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            Thursday, December 31, 2009

            Happy 2010 From AB.com!!!

            Hey, it's New Year's Eve. What're you doin' here?

            Go eat some black eyed peas.[1] Finish off that egg nog. Party like it's 1999 +11!

            We'll be back at it tomorrow, bright and early. Enjoy yourselves responsibly.

            Happy New Year from AB.com!

            [1] No Will. I. Am.

            Wednesday, December 30, 2009

            AB.com Rewind - WorkPlace 101: Do Non-Threatening Negroes Get Ahead?!?

            [1] Not to be confused with the "I own a rap label, although that really just means I'm a MySpace rapper who lives with my Mom and has really cool business cards" variant of Negro CEOs.

            Tuesday, December 29, 2009

            AB.com Rewind - How Much Child Support Is Too Much Child Support?!?

            Monday, December 28, 2009

            All The Single Ladies...

            I've only gotten forwarded this email 400 times in the past 48 hours, so although I'm on hiatus, I guess I had to say somethin'.

            I have yet to understand the MSM's obsession with the plight of unmarried black women, but that didn't stop ABC News from going in yet again.

            Ladies, let's keep it one hunned: every time this sort of nonsense runs, all it does is reinforce the "I'm a commodity, why settle down?" feeling that a lot of black men have. Seriously, if I keep getting told just how rare a commodity I am, why in the hell would I want to settle down? Think about it.

            If you want Black men to get married, why not start running lots of similar news stories about how good marriage is? All these stories seem to do is make black women look mad thirsty.

            Question: What did you think about this news story?

            AB.com Rewind - Are Black Women Each Others' Own Worst Enemies?!?

            came on. Not once. Not na'er time.

            [2] No denying it: black men have long since been indoctrinated.

            [3] Well, mostly.

            [4] Whom I think is a perfectly good looking woman for age 40-something, having popped out 1/2 dozen kids.

            Sunday, December 27, 2009

            AB.com 2009 Predictions, Revisited.

            I love making predictions. Not "stab in the dark guesses", but real, true, predictions derived from opinions based on facts and facts based on opinions. And whatnot. The cool thing about predictions is that when you're right, you look like a genius, but when you're wrong, nobody really gives a sh*t anyway. So, every year, making my batch of predictions for the coming 12 months has become a tradition here at AB.com.

            Since it's about time for new predictions and a new year, I figured this would be a good time to revisit what I said would happen in 2009, and just how close I was to reality. Here's merely a sampling of what your favorite amateur sage said would happen, and what actually did...

            AB.com Prediction #1 - "The Obama White House will have some sort of major scandal early on. This won't be tied to anything that Barry does directly, it'll be another of those "guilt by association" deals they keep trying to tag him with. But this time, it'll be serious, and he'll have to tell somebody high profile to kick rocks."

            See, What Had Happened Was - Haha. World, meet Van Jones. Van Jones, meet Monster.com.

            Net Result - 100% Accurate

            AB.com Prediction #2 - "One very high profile Black Republican will have a falling out with the party and publicly switch sides."

            See, What Had Happened Was - I was pretty far off on this one. I misunderestimated the GOP's pull on a certain segment of Negro America. Not only did these folks not turn on the GOP, despite month after month of racially charged incidents, they seem actually more emboldened in their opposition to The Beige One.

            Net Result - Dead Wrong. But I guarantee Mike Steele will have a come-to-Jesus moment sometime in the next calendar year.

            AB.com Prediction #3 - "The economy will stabilize. The plan of rebuilding infrastructure will cost a lot, but will also pay off, provided The Administration finds some concrete way to stop all the construction gigs from going to illegal aliens. Several American retail institutions will go belly up. The Dow will stabilize by mid-year. Your 401K will still be tear-inducing."

            See, What Had Happened Was - The economy actually did stabilize, and the Dow's actually pushing 11K again, just months after dipping near 6,500. Most leading economic indicators say the recession is over, but the only one people actually care about, unemployment, continues to grow. This could either be the forebearer of a jobless recovery, or a double dip recession come 2010.

            Net Result - Hit And Miss.

            AB.com Prediction #4- "A high-profile Fortune 500 company will
            catch Obamania and name a black woman CEO."

