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            Sunday, January 31, 2010

            RHOA Nominated For NAACP Image Award. WTF?!?

            Saturday, January 30, 2010

            Axe Ball Cleaner.

            "What about my ball sack?!?"

            Question: Is this real?!?

            Thursday, January 28, 2010

            Get On Your SoapBox Day.

            . Where the heck is Clinton Portis? Yes, that was a joke.

            The Corey Holcomb Show - My favorite comedian has his own show on Sirius XM now. Be forewarned, the language is definitely not safe for kiddies. .

            The Infamous Gary Coleman Mugshot - !?!?

            Jersey Shore - I just discovered the show, and all I gotta say is DANG! And I thought the Real Housewives Of Atlanta singlehandedly disgraced a whole race. Speaking of which...

            RHOA Nominated For NAACP Image Award - .Question: Got anything interesting you wanna talk with the rest of AverageNation™ about? Get the convo started you-know-where.

            [1] Man, if there's a such thing as a slept-on classic tune, it's this one.

            Behind The Blog - What's Up With All Them Gamblin' Ads?!?

            they’re always running gambling Ads. And I know some of you are probably looking at me sideways and thinking "Damn, AB sold out!"

            Truth be told, I wasn't crazy about the ads when I was first approached to start running them, but when I saw how much these folks were offering, I had to quickly reconsider.

            Those simple text ads are placed here in the almighty name of SEO. That's it, and that's all. I'd love to not have to run them, but considering the money involved, it's hard to just say no. Seriously, I make more in 3 minutes putting up one of those ads than I would writing 10 freelance articles. They're also far more lucrative than the Google AdSense image ads, which, in case you haven't noticed, I have no content control over. Do you really think I'd be running a bunch of interractial fetish dating and Sarah Palin book ads if I had my way? Of course not. So, at least that's a bonus.

            The quandary here is obvious: I'm a "positive black man"[1] with a website full of ads for services that ruin peoples lives. Or at least that's the way it appears on the surface.

            I've long since come to terms with this. I think, just like any other thing, moderation is key. Irresponsible gaming is the fault of the gamer, not the casino. Am I still wading in slightly unsavory waters here? Sure, I suppose you could say that. But I wouldn't run malt liquor ads here, cause I hate malt liquor. I love Vegas. Live and let live. Let live and get money. It's a recession. Daddy needs some new New Balances. So, the ads stay, and there might even be more of em' coming.

            Still, I'd be somewhat interested in knowing what ya'll think about this.

            Question: What do you think about AB.com running gaming ads? Does this somewhat cheapen the website, or do you only care about the content here, not the ads?

            [1] I really hate that term. Really.

            SOTU Open Thread.

            Ok, Obama's got one under the belt. How'd he do? Too centric? Too boring? Just right?

            Have at it.

            Question: What did you think of Obama's first State Of The Union Address?!?

            The iPad Is Unveiled.

            Apple finally unveiled its next great "creation", and I'm a bit underwhelmed. Honestly, I can't see how this is such an improvement on the iPod Touch. Bigger screen and fuller keyboard, sure? But what's the killer app that makes this any better than your standard netbook? I just don't see it.

            The price points (starting at $499) are right, but I fail to see how this product is the quantum leap it hass long been rumored to be. Explain if you know.

            Question: What do you think of the iPad?!? You getting one?

            3 Play Thursday - Best Slow Jams Of The 00's.

            It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: Best Slow Jams Of The Last Decade.

            Okaaaaay, so black music officially jumped the shark last decade. That doesn't mean the occasional quality tune didn't drop. Here's a handful of my favorites.

            "Beautiful (Caught Up)" - Tweet (2002)

            Remember when Tweet and Ashanti both came out, sorta like the same way Alicia Keys and India.Arie both came out and the same time, and were sorta pitted as rivals? Obviously, Keys won her death match, because India.Arie is working at an Atlanta area Sizzler. I suppose Ashanti beat Tweet, but that's strictly on the basis of longevity, not quality of music. Her debut album was very solid.

            Ruff Endz - "Someone To Love You" (2001)

            Hint #1 That Your Record Label Doesn't Think You Look Good Enough To Sell Records: You don't even get to be the star love interest in your own video. That's cool though, cause this song will still get spins 20 years from now.

            Glenn Lewis - "And Don't You Forget It" - (2001)

            This guy was a little too weird acting, and never made it big either, but again, nice tune.

            Question: Got any favorite slow jams made in the 00's?!?

            Wednesday, January 27, 2010

            AB Goes To The Movies - Black Dynamite.

            Sometime after I finished college, I really got heavy into those 70's blaxploitation flicks for a minute. I product of the (mid) 70's myself, I only vaguely recall this era of urban cinema, but somewhere along the way, I found myself very interested, and ended up buying dozens of DVD's of the best flicks. From Coffy, to Sweetback Badass Song, to Blackula, I got a bunch of these films in my personal stash, for reasons even I can't truly comprehend.

            Let's face it, these movies were routinely awful. The plots were all the same. The dialogue was laughably horrible. They were racist as all get-out. They were mind numbingly stereotypical. They were cheesy. The soundtracks was generally the sorta crap you hear in pRon. They were movies for us, about us, and made by Jewish people. About the only good thing to come out of this era was, of course, the lovely Pam Grier.

