the proverbial "3rd Rail" of American slurs. But how frequently does this even happen anymore? I can't personally remember the last time I was called one by a white person, although I'm sure I was still living in NC when it happened. When was the last newsworthy mention of the "N-Word" being used as a slur? KKKramer? Dog The Bounty Hunter? The OJ Trial? Marge Schott?

            In a roundabout way, I guess I'm wondering if maybe the incessant dumbing down of hip-hop culture has actually succeeding in it's (admittedly unintended) job of robbing the word of its meaning. It's used so often, yet so seldom in its original, highly offensive context. It is possible the word, as a slur, has lost its power?

            I'm 35 years old now, with a wife and two kids. My biggest concerns in life are nurturing my marriage, raising my sons, and keeping a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. Period. Everything outside this isn't even secondary, it's thirdary, assuming that's a real word.[2]

            With that said, I honestly wonder how much I'd even be upset/offended if someone called me the "N-Word" to my face right now. I'm not an "N-Word", by whatever definition you assign to the word, despite the viewpoint of the theoretical accuser. I know this, whether the person calling me one thinks otherwise is irrelevant. Again, I can't say how I'd react if this happened (I'd probably be too shocked to react, honestly), but I don't think "whoopin' somebody a$$" would be in the Top 5 of my possible responses. Bewilderment, maybe. Amusement, perhaps. "Beat a Cracka's A$$"-level rage? I can't say for sure, but knowing myself, not entirely likely.

            Besides, let's face it, if someone really has that much disdain for you to call you that word in this day and age, what good would a beatdown accomplish other than landing you in the clink? Do you think you'd actually beat the "hate" out of them? Prolly not. I'm thinkin' you're just taking totally unnecessary penitentiary chances that will result in you getting a record, and them having a very cool story to tell at the bar.

            Again, if the intent of the word doesn't apply to you, why would you really be offended? I didn't get offended (I know, this isn't exactly apples & apples) when TLC's "No Scrubs" came out, cause I'm not one. I don't get offended when I hear all these blogs, songs, movies, TV shows about "Black Men Ain't Sh*t", cause well, they ain't talkin' bout' me. So why exactly would a word that doesn't (by whatever definition you give it) apply to me be offensive?

            If you wanna offend me, call me "Dumb". Depending on the context/setting (ie: work, my kids' school), you just might wanna guard your grill. But "N-Word"? Sorry, I'm just a bit too busy to get all worked up over something like that.

            Then again, I'm talking from a relative lack of recent experience. Until you're actually confronted with something, who knows?

            Question: Would being called "The N-Word" be grounds for you whoppin' somebody's a$$, or does the word not hold that sort of power over you? What words are "fightin' words" in this post-racial America? Got any notable instances where you were called "The N-Word"? For my white, Asian, Latino, and others, what similar words raise your ire?

            [1] Let's not get tied up in "gga" vs "gger", please. It's the same thing. If you don't believe me, go to your Grandma's house and just start spouting out either version. Tell me how long you're able to do this and still stand upright (or at least a stern talking-to).

            [2] It isn't.

            3 Play Thursday - The System

            It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: 80's Duo The System.

            Often confused with Babyface's incubator "The Deele", The System is a New York duo that put out a few nice, albeit overly synthesized grooves in The Greatest Decade Evar. Here's a trio of my favorites.

            "Don't Disturb This Groove"

            "In My System"

            "Why You Wanna Hurt Me"

            Question: Do you even remember The System, and if so, for what?

            Wednesday, March 24, 2010

            Black Folks' Rule #4081: Know When To Shut Up And Sit Down.

            Name That Sample - "Stay With Me"

            Name That Sample is simple: I play the original song, you tell me who sampled it. Winner gets a day's supply of Cyber CapriSuns™. As always, no Googling! Google is for losers.

            This classic 80's tune by DeBarge has been sampled numerous times. But who can name the most songs that have used these delightful bars?

            Difficulty Level: Simple, But There Are Some Obscure Uses Beyond The Obvious. Stretch Yourself.