            See, What Had Happened Was - Thank you Xerox, and thank you Ursula Burns.

            Net Result - 100% Accurate.

            AB.com Prediction #5 - "The North Carolina Tarheels will go undefeated and easily win the NCAA Basketball Championship in Detroit. The Pittsburgh Steelers will win Super Bowl XLIII, making Mike Tomlin only the second black coach to do so. Oklahoma's Blake Griffin will be the #1 pick in the 2009 NBA Draft. He'll be headed to Washington. I won't care one bit."

            See, What Had Happened Was - Check. Check. And Check. Griffin didn't end up in DC, and yeah, I prolly woulda cared if he did.

            Net Result - 90% Accurate.

            AB.com Prediction #6 - "Rap music sales will continue to plummet. High profile acts like Eminem, 50 Cent, TI, and even Jay-Z will drop albums that are commercial flops."

            See, What Had Happened Was - Eminem and 50's albums both tanked. Jay-Z actually had a career comeback, and TI did decent numbers before heading to the clink. Still, all in all, it wasn't a banner year for cRap music by any means.

            Net Result - 50% Accurate.

            AB.com Prediction #7 - "Disturbed by the lack of blacks on network TV, the NAACP will again mount a campaign to force the Big Four to put more faces of color on air and behind the camera. It will prove futile."

            See, What Had Happened Was - The NAACP obviously had better things to do this year, so this issue went unaddressed. While there still isn't a single black-themed show on any of the 4 major networks, black folks still have the reality show game on lock, and now we've expanded into talk shows and cable sitcoms. Win-win-loss.

            Net Result - 50% Accurate.

            AB.com Prediction #8 - "Somebody who isn't supposed to become pregnant will. Somebody who isn't supposed to get that person pregnant will."

            See, What Had Happened Was - Uh, I don't even know what this actually meant in retrospect.

            Net Result - Dead Wrong. I guess.

            Question: Am I pretty good at this predictions stuff or what?

            AB.com. The Gift That Keeps On Givin'.

            Yep, it's the holidays, and it's beggin' time, yet again. I wanted to personally thank the folks who make the sacrifice to financially support this site with their always timely PayPal donations.

            For those unaware, this blog makes a lil' somethin' off ad revenue, and I sell a few t-shirts a month as well. But with two young mouths to feed and a perpetually dwindling personal allowance, anything extra ya'll can spare to give Yaw's Boy some walking around money is savored. For those who go above and beyond and actually hit a brotha off with financial stimuli, this post is for you. I won't call you out by name, but you know who you are, and you are appreciated.

            For errybody else thinking about supporting this site financially, I'mma tell you like the UNCF told me. Don't almost give. Give.
            Put a lil' somethin' in the AB Tip Jar. It's over on the lefthand side.

            Buy a t-shirt, mug, notebook, or other assorted AB.com swag from The AB.com Store.

            Buy some CD's, books, and DVD's from the Amazon.com carousel.

            Patronize the banner ads that blanket this site. Get your interracial date-on, since those seem to be the only ads running here of late.

            Tell a friend to tell a friend. The more readers (and commenters) the merrier.
            Freedom ain't free, and neither is the annual GoDaddy.com domain registration renewal. If you enjoy the product, spread the love and support your peoples.



            Follow Me.

            . I'm on . I'm on Google Friends (link on left sidebar).

            What ya'll waitin' on? Follow me.

            Caption This Photo.

            Saturday, December 26, 2009

            Go! Go! Go! Go!

            He's allegedly only 3 years old. And I can barely get my kid to eat his peas.

            Friday, December 25, 2009

            Merry Crim'mus!!!

            What the heck are you doin' here? Go drink some egg nog! Open some gifts! Knock some boots!

            See ya' tommorrow, we'll be back at it.

            Merry Christmas from AB.com.

            Thursday, December 24, 2009

            AB.com Rewind - Hooters Girls. Strippers. What's The Difference?!?

            [Editor's Note: I suppose this is the perfect sexist bookmark to the prior post about strippers. This is one of those posts that somehow found itself in the wrong hands, making its round on a number of Hooters fan websites. I still get literally dozens or hate messages with Hooters Girls every week. Ladies, I am sorry. It's all about the buffalo wangs.]