            In recent years, movies lampooning this special genre of film have sprouted up from time to time. There were movies like I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Pootie Tang, and Undercover Brother, all of which were able to recapture the spirit of the era, but mostly for comedic effect.

            Black Dynamite, a movie that's been lurking about the internet for awhile in some form or fashion, is just now making it to movie screens. Unlike the other films, Dynamite is more of an homage to the long-deceased genre, and as such, I suspect it's a film that only folks who like these kinds of movies will enjoy.

            Wikipedia's short synopsis says "In 1972, Black Dynamite, a former CIA agent, is called back into the business when the mafia kills his brother, fills black orphanages with heroin, and floods the street with bad malt liquor. He soon discovers a vast conspiracy." And yeah, that's pretty much the extent of the plot.

            This movie, given the type of films it's mimicking, can only be so good, and it more or less lives up (or down, depending on your view) to that expectation. The plot's overly simplistic, the dialogue is hokey, and the fight scenes are outrageously cheesy. In other words, it's a dead ringer for the movies it's paying honor to. Perhaps even better is the extreme attention to technical detail. The slightly discolored hue, "fake scratches or digitally generated retro deterioration", are all authentic, because the movie was shot on film. Anyone familiar with blaxploitation flicks will appreciate this.

            I also happened to enjoy the cast, which is a who's who of Black Hollywood D-Listers. Michael Jai White (Spawn, Why Did I Get Married?) plays the title character with the same level of lousy acting chops as Richard Roundtree in Shaft, but given the material, this works perfectly. Other familiar faces like Salli Richardson, Kym Whitley, Arsenio Hall, Chris Spencer, and Tommy Davidson round out the cast.

            This definitely isn't a film for everyone, but if you're a fan of the genre, there's a good chance you'll appreciate Black Dynamite.

            Final Verdict - I liked it. Whether you do or not likely has a lot to do with your understanding of the point of reference. Skip the internet bootleg and go support this film. 3 Stars (Out Of 5)

            Question: Have you seen Black Dynamite? Got any blaxploitation favorites of your own?

            Tuesday, January 26, 2010

            Dumb Blond(e) Moments.

            Although I pride myself on being the intelligent, well-rounded black man ya'll tune in to read on the daily, reality is, I ain't no perfect man. I'm trying to do the best that I can. With what it is I have.

            I'm 36 32 years old, and there are somethings I still do not know about life that I'd be embarrassed if other folks found out. Likewise, I sometimes do some really, really, really dumb stuff that just leaves my wife shaking her head, partially in amazement, and partially in disgust. You know, sorta like this...

            I call these things Dumb Blond(e) Moments[1], and I'd like to share a few with you, mostly for therapeutic reasons, but also because I'd like to know if I'm alone in not knowing this stuff, or if I'm truly just stupid.
            I am old as I am, and do not know how to tie a necktie properly. Yes, my Dad taught me how, but it just never clicked. I have my brother, who lives 45 minutes away, tie every new necktie I get, and I pray it doesn't become unravelled.

            I didn't realize until a few days ago that "ScrubFree" bathtub cleaner actually does what it says it does. If you just spray and leave it there, the ring will magically disappear. And all these years, I've sprayed, and then scrubbed. I feel so stupid.

            I bought a "self propelled" lawnmower about 3 years ago, and have toiled with the steep hill in my back yard ever since. A month or so ago, I mistakenly hit this bar, just under the mower's handle, and the lawnmower started moving on it's own.

            I just learned how to snap my fingers about a year ago.

            I still cannot do the "new" Electric Slide, more than 2 decades since it came out.

            I don't know if you spell the word "Blond" or "Blonde".

            I grew up in the South, and still sorta live there, but I have never eaten chitlins'. Or lima beans. Or green peas. Or creamed corn.

            I've googled the term repeatedly, but I still don't understand what a Technorati rating is, or why it matters.

            I do not know how to properly blow my nose. I'd rather not elaborate.
            Okay, that was great, and sorta embarrassing. But we're all family here, so I want to hear your Dumb Blond(e) Moments.

            Question: Got any Dumb Blond(e) Moments of your own you want to share? Is it spelled "Blond" or "Blonde"?!?

            [1] No disrespect to any blond(e) readers.

            Black, White, Or Other?!? - The Chicken Fryin', Hair Cuttin' Burglar.

            Stereotypes are a way of life in America. We feed into them so readily that they take on a life of their own. But just how well do you really know your racial stereotypes?

            Black, White, Or Other?!? lists a particularly heinous crime/news story, with incriminating bits of info omitted for the sake of confidentiality. Your job is to guess whether the protagonist is black, white, or the omnipresent "other", and to tell why you guessed how you did. The best guessplanation wins a week's supply of Cyber CapriSuns. And yeah, you could prolly Google the news story to find out the race of the person, but what sorta loser does that? Seriously.

            I hate stating the obvious, but since some folks can't follow instructions, I must. If you've already heard about the story, do not answer! Be a good sport. Don't cheat.