            Question: How many songs can you name that used the "Stay With Me" sample? Don't be fooled into just listening to the opening bars, or you'll prolly miss half the possible answers. Feel free to cheat and use other commenters' work, but do NOT Google! Google is for losers.

            Tuesday, March 23, 2010

            Caulk In The Booty?!? Personally, I Blame Beyonce.

            People I Strongly Dislike: Nicki Minaj Wannabes.

            Every 2-3 years, a new cultural phenomenon sweeps young black America reeking general havoc that prolly makes MLK and Rosa roll in their graves. It was the 5-foot-long white tee phase, then the throwback jersey phase, then the skinny jeans phase, which may or may not still be in fashion. When each "phase" takes effect, it's often the trickle-down effect of the influence of whatever rapper's hot at the moment. And this latest "Harajuku Barbie" trend is no exception, as it can clearly be traced to the ascent of one Nicki Minaj.[1]

            For those under a rock, Nicki Minaj is a reasonably talented rapper from Queens who has made a reasonably successful career out of free mixtapes and guest spots on other folks' songs. I can't hate on her lyrically, I got both Sucka Free and Beam Me Up Scotty on my iPod.

            However, I personally cannot stand her stoopid antics, facial tics, faux British accents, and dem' stupid assed pink extensions. That, however, doesn't stop millions of impressionable young black women from co-opting this "style", as any short trip on the Metro will provide sufficient evidence of. And yeah, there are a million and one obligatory YouTube knockoffs to boot.

            Go. Sit. Down. All of you. Sit!

            I'm sure this is exactly what Soujourner Truth had in mind when she was being chased by the slavemaster's dogs through some Georgia swamp.

            I suppose this is mostly harmless if you're in middle school, but if you are over age 25, have pink yaki in your head, and refer to yourself as a 5-Star anything, please get a clue, a life, and a GED. Do not pass Go. Go directly to Everest College. Do better.

            Question: Have you also observed a Knockoff Nicki outbreak in your city/burb? Is this mostly just harmless kiddie stuff, or have you also observed a Nicki Knockoff doing clerical work on a gubb'ment job?

            [1] Hopefully NOT catching on: grotesquely overdone Hydrogel butt/thigh shots. Man, this chick is gonna look turrible in about 10 years. She already looks cartoonishly freakish as-is.

            AB Goes To The Movies: The Blind Side.

            Much like Precious[1], it took me awhile to bring myself to watch The Blind Side. The reasons are many. I live in the midst of enough black dysfunction on the daily. Why would I wanna drop $50 to experience this nonsense on the big screen? Perhaps even worse is the "white Savior" aspect of both movies. Namely, poor, shiftless Negroes are rescued from themselves by White(ish) folks, largely by virtue of tough love and motherly nurturing. If you ain't seen this Hollywood staple before, then might I suggest you go rent Freedom Writers. At least that movie had a good soundtrack.

            For those utterly clueless, The Blind Side is about a wealthy white family that takes in a large, slovenly, mushmouthed black kid from the other side of the tracks, and magically teaches him how to perform pancake blocks to get himself drafted in the NFL. Of course, it's not this simple, but after watching this cliche-ridden piece of drivel, I can't say there's a whole lot more to it.

            Sandra Bullock plays Leigh Anne Tuohy, a Southern Belle married to a rich man, with two beautiful kids and a large suburban 北京体彩网官方网站. When Tuohy realizes that a new kid named "Big Mike" at her children's exclusive private school is 北京体彩网官方网站less, she and her husband take him in out of the kindness of their hearts and make him a part of their family. They bathe him, dress him, educate him, and motivate him to turn his life into something other than a statistic. In the end, "Big" Michael Oher goes on to play four years of college ball at Ole' Miss, and was drafted last year as a first rounder for the Baltimore Ravens. It's a true story that was inspired by a book of the same name, and provided you're able to turn off your third eye, this is a relatively entertaining movie.