            The other day some buddies and I hit the local Hooters at lunchtime to catch the NCAA Tourney. The choice of Hooters is simple: The wings are great, and they have lots of plasma screen TV's. Are there other places to get wings and watch basketball? Sure. Are there lots of other places to get wings and watch basketball deep in the burbs? Not exactly. Besides, even Dickie V says it's the move!

            Hooters, FTW!

            Anyways, one of my co-workers tries to hit on the Hooters Girl who's serving us. She cold carries him, which is DC slang for "He fails miserably". He's dejected, wondering why a girl who is overly-friendly, with her ginormous man-made boobs literally spilling out her top, won't give him her number. The guy is hardly 23, and fresh outta school, so we fill him in. The girls don't really like you, they just want a nice tip.

            And then he says, "Well damn, if that's the case, how is this any different than a strip club?"

            And then I start thinking about it myself? How is Hooters any different than a strip club? Consider the parallels?
            * In both places, the women wear next to nothing.

            * In both places, the women are objectified and oggled, albeit in a socially acceptable manner.

            * Both places sell food that will ultimately kill you.

            * In both places, the women are nicer to guys than they'd otherwise be, all for the money.
            The only difference is a few pieces of clothing, and a whole lotta money. I mean, seriously, if you're working at Hooters and barely making much more than a waitress at IHOP, what exactly is the point?

            If it was all about money, wouldn't you go wait tables at a fancier establishment than one that sells chicken wings and domestic brews? It's been scientifically proven that more attractive waiters and waitresses make more money. Thus, going to an upscale restaurant (ie: Ruth's Chris or The Palm or something) would be a bonanza, no?

            That said, I can only imagine that this is largely about attention. Some women need more of it than others. Thus the literally dozens (this was a busy day) of girls in my local Hooters with breast implants, which I really don't get. Why would you get breast implants to perform better at a $5.85/hour job which can't cover the cost of said implants? Isn't that sorta hustlin' backwards? Would you go buy a Lexus to deliver pizzas for Domino's? I think not.

            Again, you're already being objectified and oggled.[1] You're hardly making much more than a girl working at Chili's. At least the girl serving baby back ribs has her dignity intact. What's the freakin' point? Go work the pole already![2]

            If I had any testicles, I would have asked her this question myself, of course. But thankfully my co-worker, the same one who got shot down, asked the very same girl a similar question a bit later.

            She just handed us our tab and kept walking.

            Question: Ladies, what exactly is the difference between working at Hooters, and working at a gentleman's establishment? Would you do either? Fellas, have you too been confounded with this very same puzzling question?

            [1] Not by me of course, by the other guys.

            [2] Admittedly not my thing.

            Wednesday, December 23, 2009

            Dear Mike Steele.

            , and it ain't pretty. I doubt anyone woulda had a problem had you gone to speak at Oral Roberts.

            Seriously, when folks resort to this sorta navel gazing, they clearly are looking for any and every reason to send you and your zoot suits packing. Are you gonna let them force you out like some bama, or are you gonna go out like a soldier?

            Man Up, Mike. Man Up.


            Question: Is this much ado about nothing, or should Steele be barred from getting side money while on the RNC payroll?

            AB.com Rewind - People I Strongly Dislike: Strippers And Their Patrons.

            [Editor's Note: I caught a lot, and I mean, a lot of flack back when this post originally dropped. I can admit, in retrospect, this prolly came off as incredibly sexist.]

            The other night I was flipping through the channels and somehow ended up on the Ice Cube/LisaRaye ghetto atrocity The Player's Club. One thing I never have quite been able to fully comprehend is the allure of strip clubs. In my short 35 years, I've only set foot in such an establishment twice, both times in the mid-90's, and both times I was with a couple of frequent commenters here (tsk tsk) who will surely weigh in with their pithy remarks you-know-where.

            The first time was a guy's night out to celebrate the early graduation and subsequent matriculation to a well paying corporate gig for one of my buddies. The club itself wasn't too far from the campus of our Negro College HBCU, and I'd frequently heard chatter on campus that some of our school's sweet and innocent co-eds often secretly moonlit there to work out their Daddy issues earn extra money for books and tuition. I'm no prude, but the possibility of running into some girl in one of my 300 level Engineering courses was certainly gonna make for an odd situation. Needless to say, I had to investigate this further.