            Anyways, here's today's entry...
            A [redacted] man broke into a [redacted] 北京体彩网官方网站 on Sunday, cut his hair, took a shower, cooked fried chicken then refused to leave when the 北京体彩网官方网站owner found him watching television, court records say.

            According to court records, [redacted], of the first block of [redacted] Street, broke into the 北京体彩网官方网站 in the first block of [redacted] Street by smashing the front door window with a large rock.

            [redacted], who lives at the 北京体彩网官方网站, told police she came back to find [redacted] sitting in her television room. She told police she did not know the man and he refused to leave.

            Police said it appeared as though [redacted] had visited every room in the house. [redacted]' family photos were turned face down and several photos were taken off the walls. Dressers and closets had been rummaged through. [redacted] had also allegedly taken a shower and cut his hair in the kitchen, where he was also preparing fried chicken.

            [redacted] was arrested and charged with burglary, criminal trespass, theft and criminal mischief. He was sent to [redacted] County Prison in lieu of $15,000 bail.
            Question: Is the hair cuttin', chicken eatin' burglar Black, White, Or Other? Why?

            Monday, January 25, 2010

            Maybe President Obama Reads AB.com, After All.

            AB Goes To Redbox - Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself.

            [Editor's Note: Yes, I realize EbonyGentleman reviewed this months ago. Consider this an addendum of sorts.]

            As ya'll know, I'm at peace with Tyler Perry. Many months ago, I finally came to the conclusion that Perry was no more a perpetuator of stereotypical images than any other person in the media, and it's unfair for everyone to pile on him. Simply put, the guy is a hustler, and just because his hustle doesn't appeal to me personally doesn't mean somebody doesn't like it. And apparently, given Perry's box office success, there are lots of somebodies who enjoy and occasional mindless diversion from everyday life, my spouse included. Nuff' said.

            With that stated, I Can Do Bad All By Myself was the first TP movie whose previews looked so bad that even my wife didn't want to both seeing it in the theaters. Instead of dropping $40 to go see this, we waited a few weeks and caught the Redbox rental for a mere dollar. If you ain't familiar with Redbox, get familiar. And no, that is not a paid endorsement, just like my months and months of free ads for Netflix weren't a paid endorsement. Reality is, if you want to save money, and are only really interested in new releases, Redbox >>>>> Netflix. On the other end of the spectrum, watching grass grow >>>>> BlockBuster. Man, when did that franchise fall so far the eff' off?

            But I digress, I Can Do Bad All By Myself was a hard movie to categorize from the trailers, and its an even harder movie to categorize in totality. A boozy, floozy cabaret singer named April (Taraji P. Henson) finds her life turned upside down when she is forced to take in her sister's children after their grandmother goes mysteriously missing. The long neglected kids shine the light on just how cruddy April's life really is. She curses like a sailor, beds a married man who pays all her bills, and has completely cut off the rest of her family. The house only gets more crowded when April takes in a mysterious Latin drifter (Adam Rodriguez) as a favor to the local pastor. Lots of gospel sanging, crying, flashbacks to childhood horrors, and the obligatory "come to Jesus" church scene ensue. If you can't see how this movie will unfold as the opening credits are running, then clearly you've never seen a TP movie.

            I'll just be honest: this movie is pretty lousy. Henson does her best to rise above the hamhanded dialogue, but there's only so much she can do. This movie is just so terribly overridden with cliches (abusive boyfriend, too cute kids, prince charming), it's almost laughable that anyone would consider this a quality film. Perhaps worst of all is the location. This movie is the first to be shot entirely on the premises of Perry's brand new Atlanta studios, and it's so obvious the film is shot on a backlot that it's comical. The same car is seen coming out of the same driveway 5 times during a single scene. The set is supposed to be "Atlanta", but when I last checked, ATL didn't have New York style brownstones. I'm happy Perry was able to pull off such an entrepreneurial feat, but for a guy who unusually has a decent eye for the camera, this all just comes off as so cheesy. I realize it's cheaper to make movies this way, as opposed to on location, but Lord, the end result looks like a cross between a telenovella and a Sci-Fi Channel Original movie. Sorry for getting all technical on ya'll, but this was just inexcusable.

            In the end, this movie is little more than disposable entertainment, but it's easily Perry's worst movie yet, and that's saying a lot.

            Final Verdict - Hey, it's just $1. If this is your thing, hit the Redbox. 1.5 Stars (Out Of 5)

            Question: Did you see I Can Do Bad All By Myself?!?

            Sunday, January 24, 2010

            A KlanBall™ Update.

            Wow, this guy's even more stupid in person.

            Saturday, January 23, 2010

            A Love Song For Gamers.

            Yeah, I know this is a few months old, but it's still funny.

            For those DC folks wondering what Huggy Lowdown looks like, that's him in the first segment.

            Friday, January 22, 2010

            Sex Addict Or Mere Opportunist?!?

            in rural Mississippi, where he's reportedly been getting help for his "sex addiction".