            As ya'll know, my Negro Spidey Sense has no off button, so I couldn't watch this nonsense without wincing. Sure, much of what's here is true. The Tuohys did indeed take in Oher, and rightfully deserve much praise for helping out a kid who was headed nowhere. But come the hell on! So much of this movie is insulting, and borderline stereotypical for the sake of manufactured drama, it kills any good vibes I might have walked away with.

            Perhaps the most alarming is Oher himself, who is portrayed as a damn near a mute. Sure, Oher in real life is pretty soft spoken for an NFL player, but they movie makes him look like an imbecile. He is routinely tutored academically by his 3rd grader "adoptive brother", a child so comically obnoxious you want to punch your TV screen when he's on it. Leigh Anne reads "Big Mike" children's books for Crissakes. WTF? And in an act of fiction so egregious, I'm shocked Oher didn't sue for defamation, the movie basically shows him being taught how to play football by a 9 year-old and a 50-something white woman. In real life, Oher had been playing football since Pop Warner, but here, he somehow, thanks to the magical Tennessee twang of Sandra Bullock, goes from not even knowing what a snap count is, to being recruited by every SEC school in a matter of two weeks time.

            Even worser, there isn't a single black character in this movie that helps Mike. His real Mom is on drugs and has nearly 20 kids, so she willingly gives him up for adoption. His neighborhood is full of dope boys who ogle Tuohy and try to get Mike to join a gang. And even once he gets a scholarship, his dreams are nearly derailed by some evil sista who suggests that that Tuohys only allowed him to move in because they wanted to steer him towards playing college ball at their alma mater. Of course, when Mike finds himself in even more trouble, a pistol-packin' Leanne simply rides over to North Memphis and threatens some gangbangers to set him free.

            Holy Caucasian Jesus, who the hell wrote this crap?!?

            Again, this isn't a terrible movie, so much as its typical. You've seen it all before, and there's nothing new in The Blind Side, whatsoever. What's atypical is how successful this movie was, raking in a cool $200M, and giving Bullock the distinction of being the first female lead in a movie that did those numbers. That, more than anything else, is what I suspect earned her the best actress Academy Award, because it sure wasn't her performance in this movie. Yeah, Bullock captures the Southern drawl and overall presence of the real-life Leigh Anne Tuohy to the tee, but this movie is so cookie-cutter, and so full of cliches, I can't imagine why someone deemed this worthy of an Oscar.

            Final Verdict: Is The Blind Side decent "turn off your brain" entertainment if you have nothing better to do? Sure? But if you're like me, and find that "off" switch hard to locate, you might wanna pass. 2 1/2 Stars (Out Of 5)

            Question: Did you see The Blind Side? Is this "White Folks Save The Negroes From Themselves" genre of movie getting played out, or is it just me?

            [1] The review is coming soon.

            Monday, March 22, 2010

            It's AverageNation™ Obama Approval Rating Time Again.

            Yep, it's about that time yet again. The polls (quietly) opened today and will run for about a week. As usual, vote early and often, don't allow yourself to be systematically disenfranchised when the Blogger.com Poll Widget inevitably starts kirking out yet again Da' Man tries to administer that poll test. I don't know how many bubbles are in a bar of soap, and neither do you.

            Don't think about voting, Vote! Do it now! Do it for your ancestors! Do it for the chill'rens! Do it for my Technorati Rating!

            Obama registered an all-time low 65% Approval Rating when I last ran this feature the back in December 09'. With the passage of historic healthcare reform, I expect this number to go back up, but well, as sports commentators say, "that's why they play the game". So vote, please.

            I'm holding my commentary for now, I'll save it for the recap. We'll see what the rest of AverageNation™ thinks when the polls close in about a week.

            Question: How did you vote? Why? Do you think the overall approval rating is going to drop, rise, or stay the same this time around?

            The TeaBagger Circus.

            Yep, these were the folks I saw Saturday.

            AverageNation™ March Madness: Week One Results.