            And wouldn't you know it, no sooner than we step in the door, there's a girl from my Astronomy class on stage, shakin' her money maker. I distinctly remembered her (let's call her Anissa) because once, waaay earlier in the semester, we'd somehow ended up in the same study group (yeah, I know, study groups for Astronomy, cue up your jokes already), which was only notable because she otherwise stayed in the back row of the classroom and didn't say much. She wasn't incredibly good looking, and was otherwise shy and reserved. She was the last person you'd ever imagine droppin' it like it's hot and doin' somethin' strange for some change.

            But there Anissa was, gyrating away to 8Ball and MJG while getting her thong stuffed with dollar bills[1]. For a very brief moment, we locked eyes, and I saw a distinct "damn!" look on her face. It was prolly the same expression of sadness and pity I had on mine. After all, she was strippin', but I was in the club indirectly paying to see her strip. I'm still at a loss for which of these is more pathetic. Help me sort this out in the comments if you feel so inclined.

            Everytime I ran into Anissa on the yard thereafter, we exchanged the same "damn!" look and kept it movin'. I could only imagine how many other dudes Anissa exchanged that very same "damn!" look during the course of everyday, and whether or not that bothered her as much as it sorta kinda bothered me. I really hope she used that lapdance money to futher her education, but if her performance in that Astonomy class was any indication of the rest of her academic success, chances are she's on a pole somewhere in America right now, and there's prolly some 8Ball and MJG playing in the background. Sad, but likely true.

            But perhaps even more pathetic than strippers are the tricks who pay to watch them strip. Again, I'm certainly not immune to the beauty of the female physique. Who is? But I don't fully comprehend why some dudes (key word: some) pay good money to be lied to, manipulated, tricked, and teased out of their money with virtually zero chance of getting anything in return. You've got a better chance of eventually scoring if you have even a minimal amount of game and meet a nice young lady anywhere but a strip club. I guess they say it ain't trickin' if you got it, but you sure as hell can't pay the rent if you blew your check on lapdances.

            I surely hope I'm not inadvertently insulting any of my readers who are exotic dancers, or patrons of exotic dancers, but could one of ya'll explain the allure of this to me?

            Question: Why do some women strip for money? Ladies, be honest. Have you ever even remotely considered doing this for cash? Fellas, if you're a patron, please explain the allure of paying for something you can't have? Aren't your chances of getting paid (rather than paying someone else) much better with any random non-stripper chick? Is it true that it ain't trickin' if you got it?

            [1] Seriously. I know tips are 'posed to add up, and you make bigger money for bigger "tasks", but c'mon. Dollar bills to grope your booty? You can't even buy a freakin' Kit Kat bar for a dollar nowadays. Have scrip clubs been effected by the recession too? Are they requiring 5 dollar bills and up nowadays? I'm clearly not up on the booty club ettiquette, so help me out.

            Tuesday, December 22, 2009

            Bringing A Snowball To A GunFight.

            AB.com Rewind - The AB.com Broken English Hall of Shame.

            [Editor's Note: You got additions, put em' you-know-where.]

            So, I'm watching the local news the other night, and they're reporting from a particularly grizzly murder scene in Southeast DC. Like always, the reporter had to pull the most ignorant, ill-informed person out of a crowd of other folks who were probably more articulate and knowledgeable about what had just gone down. Spit flew. Voices rose. Subjects and verbs were in total disagreement. Conjugation was a foreign concept.

            And Carter G. Woodson cried inside.

            This isn't anything new of course. This scenario is so common, there have been standup routines and sketch comedy skits about similar instances for years. So, of course, I got to thinking... what commonly butchered terms in the English language would I most like to see retired?

            Note, I am NOT talking about slang. Colloquialisms are a subject in and of themselves, and I've already covered that base anyway. Nope, I'm talking about folks who try their darndest to actually speak proper English, but still just don't get it right. Magic Johnson, I'm talkin' to you bruh. I'm sure a handful of you will start shouting words like "elitist" in the comments section, and hey, that's your prerogative. But I'm a grown assed man, and I just call em like I see em'.