            Sorry, but could someone please explain the whole term "sex addiction" to me? Cause where I stand, this smells like some PR bull. Let's face it, the only problem with what Woods was doing was the fact that he was married while he did it. Period. Famous dudes (and women) get it thrown at them all the time, and they gladly catch it. This is not an addiction, it's called amazing fortune indulgence. Derek Jeter's selection (and prolly frequency) of jumpoffs is of a far higher quality than Mr. Woods for very obvious reasons, but I've yet to hear anyone refer to him as an "addict". Hell, if 15 chicks in a 10 year professional career makes him an "addict", then what does that make the average NBA player, Congressman, or hair band guitarist? A "junkie"? Again, the problem here is not the number of women that Woods boned on the side, it's the fact that they were on the side. That's it, and that's all. I suppose someone could argue that the "addiction" stems from Woods' inability to keep it in his pants once he was married. Okay, I suppose there's some merit to that. But let's face it: dude's getting divorced. There's no reason to go celibate now. If nothing else, he should be able to expand his variety of selections now that there's no societal pressure to keep sh*t under wraps. He can upgrade to Ruth's Chris waitresses now. Eff' a Perkins. I know a Grand Hu$tle when I see one, and we all know this is little more than a nice PR tactic to setup his inevitable comeback tour. It'll be nice fodder for the obligatory Oprah/Diane Sawyer soft-focused lens interview. And he'll be back on the PGA by Independence Day, and everyone's favorite redemption story by Christmas. Because isn't that always how it works? Question: Is there such a thing as a sex addiction, or are some guys just luckier than others? Is this little more than a PR tactic, or do you think Woods is truly getting in touch with his inner monk?

            Thursday, January 21, 2010

            KlanBall™ - The Whites-Only NBA?!? Wigga Please.

            [1] Boy, does Michael Jordan know how to pick talent or what?!!?

            3 Play Thursday - Eddie Murphy.

            It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: Eddie Murphy.

            With the crossover success (comedy, movies, singing) of Jamie Foxx, it's not so hard to imagine a comedian singing anymore, but some seem to have lost respect for the architect. Long before Wanda morphed into Ray, who morphed into "Blame It On The Alcohol", there was Eddie Murphy. Murphy, in short order, went from SNL standout, to box office gold with movies like 48 Hours and Beverly Hills Cop. At the height of his popularity, Murphy then did something all self-indulgent stars, surrounded by sycophants and blow do: he tried his hand at singing.

            The results, uhhh, well, judge for yourself...

            "Party All The Time" ft. Rick James

            It sounds and looks tacky now, but for the sheer novelty alone, this song was pretty popular back when it came out. Did folks clown Eddie for his tonedeaf oversinging? Yes. But this was "Rick James, B****!!!" And at his height, everything Rick James touched turned to platinum.

            "Put Your Mouth On Me"

            This one actually wasn't that bad. Mercilessly overproduced, yes. But terrible? No.

            "I Was A King" ft. Shabba Ranks

            Ahhh, the Shabba Ranks era. Yes, this was indeed terrible.

            "Whatzupwitu" ft. Michael Jackson

            Pause [||] on this whole song, and this terrible green screened video. I have nothing else to say.

            Question: Assuming there is such a thing, what's your favorite Eddie Murphy tune?!?

            Wednesday, January 20, 2010

            Laugh Break - Corey Holcomb.

            Corey Holcomb isn't a household name yet, but give him a minute. Yeah, this is pretty crass, sexist stuff, but tell me it ain't funny.

            Kiss That Second Term Goodbye, Barry.

            [Editor's Note: I had a "Barry's First Year" post scheduled to run for today, but seriously, after last night, what's the point? Maybe I'll run it later.]

            More than anything else in life, I hate being proven wrong. It eats at the core of my Intelligent Negro Sensibilities, and whatnot. During the historic 2008 campaign, I kept wondering if the things I saw about Barack Obama that made me uncomfortable would somehow make him a lousy President, but I sooo didn't want Cotton Hill and Miss Sarah occupying the White House, I just looked the other way.

            Everytime Obama "played it cool" when confronted with an obvious falsehood, I gave him credit for "taking the high road". Everytime he was punched, and refused to punch back, I wrote it off as "exercising self-control". Everytime he refused to sink to the level of his competition, I wrote it off as "not playing into an angry racial stereotype".

            Now, on the one year anniversary of Obama's Inauguration, I'm wondering if I was just ignoring the obvious signs all along. This guy is not, and likely will not ever be, the sort of leader this country北京体彩网官方网站 needs at this point in time, and with last night's election of some dude named Scott Brown to the US Senate seat vacated by Ted Kennedy, the GOP has the final vote needed to obstruct everything Obama wants to do.

            And effectively, the Obama Presidency just ended.

            Some of ya'll on Twitter last night said I was overreacting, but think about this a bit more deeply. The GOP have been hardcore obstructionists of everything Obama's done thus far, even his desire to increase funding for freakin' headstart programs. They don't give a sh*t about anything but getting re-elected. Period. Now that they've got the silver bullet in the Senate, there's virtually no chance of ObamaCare getting passed in any meaningful form. No chance of education reform. No chance of climate control legislation. Nothing. Anyone who thinks the Republicans are suddenly going to start behaving in a bipartisan fashion just delusional. No, they still have no greater ideas for fixing the country北京体彩网官方网站 than Obama does, but they can block anything he attempts, which effectively renders him a lame duck. I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit to see even more seats in both the House and Senate switch hands this Fall. And the thing is, Obama has nobody to blame for this but himself.