            , I'm still near the top. Which is good, cause man, it would really suck to end up on the a$$-end of your own pyramid.

            Congrats to Markus Liles for wearing the crown after Week One. But watch your back, buddy. We got plenty more games left to play.

            Question: How messed up is your bracket?!?

            HCR: The Morning After.

            If not, go have a look, and tell me if you think they had any intentions all along of doing anything to help "The American People".

            "The American People" - If I hear one more person on either side of the aisle use this term, I am gon' cut somebody. There is no such thing as "The American People". I haven't personally been polled for anything, nor has anyone I know personally. How politrician after politrician can pretend to know what "The American People" outside their own personal echo chamber actually wants is beyond me. Actually, that's wrong. We do know what "The American People" want. They told us on November 4th, 2008.

            Obama Might Be A Bit Too Good For This Job - President Obama made history last night, but I wonder if history, the way its being written today, will even reflect the enormity of what he just pulled off. I personally think Barack Obama is a guy of great character, intelligence, and integrity. And while I am now squarely back in the "approves" corner, it still strikes me that maybe this isn't the right job for him. A brilliant guy surrounded by idiots (on both sides, but especially his own party), he seems like he's just above the nonsense he has to deal with as President. It sounds a bit silly to say this guy "deserves better", but honestly, I sometimes think the job of President is a bit beneath him. How he manages to "dumb it down" and deal with some the sh*t flung at him is beyond me. I'm happy this guy is our President, but I can't help but wonder if even he has regrets about what he got himself into.

            Question: What are your thoughts on "The Morning After".

            HealthCare Reform Open Discussion.

            Well, he deeed it.

            HC Reform passed last night, and depending on who you listen to, the US is either better off, or a full-scale revolt is nearing.

            What do ya'll think?

            Question: Is HCR going to help this country北京体彩网官方网站 or only further tear it apart? Have we seen the last of the TeaBaggers? Will Dems who voted for HCR be in trouble come November, or is the country北京体彩网官方网站's collective attention span shorter than pundits would like to think? How will this bill effect you personally?

            Saturday, March 20, 2010

            AB Goes To A TeaParty. Accidentally.

            , I didn't witness any of this firsthand. For the most part, the Tea Party protesters I encountered were courteous, and gladly moved out the way as I maneuvered my stroller through the crowd. And while I completely disagree with these folks, and find them comically misinformed, reality is, what they're doing is as American as apple pie. It's great that we live in a country北京体彩网官方网站 where folks can be manipulated by millionaire talk radio hosts to vote against their own economic self-interests, but that's the way the founding fathers and the slaves who cooked their pancakes would have wanted it. One man's Tea Party is another Man's anti-war protest, is another man's pro-immigration rally. Instead of making fun of these folks, we should be grateful we live in a country北京体彩网官方网站 where they're allowed an opposing opinion, no matter how idiotic it might sound.

            God Bless America.

            Question: Assuming HealthCare reform passes, will we have the last of the TeaBaggers?!?

            NBA Jam 2010

            I always hated this game as a kid. Now, my kids can also hate it.

            Friday, March 19, 2010

            People I Strongly Dislike: Personal Trainers.

            , and sounds just like Steve Harvey. He probably should be somewhere downtown behind a desk working for Wackenhut, but instead, he's working at a large, franchised personal fitness center which shall not be named for legal purposes.[2]

            Perhaps oddest is the one time out of ten that Big Al actually does have a client. Man, I gotta tell you, I just don't understand middle-aged suburban housewives sometimes. Again, Al has a stomach out to here, but these poor, clueless women take his advice like it's gold, albeit gold that costs $35 per session. Big Al "talks" them through a pretty flimsy "workout" of situps, stretches, and band exercises when he's not busy flirting with passersby or talking on his phone. And perhaps most disturbing is when Al has these women laying down on one of those huge "workout balls", which I assume is for the abs.[3] Watching Al playfully tap the women (repeatedly and forcefully) on the backside with each rep, and watching them smile at the attention is sorta gross in a "catching your aunt and uncle making out in the living room" sorta way.[4]