            Without further adieu, here's the list of Broken English I Wish Would Go Away:

            Conversate - This might be a DC thang, as are many of the other items on this list. But for the last time, there is no such word as "conversate". The correct word is "converse". Back when I used to club (man, that was ages ago), I would always overhear some dude trying to holler at a girl, by saying "ay shawty come here, I'm just tryin' to conversate with you". Stupid is as stupid does, so sometimes this would actually work. Hmmmm.

            Irregardless - Also commonly used here in DC, and also not an actual word. I think The Russ Parr Morning Show used to have a segement that made fun of this all the time. Either way, "irregardless" is a double negative, which essentially means you're "regarding" something since the "irr" and "less" cancel each other would. It's like saying "incorrectless" or "imcompleteless". How dumb does that sound?

            Seen/Seent - This one really irks me, because 90% of the time it's said on a newscast. When somebody is describing an event that they didn't actually witness, but they still want to be on camera, this is the telltale sign. If they drop a couple of "I seent the whole thing", you know they ain't actually "seen" nothin'.

            Being as Though - This one is uniquely DC. I'm 99% sure it's not used outside this region because I never heard it until I moved here. This phrase is usually employed when a brother is trying to intellectualize something while he's conversating, and thus wants you to really know his emphatic opinion on a topic. ie: "DC is in really bad shape, being as though, I feel that the mayor needs to do more for the community".

            I Feel As Though - See: "Being As Though". Equally silly.

            I Might Could - I've heard Kayne West say this one alot. Might and Could are contrasting words, it's the same effect as saying "sorta kinda", but just sounds dumberer.

            Sword - For the 999th time, black people, the "W" is silent. Arrghhh!!!!

            I'm sure ya'll have your own list to add, and undoubtedly this list will prolly include something I say on the regular. Go head, I'm a grown man, I can take the hit.

            Since no post is complete without a photo or video (or so say my Google Analytics reports), I figured I'd leave ya'll with this classic YouTube nonsense. This one's pretty old, and yes, it is indeed a real news story. Please watch and enjoy.

            That clip never gets old. Woot! Woooooooooot!

            Question: Got any more phrases we need to retire in 2010?

            An AverageBro Classic: Let's Retire a Few More Words While We're At It.

            Monday, December 21, 2009

            AB.com Has A New Commenting System!!!

            , I am going to . It's pretty cool in theory. You don't actually have to "sign up" to leave a comment, but you can drop em' from any sign-in (Blogger, FaceBook, Twitter, OpenID, etc.) which should really alleviate any issues for those of ya'll who comment on the regular. Even better, unlike Blogger's Mom & Pops comment filtering system, this one blocks spam. And let's face it, nobody likes spam.

            I'mma try this out for a couple of weeks over the holidays to see if it sticks. In the meantime, let me know if you like the system and think I should keep it, or got back to the old system.

            Question: Do you like the new Disqus comment system, or should I go back to the stone age with Blogger comments?

            AB.com Rewind - Has "The N-Word" Lost All Its Power?!?

            [Editor's Note: I've managed to make it all year without a single slip up. Hope and Change, folks. Hope and Change. Feel it.]

            Earlier this year, at the request of my wife, I made AB.com an "N-Word Free Zone". I suppose this was my version of the whole "shaving off your cornrows and growing up" thing ballers and entertainers are doing lately. Still, this didn't come with much deliberation, she simply said I should stop using it on the blog because you never know who's reading, and I agreed. I consider myself a skillful enough writer to not have to resort to using such gutter language to get my point across, and I haven't had a slip-up (out of context, that is) or lost a step since. Water under the bridge...

            On the flipside, part of me wondered why it was even necessary. I think we can uniformly agree that the N-Word is most often used amongst Black folks to disparagingly describe the wayward actions of some other Black folks (ie: "Dem N-Words need to cut they damn grass, this is the suburbs!"). Sure, some folks claim to use it as a term of endearment (ie: "What up my N-Word! Let me borrow your lawnmower!") , but I haven't heard widespread usage in this manner since the Clinton Administration.[1]

            The remaining usage is obvious: as a racial epithet (ie: "We should have never let those N-Words move in this neighborhood. Do they even know what a lawnmower is?"), it's the proverbial "3rd Rail" of American slurs. But how frequently does this even happen anymore? I can't personally remember the last time I was called one by a white person, although I'm sure I was still living in NC when it happened. When was the last newsworthy mention of the "N-Word" being used as a slur? KKKramer? Dog The Bounty Hunter? The OJ Trial? Marge Schott?