            Think about it: he essentially let a bunch of toothless, misinformed ingrates seize the news cycles spewing all sorts of nonsense about "death panels" the whole summer, but had no effective counter attack. He didn't keep Pelosi and Reid in any sort of check as they basically screwed around for months loading goodies into a HealthCare plan that should have been written and passed in weeks. When the GOP continually painted him as a big spender who would "tax our children and grandchildren into chattel slavery", he did nothing to point out the fact that he'd already cut most people's taxes, and the same GOP was still putting pork into every spending bill themselves.

            I've said this a million times: perception is reality. If you're expecting most of America to pay attention to nuance, and be intelligent enough to look beyond BS, you are just plain stupid. There's a reason why Fox News has more viewers than CNN and MSNBC combined. A reason why Sarah Palin is considered an actual politician and not a walking punchline. A reason why folks tune in to people like Limbaugh, and Michael Savage, and Hannity, and other numbskulls. Every underestimate the power of dumb people. This country北京体彩网官方网站 has a lot of dumb people. Apparently Obama wasn't smart enough to understand this, or he'd have been far more pro-active in getting his message out there, and marginalizing theirs.

            Instead, he believed in the intelligence and the resolve of the American people to look beyond foolishness, and he believed wrong. Dead wrong. Don't get it twisted. A traditionally blue state doesn't go red 14 months after an historic landslide election for no reason. These folks weren't voting for some d-bag who drives a pickup truck, they were voting against Obama.

            It pains me to write this, because this guy had so much potential. I took days off work to campaign for him. I gave money. I made calls.

            I did my part. I wish he woulda done his.

            Question: Am I overreacting (as usual), or did last night effectively signal the end of Obamania?!? Was the Mass special election about Brown vs Coakley, or was it actually America vs Obama? One year later, are you equally disillusioned? What, if anything, can Obama do to turn things around?

            Things I Learned From Watching MSNBC's "Obama's America"

            Recent news that Tavis Smiley was cancelling his annual Negro SoundByte Olympics barely sent a ripple through the black blogosphere. I think most folks, like me, saw the annual State Of The Black Union extravaganza as little more than a bunch of educated Negroes in nice suits pontificating about nothing. Sure, it shole is good seeing coloreds on the teevee, especially when those colored aren't named Ray J or Neffie, but reality is, SOTBU was a great idea that's been rendered irrelevant by the advent of black blogs and talk radio. There are lots of other places to share our opinions, and read others' opinions on those opinions in real time, on the daily now. There's no need to wait till February, and no need to find some predatory lender to underwrite the cost of Cornell West's veggie platter anymore.

            Still, that doesn't stop cable news outlets from putting on their own versions of televised race-fests every now and then. CNN did the much maligned Black In America series. Fox News gave a few Negroes MetroCards and Gray's Papaya to hold court with Glenn Beck. MSNBC obviously wants in on this hot action, and thus, their live two-hour special Obama's America, which aired Monday night.

            I still don't get the point of these shows. There's lots of big words, and lots of degrees, and lots of nice suits, but in the end, it all adds up to lots of talking and little doing.

            But what, if anything, can the AverageBro take away from these sorts of shows?

            Tom Joyner Is Not Very Bright - And by bright, I mean in the "smarts" sense, not the "lightskinnded" sense, because he's obviously very bright in that regard. While I give Joyner credit for having the big name and influence necessary to pull this whole thing off, I have to ask "what the heck of substance does he ever add to a conversation"?!? He's like a designated driver. You can't talk too much sh*t about him, because he's the one with the keys, but boy does he get on your nerves.

            Chris Matthews Is Very Comfortable Around "The Blacks" - I'll give Matthews a lot of credit. Sure, the guy is his own running joke sometimes, but it takes guts to pull together this sort of symposium, then show up and act as the clueless moderator, who's eager to learn. When you contrast this with Beck's special, where he basically taxied in a bunch of sycophants, then proceeded to lecture them about what Negroes need to do, Matthews kept a respectful distance and asked thoughtful questions where necessary. Otherwise, he let the others run the show, as they should.

            Between Matthews, the lovely Tamron Hall, and David Gregory's weird obsession with Mary J. Blige, I'd be willing to bet CNBC's Christmas party is pretty cool. Provided Pat Buchanan isn't invited, of course. Major buzzkill, that guy.

            John McWhorter Is One Creepy Dude - Sorry, but something about that guy creeps me out. How is it possible to talk and have only your mouth (but none of the rest of your face) move? Weird dude. Just weird.

            Where Are The White People?!? - I understand making blacks the focus of this race-related forum, given MLK day and all, but damn, at what point does the echo chamber get repetitive? America doesn't have a problem discussing race. White America has a problem discussing race, and until I see a similar forum with folks of all hues being open and honest about this country北京体彩网官方网站's problem, the dialogue will never advance.