            I'm sure these women come to Big Al to make up for some of the attention they might be missing at 北京体彩网官方网站, and he gladly provides it for a mere $140/week. Are they getting an actual "workout"? Judging by the continually expanding waistlines of many of these chicks, I seriously doubt it. And sadly, I can probably say the same for most of the other personal trainers at my gym, who also seem to prey on middle aged women, and are rather, shall we say, "liberal" with their hands when showing these women how to stretch, and bend, and whatnot. It's like a 2am SkineMax flick with fewer plastic parts, more clothes, and even worse music.

            Then again if I looked like Clifton Powell and sounded like Steve Harvey, I'd prolly rather grope these thirsty, middle-aged chicks than do some lame security gig myself.

            I ain't (that) mad at ya' Big Al.

            Question: Do you use a personal trainer? Have you actually gotten results, or are they simply telling you to do what you already know? Is Big Al pimpin' these chicks, or is he providing a valuable service to the suburban community?

            [1] I usually keep my headphones on the entire time, even in the shower. Yes, it's possible.

            [2] But just for the record, it rhymes with "Gold's Gym".

            [3] What the heck are those big balls for anyway?

            [4] All together now... "Eeeewwwwwwwwww!"

            Why Do Folks Like "Bad News" So Much?!?

            Thursday, March 18, 2010

            Laugh Break: Robin Harris.

            [Editor's Note: This week marks the 20th anniversary of the death of a guy who might have been the best that ever did it with a few more years of material. Since I've already done a special edition of We Owned The 80's for Robin Harris, I figured this was as good a time as any for a Rewind. Enjoy.]

            Anyone alive in the 80's surely remembers Robin Harris' shortlived career. I usually give my brand of commentary to these 80's retrospectives, but I am pulling from the guy's bio since I don't want to overlook anything.
            1985 was Harris' year; as the master of ceremonies at the Comedy Act Theater, his “old school” brand of humor began to gain him a mainstream following. A large-eyed stand-up churlish brand of humor and quick put-downs were his trademark. Harris made a promising feature debut playing a no-nonsense bartender in the feature film I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988). Harris performed in Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing (1989). As "Sweet Dick Willie," Harris served as part of the neighborhood "Greek chorus" that commented on the events of an increasingly tense day. Harris was Pop, the no-nonsense, quick-witted father of Kid in House Party (1990). He followed up later that year with a small turn as a jazz club MC in Mo' Better Blues. He also had a role in Eddie Murphy's Harlem Nights (1989).

            In Harris' "Bébé's Kids" routines, Harris' girlfriend Jamika would insist that he take her friend Bébé's three ill-behaved children with them on a date, as she continually agreed to babysit them. The children would regularly make a fool out of and/or annoy Harris. "We Bébé's kids," they would proclaim, "we don't die...we multiply."

            The Hudlin Brothers had intended to make a feature film based upon the "Bébé's Kids" sketches, but Harris died while the film was in pre-production. Bébé's Kids instead became an animated feature—the first ever to feature an all-Black main cast—directed by Bruce W. Smith and featuring the voices of Faizon Love (as Harris), Vanessa Bell Calloway, Marques Houston, Nell Carter, and Tone Lōc.
            Here's Harris' renowned BeBe's Kids routine. I've heard this over 1000 times, and it's still funny to this day.

            The infamous "follow the drip" scene from House Party.

            And here's his HBO One Night Stand. Yeah, the guy repeats jokes sometimes, but he still kills.

            Sadly, Harris' career was short circuited by a massive heart attack that took his life in 1990. Odd as it may seen, he was only 36 at the time. Imagine what he'd have gone on to do had he lived.

            Question: What's your favorite Robin Harris Joke? Had he lived, could Harris have eventually challenged Richard Pryor for the Funniest Of All Time crown?

            Ashy Or Classy?!? - Notorious P.R.E.C.I.O.U.S.