            In a roundabout way, I guess I'm wondering if maybe the incessant dumbing down of hip-hop culture has actually succeeding in it's (admittedly unintended) job of robbing the word of its meaning. It's used so often, yet so seldom in its original, highly offensive context. It is possible the word, as a slur, has lost its power?

            I'm 35 years old now, with a wife and two kids. My biggest concerns in life are nurturing my marriage, raising my sons, and keeping a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. Period. Everything outside this isn't even secondary, it's thirdary, assuming that's a real word.[2]

            With that said, I honestly wonder how much I'd even be upset/offended if someone called me the "N-Word" to my face right now. I'm not an "N-Word", by whatever definition you assign to the word, despite the viewpoint of the theoretical accuser. I know this, whether the person calling me one thinks otherwise is irrelevant. Again, I can't say how I'd react if this happened (I'd probably be too shocked to react, honestly), but I don't think "whoopin' somebody a$$" would be in the Top 5 of my possible responses. Bewilderment, maybe. Amusement, perhaps. "Beat a Cracka's A$$"-level rage? I can't say for sure, but knowing myself, not entirely likely.

            Besides, let's face it, if someone really has that much disdain for you to call you that word in this day and age, what good would a beatdown accomplish other than landing you in the clink? Do you think you'd actually beat the "hate" out of them? Prolly not. I'm thinkin' you're just taking totally unnecessary penitentiary chances that will result in you getting a record, and them having a very cool story to tell at the bar.

            Again, if the intent of the word doesn't apply to you, why would you really be offended? I didn't get offended (I know, this isn't exactly apples & apples) when TLC's "No Scrubs" came out, cause I'm not one. I don't get offended when I hear all these blogs, songs, movies, TV shows about "Black Men Ain't Sh*t", cause well, they ain't talkin' bout' me. So why exactly would a word that doesn't (by whatever definition you give it) apply to me be offensive?

            If you wanna offend me, call me "Dumb". Depending on the context/setting (ie: work, my kids' school), you just might wanna guard your grill. But "N-Word"? Sorry, I'm just a bit too busy to get all worked up over something like that.

            Then again, I'm talking from a relative lack of recent experience. Until you're actually confronted with something, who knows?

            Question: Would being called "The N-Word" be grounds for you whoppin' somebody's a$$, or does the word not hold that sort of power over you? What words are "fightin' words" in this post-racial America? Got any notable instances where you were called "The N-Word"? For my white, Asian, Latino, and others, what similar words raise your ire?

            [1] Let's not get tied up in "gga" vs "gger", please. It's the same thing. If you don't believe me, go to your Grandma's house and just start spouting out either version. Tell me how long you're able to do this and still stand upright (or at least a stern talking-to).

            [2] It isn't.

            'Tis The Season... For ReGifting.

            2009 has been a great year for AB.com. Although my radio gig went belly up when NPR cancelled News & Notes, I've still managed to find bigger and better ways of spreading my patented mix of Negro Nonsense and Social Activism. I'm obviously looking for even bigger and even better things in 2010.

            That said, I's tired.

            Keeping this blog going 7 days a week is a grind, so is maintaining an increasingly demanding Day Job, and of course, there's a family of 3 always at 北京体彩网官方网站 waiting. I honestly don't know how I do it, but I'm thankful ya'll stick in here with me and make it all worthwhile.

            I'm taking a momentary pause for the cause, so I'm be outta pocket all week. In the meantime, I'm "regifting" some of my favorite posts of the past couple of years, with special updated DVD commentary. I hope, unlike fruitcake, the standard bearer of all regifts, ya'll will enjoy these the second time around. Merry Crimmus, Happy New Year, and be safe.

            ...and I thank you.

            Sunday, December 20, 2009

            The 12 Days Of TeaBagg.

            I'm just amazed there were no typos on the posters.

            Saturday, December 19, 2009

            When A Noble PSA Meets Lousy Chuuch Sangin'.