            Black People Just Luurve To Talk - Seriously, how much pointless rambling is going on here? I love Melissa Harris Lacewell's writing just as much as the next man, but c'mon, do you have a clue what the hell she's talking about in this clip? Me neither. On the bright side, as least Michael Eric Dyson, noted Intellectual Masturbator himself, wasn't invited. I wouldn't have made it past the first segment.

            Stephen A. Smith's Hairline Is Atrocious - C'mon bruh. I want to take you seriously, I really do. But what the hell is up with that mini half-fro? You look like an HBCU Chancellor, not a serious brother with an informed opinion. Go get yourself one of those Steve Harvey Collection™ hairpieces, or just grab a pair of Wahls and be done with it. Let it go already. Marcus Houston, Mario, and Flo-Rida are crying inside.

            We Ain't Gettin' No Reparations - Sorry, bruh. Your 40 acres and a mule were spent on that zoot suit and Kangol. And you should go back to the Galleria and ask for a refund.

            Nobody Has A Solution For Anything - After two hours of this show, I walked away knowing nothing new about how to solve the complex issues that trouble the black community. There were plenty of $10 words, plenty of nice suits, and plenty of impressive titles on display here, but nary a tangible solution to be heard.

            And I suppose that's the point of these shows anyway. After all, if we had the answers, what would they have left to discuss?!?

            Question: Did you see "Obama's America"?!? What do you generally think of these televised discussions/debates on race? Are they informative, or merely the Intellectual Masturbation competition of The Negro Soundbyte Olympics?

            GangLand Bus Tours?!?

            Tuesday, January 19, 2010

            People I Strongly Dislike - Korean Barbers.

            As ya'll know, my quest for a decent haircut in deep suburbia has been a series of one comical episode after another. There was the dude with the animated Superman website who would magically disappear for 3-4 hours while you waited in the chair. There was the angry Black Nationalist who called me a House Negro and refused to give me anymore haircuts after I had the nerve to question why he pushed my hairline back, as if I'm FloRida or some bama. Then, there were the Jamaicans who kept leaving you in the chair while they went for a "Cappuccino" run, which I eventually realized was code for "let's go smoke some weed in the alley behind Shopper's Food". It's just been a real pain.

            Until I moved deep(er) in the burbs, I went to the same barber for years, but now this is a 45 minute ride back to the hood', and with a life and a family, who has time for that sh*t?!?

            So for the past year or so, I've been going to a Korean family-owned shop around the corner from my house. The cuts are sufficient, and what the shop lacks in typical b-shop environment, it more than makes up for with cheap cuts ($12) and quick service (in and out in 20 mins). All things considered, this isn't a bad deal, although their insistence on clowning you (in their own language) if you don't tip them gets a bit annoying.

            Anyways, since it's cold outside, I'm rockin' my customary mini blowout this winter. All the barber has to do is give me a shape up, and taper the temples a bit. It's like candy from a baby.

            For some reason, these simple instructions got lost in translation the other day when I went in. The female barber went to work, and I wasn't really paying attention since (again) what I was asking for was simple. As usual, I went about my business of Tweeting, playing Spades, and doing miscellaneous nonsense on my BlackBerry. Then I realized, for some reason, she was cutting my back and sides. Hey, wait a damn minute![1]

            By then, it was too late. She'd already trimmed my sides down to the point where my blowout was long gone. I was pissed, but well, she had clippers in her hands, what could I really do at this point? I just let her finish the haircut, paid my money (no tip, yes, she was pissed) and bounced.

            Then I get 北京体彩网官方网站, and my wife sees my haircut, and has a damn ball clownin' me. Can you believe this woman was doing the Kid -N- Play kickstep?!?

            This isn't funny at all.

            So yeah, I'm in the market for another barber. Why is this so difficult?

            Question: Do you have the same issues finding a halfway decent barber/hairdresser? How come everyone who cuts/does hair for a living is hella shady?

            [1] I have "good" hair, so it's laid down and doesn't look as high as it first did, picked out. But it's still an effed' up haircut. I'd cut it on my own, but I got a shaky hand.

            Monday, January 18, 2010

            Was MLK Really A Republican?!?

            It's Martin Luther The Kaing Day, and I'm sure most of ya'll are at 北京体彩网官方网站 watching Judge Mathis getting ready to go to a march of some sort, just like Dr. King would have wanted. I happen to be employed by one of the few companies in the U.S. that doesn't close on King Day, so I'm working. No, I'm not bitter about this. Not one bit.

            Anyways, it's long been stated (mostly by Republicans) that MLK was a member of the GOP. While this is likely historically correct (someone please confirm), it's completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, because most Negroes were Republicans back then. Somewhere along the way, we flipped sides, and now black folks reliably vote for the Dems at a 90% clip in most Presidential elections. Not that this matters to the poor sheeple that the noted bridger-of-racial-divides, Glenn Beck, bought on his show last week. What followed was one of the most mind-numbing hours of television I've ever personally witnessed. Unless you want to be nauseated by an insincere Beck pretending to give a sh*t about Haiti, just fast forward to the one minute mark.

            Here's the thing that perplexes me about "Negro Conservatives" like Charles "Jolly Brown Bear" Payne, and that chick in the white blouse who looks like TD Jakes in a lacefront. Payne even admits the numbers/stats he's showing here are sorta skewed to prove a point. The point, is what, exactly?!?