            Folks, I hate to break it to ya'll, but these are comedians. They are paid to say funny stuff, and sometimes this stuff is gonna be crude.[1]

            Sure, Foxx (who isn't even the funniest person on his own show) comparing Precious to Biggie Smalls, mostly based on skin tone and build is heartless, and in bad spirit. But then again, this is a subscription-based radio show, not NPR. Folks (myself included) tune in to hear Johnny Mack, Speedy, Corey, Jamie and Co. act a d*mn fool. The show is never PC, which is what makes satellite radio worth the $11/month. And yeah, I laughed my a$$ off during this routine and didn't find it all that different from Howard Stern's similar stab at Sidibe, which granted, was more mean-spirited than funny.

            Turrible as both Stern and Foxx's words were, reality is, it's a free country北京体彩网官方网站, and they're both entitled to say dumb sh*t, because neither does anything of significance (starring in Stank Robbers doesn't carry the same weight as being an elected official. Sorry.) other than entertain. Period.

            Question: Ashy Or Classy?!? Was the FoxxHole's jab at Gabourey Sidibe heartless and unconscionable, or do comedians have free reign to push the envelope, so long as those who pay to hear them aren't offended?

            [1] If you want to call me a hypocrite for getting upset about DL Hughley calling the Rutgers girls "nappy headed hoes", but laughing at Jamie Foxx making fun of Precious, go right ahead. I'm a big boy, I can take it.

            3 Play Thursday - The Deele.

            It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: 80's R&B Group The Deele.

            Long before LA Reid and Babyface became the hottest production duo of the 90's they did time with an ultra corny 80's R&B group called The Deele, which actually put out some decent music, despite making the cheesiest videos of the decade, which is quite an accomplishment of its own. Here's a trio of my favorite.

            "Two Occasions"

            "Shoot 'Em Up Movies"

            "Body Talk"

            Question: Do you even remember The Deele, and if so, for what?

            Wednesday, March 17, 2010

            Sign Up For AverageNation™ March Madness.

            , and make your picks. Use the password blog when prompted.

            The winner will get a giftbag full of random leftover sh*t that's been sent to me for review over the past few months. Hey, it's free stuff. Don't be so picky.

            Sign up now, and get ready to talk smack.

            We Need A JumpOff Code Of Honor (Revisited).

            Name That Sample - "Ooh This Love Is So"

            Name That Sample is simple: I play the original song, you tell me who sampled it. Winner gets a day's supply of Cyber CapriSuns™. As always, no Googling! Google is for losers.

            This classic 80's tune by Al B Sure has been sampled numerous times. But who can name the most songs that have used these delightful bars?

            Difficulty Level: Moderate.

            Question: How many songs can you name that used the "Ooh This Love Is So" sample? Don't be fooled into just listening to the opening bars, or you'll prolly miss half the possible answers. Feel free to cheat and use other commenters' work, but do NOT Google! Google is for losers.

            Tuesday, March 16, 2010

            Yet More Bad News For Single Black Women.

            Monday, March 15, 2010

            Too Much Glenn Beck, And Too Little Common Sense.

            "Crisis Garden"?!?

            See what happens when you use irrational fear of The Beige One to scare poor trailer park dwellers into buying gun, anno, and overpriced gold? Now seemingly another post-apocalyptic cottage industry is springing up preying on the poor sheep listeners of Conservative media everyday. And now, you got these morons peddling seeds for $150. Seeds!!! Yeah, the same packs of seeds you could go down to Duane Reade and get 5 for $5.

            I'll tell ya', this goes waaaay beyond a typical Grand Hu$tle, all the way into "someone oughta call the Better Business Bureau" territory. Pity the poor sap who just spent part of his refund check on this nonsense.

            Question: Are "Survival Seeds" the final frontier in "The Fear Of A Black Prez Industrial Complex", or is something even more inane still out there, just begging to be sold next? What will it be next? Air? Dirt? Sunlight? Can Obama actually take people's sunlight?