            Jesuuuuuuus, be a mute button fence.

            Friday, December 18, 2009

            Get On Your SoapBox Day.

            Sometimes when you blog, you run into issues getting posts out on the daily. The Fresh 7 days/week promise I made to you guys sometimes proves to be a bit difficult for me to keep up with. Today would be such a day. It's Q4, which is a nice way of saying the folks who sign my checks want me working. And working. And working.

            Seldom has a song so accurately reflected what my life looked like at the moment. Take it away, Isley Bros.[1]

            So, today, the floor is open. You guys have proven to be a relatively self-sustaining online community. So, start some chatter amongst yourselves. Drop links. Get it poppin'. If you've ever wanted to write your own post for the rest of AverageNation™ to respond to, this is your day!

            Sometime soon, once I get past these deadlines, I'll be back to my usual prolific and snarky self. Till then, I could use help getting over the hump. Look out for yaw's boy and take the reigns in the meantime.

            Question: Got anything interesting you wanna talk with the rest of AverageNation™ about? Get the convo started you-know-where.

            [1] Man, if there's a such thing as a slept-on classic tune, it's this one.

            Black, White, Or Other?!? - The Butt Pincher.

            Stereotypes are a way of life in America. We feed into them so readily that they take on a life of their own. But just how well do you really know your racial stereotypes?

            Black, White, Or Other?!? lists a particularly heinous crime/news story, with incriminating bits of info omitted for the sake of confidentiality. Your job is to guess whether the protagonist is black, white, or the omnipresent "other", and to tell why you guessed how you did. The best guessplanation wins a week's supply of Cyber CapriSuns. And yeah, you could prolly Google the news story to find out the race of the person, but what sorta loser does that? Seriously. And if you already know about the story, and thus the answer, sit this one out. Be a good sport. Don't cheat.

            Anyways, here's today's entry...
            Police have arrested a man for pinching a [redacted] police officer – in full uniform – inside a local store.

            Sgt. [redacted] said she thought Saturday would be just another routine day on the job. She spent all morning patrolling her division. Then she stopped by a clothing store to buy Christmas gifts for children in need. But while she stood in line to pay for her items something unexpected happened.

            “To my surprise, I felt a pinch on my backside. I was shocked,” she said.

            [redacted]’s demeanor quickly changed.

            “I looked at the cashier and she said, ‘I didn't.’ The lady standing next to me said, ‘I didn't.’ The man standing next to him said, ‘I didn't, and the man standing next to him said, ‘I sure didn't.’ By that time I noticed this gentleman, he was laughing,” [redacted] said.

            Police said the man was 31-year-old [redacted].

            “I walked up to him and I said, ‘Sir, did you pinch me?’ And he just...ha ha ha, and kind of laughed. And I said, ‘You pinched me didn't you? I need to see you outside,’” [redacted] said. “He said, ‘I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just kept looking, I kept watching, and then I just decided I am going to do it.’”

            [redacted] took [redacted] outside and called for backup. Fellow officers discovered he had outstanding warrants for minor offenses. He was arrested for those warrants and for misdemeanor assault. [redacted] also had previous arrests for robbery, drugs and theft of a corpse. He is now out of jail on bond.
            Question: Is The Butt Pincher Black, White, Or Other? Why?

            Behind The Blog - CapriSuns.

            One of my favorite childhood indulgences was the world famous CapriSun juice drink. You know em', and you prolly love em' too. Anyways, if you've been here awhile, you'll know that I give out Cyber CapriSuns when someone either guesses one of my footnote questions, or gives the best Closed Caption. If you haven't been here awhile, you're probably wondering what the heck my obsession with a child's sippy drink is.

            Simply put, the Cyber CapriSun is AB.com's virtual grand prize, awarded to the first person to answer a footnote pop quiz.

            It's also the punchline in a video skit that probably wasn't really supposed to be funny. Peep the vid for Consequence's "The Job Song" for full context. If you're lazy, go to the 55 second mark.

            Okay, now we've got that outta the way.

            Question: Juice boxes or Juice bags? Got any other AB-isms you want explained?

            Thursday, December 17, 2009

            Elin's Revenge.

            Is The NBA Discriminating Against White Players?!?