            Sorry, I just can't buy the nonsense that voting for Democrats is the reason why Negroes are locked into a cycle of poverty, crime, and broken families. If only we'd held our noses and pulled that lever for Cotton Hill and Miss Sarah, the lot in life of black chil'ren from Canton to Compton would be so much better than under the tyranny of Obama's Big Gubb'ment policies. It's just "The Man" still trying to hold a brotha down, although "The Man" is halfrican American.

            If voting for Dems year in and year out is the reason for Black America's misfortune, how then do you explain the fact that the highest concentrations of black poverty are in Deep South states run by Republicans? And if voting Republican is indeed the answer, what exactly come poor whites in Appalachia, getting in return for their reliable GOP votes? And besides idiotic talking points like "free market capitalism", what actual legislation can these Black Conservatives point to that would dramatically change the fortunes of the communities they so desperately want to save? Never mind the fact that these folks are obviously so ashamed of, and probably live as far as possible from these very same communities. Charles Payne and Miss Lacefront Jakes care. They really do.

            After watching this crap, I can only come to one conclusion: this particular brand of Black Conservative is simply trying seeking approval through political affiliation to make up for a litany of painful childhood memories. Either that, or the craft table at the Fox studios has some incredible crab cakes.

            If MLK were alive today, I doubt he'd want to be associated with a bunch of pantywaisted losers who'd kiss the pasty Mormom ass of a man who'd accused the President of being a racist who hates "White Culture".[1] Nope, he'd be shaking his head at this display of toe tappin', and wondering just where he went wrong. Shame on you boot lickin', shiftless Negroes. Shame!

            MLK is crying inside.

            Question: Can you understand the pathology and mindset of the black Conservatives featured on The Glenn Beck Show? If MLK were alive today, would be be ideologically in lock step with these people? How come folks who love quoting MLK only seem to know a couple of lines from the "I Have A Dream" speech and little more?

            [1] BTW, what the f*ck is "White Culture"? Someone care to elaborate?

            Sunday, January 17, 2010

            What's On AB's iPod?!? - The Roots LNJF Sandwiches.

            Saturday, January 16, 2010

            I Been Had Lacoste.

            Yep, Mr. Been Had is back. But seriously, I might actually have more Izods than Jose. I need to go check my closet.

            "Guacamole Lacoste"

            I'mma have to steal that line.

            That Sh*t Is Racist.

            They're Aussies, I guess we're supposed to assume they don't know any better, huh?

            Question: Is this commercial racist, or merely culturally tone-deaf?!?

            Friday, January 15, 2010

            AB On Freedom Through Speech Radio This Sunday Night.

            . Even better, Sunday night's other guest is none other than my 北京体彩网官方网站girl Thembi. Seriously, that's one helluva lineup. We're like the 03' Lakers!

            We'll be shooting the breeze about Obama's first year in office, the resurgence of the word "Negro", and the situation in Haiti.

            Tune in and call in. Trust me, it'll be entertaining.

            When Life Imitates Art. And Vice Versa.

            As an information junkie, I consume a lot, and I do mean LOT of talk radio and cable news. A staple of such shows is putting two people with diametrically opposed viewpoints (ie: Liberal vs Conservative) in a steel cage and having them duke it out with each other. While the thinking man in me naturally hates seeing people with dogmatically polarizing opinions go at it[1], I'll admit, this is much more fun than watching a thorough and nuanced analysis of an issue. Nobody like nuance. Nuance is for suckers, and people who live in Takoma Park and drive Subarus, who are also suckers. Two overly -iased people in a death match? Well, that's just plain' ole' good TV.

            Still, anyone with half a brain knows this is just a show. It's not even humanly possible for two people to disagree on everything. It just isn't. In my short radio career, I saw this dynamic in action several times, as two people would literally be at each other's throats on-air, then the minute their segment was over, they'd return to the green room to retrieve their belongings and make plans to meet for lunch at the Legal Seafood on 7th Street. It was clear that neither of the folks were all that strong in their convictions. They were simply non-SAG actors with easy-to-memorize scripts, also known as party talking points.

            I was reminded of this peculiar dynamic when someone forwarded me this clip from Hannity (a show I simply refuse to watch anymore. It's just a waste of brain cells) the other night. Watch as Rebb'n Al and the infamous Ann Coulter go in on the Harry Reid "Negro" situation. Around the 3:40 mark, Coulter (who just seems to get thinner, and creepier looking every year) literally tells a grown-assed man to "shush". And he barely flinches, which is how you know this is not real.

            No self-respecting black man would allow himself to be shushed by a tranny on national TV. And when I last checked, Rebb'n Al (despite those predatory lending commercials he did) had plenty of dignity. The man was James Brown's weedcarrier for crissakes. That's the definition of dignity. Say it loud!

            I swear, if you look at Rebb'n Al's initial reaction, it looks like his pimp hand is reflexively about to snap into action, until he remembers the check he's about to cash. Now that woulda been good TV. But of course, they make nice by the end of the clip, just like we knew they would. And then I'm reminded of this classic clip from my favorite animated show of all time.[2]

            Is Coulter really that down when the cameras are off? Unlikely, but I wouldn't be surprised if this same scene's actually played out in some fashion.

            Question: How much of cable news "debates" are just loosely scripted skits? Do these folks really believe what they're saying, or is it just a Grand Hu$tle, disguised as political activism?!?

            [1] Because it just cements the "pick a side, and defend it to the death" ethos that's so wrong about American politricks.

            [2] When is The Boondocks returning? Anyone know?!?

            Why The NBA Is The Best Sport, Evar.

            I can't even spell this guy's name, but just two weeks ago, he was toiling in the D-League for about $20k/year, taking 12 hour bus rides, eating Top Ramen for dinner, and playing in front of crowds of 500.

            Last night, in his 5th NBA game ever, he hits a game-winner to beat the Cavs on national TV. In what other sport could such a fairy tale happen?!?

            I love this game. It's fantastic.

            Behind The Blog - How AB.com Posts Are Made.

            As you might imagine, with a demanding full time gig, a lovely wife, two young kids, and plenty of extracurricular interests, keeping this blog going and updated 7 days a week is no small feat. I pride myself on keeping posts relevant, so I seldom take shortcuts and just plop down links. Nope, AB.com is all about fresh content and stimulating convo, and this requires work.

            I get my post ideas from everywhere. I'm what you might call an information junkie. I have all sorts of newspaper/blog apps on my iPod. I have about 100 sites on my RSS reader. I listen to all sorts of news/opinion shows on Sirius XM. And yeah, I even read an actual newspaper each day. Somewhere in the process, a blog post idea sticks, and since I'm a pretty quick typer, I can pull together a decent post in about 5-10 minutes, with photos, links, and video included. I spellcheck, but seldom worry about grammar. If only I could apply this same focus to other aspects of my life. I might could be dangerous!

            On the other hand, many of the non-time sensitive posts you read here at AB.com are written weeks, sometimes, months in advance and put in the hopper to auto-publish when desired. This includes our weekly staples like 3 Play Thursdays, Black White Or Other, What's On AB's iPod, Ad Nauseum, and all the viral videos that run here on the weekends. These are usually prewritten when I find myself with some rare downtime.

            My aim (as I've stated repeatedly) is to finally buckle down and pursue a paying gig at some point this year. I love writing, and making some side money/pocket change for all the grunt work would be nice. One of these days, it'll happen. Till then, if you like what you see, give the drummer some, and drop a lil' somethin' in the Tip Jar, which is to your right. Your donations are greatly appreciated.

            - Jay

            Thursday, January 14, 2010

            Don't Drop The Soap, Gil.

            [1] As for Javaris Crittenton, the moron teammate who actually did bring a loaded gun into a locker room, I sure hope you enjoy bus rides, cause I hear the D-League has plenty of em'. Good riddance, chump.

            Haiti Needs Your Help.

            or call (800) RED-CROSS.

            Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti Foundation – Text “Yele” to 501501 to donate $5 or visit .

            The Clinton Foundation – Text “Haiti” to 20222 to donate $10or go to .

            Donate at .

            Donate at .

            R.I.P. Teddy Pendergrass

            . It has some original tunes, as well as quite a few hip hop songs that sampled them. I love the internet.

            Rest in Peace, Teddy.

            WorkPlace 101: Take This Job... And Shove It.

            for yourself, and come back here and tell me 1) where your job ranks and 2) do you think the ranking matches your perception of how much you enjoy what you do. It's a unique social experiment, but I hope you'll participate.

            Question: Where did your job rank on ? Do you enjoy it?

            3 Play Thursday - Sexist Club Bangers.

            It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: Sexist Club Bangers.

            Rap music is a dynamic artform with many different genres. Some rap music is political in nature. Some is all about the upliftment of women and feminism. Some is about learning your history and re-enforcing strong black self-image.

            And some of it, well, some of it is just plain sexist trash with no redeeming social value, but catchy beats and hooks. For the record, back when I did club, I heard each of the following songs hundreds of times, but I never, never, ever saw one woman shake her head in disgust and flee the dance floor in anger. Not once.

            With no further ado, my favorite Sexist Club Bangers.

            AMG - "B*tch Betta Have My Money"

            Man, what can you say about this song? To this day, one of my most vivid memories of this early 90's West Coast Classic was that there was no proper radio edit. This song would run all day on my HBCU's radio station, with the offensive words on full display. No "itchbay" or none of that, just "b*tch betta have my money... B*****TCH!".

            Snoop Doggy Dogg ft. The Dogg Pound- "It Ain't No Fun"

            Admit it, the first time you heard this, you thought it was a really cool R&B song. Then you started listening to Nate Dogg, and realized it was anything but. This song, unlike the others, can't possibly be played on the radio. It's virtually impossible.

            Akinyele - "Put It In Your Mouth"

            Much like the other songs on this list, the lyrics to this make me cringe, but the beat is so infectious, you have to just turn your brain off.

            Question: Got any other Sexist Club Bangers you wanna add to the list. Ladies, when you hear these songs, what is your usual reaction?