            ; it has nothing to do with luck. McAlarney is 5-11, was a lousy college defender, and is really just a one trick pony (shooting). Any guy that height with limited athleticism is going to need some to show some point guard instincts, and McAlarney didn't even play the point in college. He is the consummate example of a good college player without the skillset needed for the NBA, and he's the exact sort of player (an undersized shooting guard) that has the hardest time making the league simply because there are so many similiar players in the NCAA. It was no shock that he didn't get drafted or make a team, especially considering the fact that at one point. After pulling this stunt, it will indeed be a shock if he ever gets a call up. Enjoy the D-League, buddy. It's gonna be awhile.

            I can't really figure out the point of this story. When similar examinations of the lack of minority players in Major League Baseball are discussed, it's usually in the form of black kids not having access to baseball fields in the inner city, and a lack of little league programs that cultivate such talent. Basketball, by comparison, is hardly a sport that presents such obstacles. If you're good, you'll be found. So, I really, really, just don't get the point ESPN is trying to make here.

            Few will doubt that having more than a scant 10% of American born white players in the NBA would be better for business. I've yet to see a team where the token white guys (yes, this form of affirmative action still exists. Brian Scalabrine, anyone?) weren't all fan favorites. If anything, ESPN might want to do a special on how mediocre foreign born white players are taking up roster spots that these same American born whites used to get. But insinuating that the NBA is systematically oppressing the hoop dreams of undersized, unathletic white shooting guards is just stoopid.

            And that's why I don't watch ESPN.

            Question: Was McAlarney discriminated against, or is he simply not good enough for the NBA? Does the NBA need more white guys to make the product more attractive to middle America, or do racial quotas have no business in the sports world?

            3 Play Thursday - Songs For The Dead Homies.

            It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: Songs For The Dead Homies.

            Life and death are two sides of the same coin. You can't get one without the other, and inevitably, we'll all be judged by 12 carried by six. But funeral songs ain't one-size-fits all propositions. Sometimes "Amazing Grace" just don't cut it. Sometimes you need something a little more contemporary, and a lil' bass doesn't hurt either. With no further ado, here's a few of my favorite songs for the deceased homies.

            DRS - "Gangsta Lean"

            This is more or less the song that started it all. These brother's obviously go kicked out of The School For Performing Arts, and decided to make the best out of it situation. Come on, seriously, they don't even know how to rock the bandannas and Raiders' caps properly. I wonder if that 40 he's tippin' to the homie's memory is St. Ides or O.E. What ya'll think?

            Tupac - "Pour Out A Lil' Liquor"

            Speaking of setting trends, is it even humanly possible for more than two black men to be assembled with beers in hand, without someone repeating this dreaded phrase? I generally consider Pac a marginal rapper at best whose reputation has a lot more to do with quantity than quality, but this song still knocks.

            Ice Cube - "Dead Homiez"

            All jokes aside, Cube had the most heartfelt ode of them all. I don't even have a pithy comment to add to this. Real talk.

            Question: What's your favorite dead homiez song?

            Wednesday, December 16, 2009

            Freakin' Hilarious.

            I watched this when it happened last night. I am still laughing. I don't know how Alicia Keys made it through this with a straight face.

            Stephen Colbert >>> Shawn Carter

            It's Obama Approval Rating Time Again.

            Yep, it's about that time yet again. The polls (quietly) opened yesterday and will run for about a week. As usual, vote early and often, don't allow yourself to be systematically disenfranchised when the Blogger.com Poll Widget inevitably starts kirking out yet again Da' Man tries to administer that poll test. I don't know how many bubbles are in a bar of soap, and neither do you.

            Don't think about voting, Vote! Do it now! Do it for your ancestors! Do it for the chill'rens! Do it for my Technorati Rating![1]

            Obama registered a better than expected %75 Approval Rating when I last ran this feature the back in September. Given all the tough decisions the man's made in recent months, I personally doubt it will improve, but well, that's why they play the game.

            I'm holding my commentary for now, I'll save it for the recap. We'll see what the rest of AverageNation™ thinks when the polls close in about a week.

            Question: How did you vote? Why? Do you think the overall approval rating is going to drop, rise, or stay the same this time around?

            [1] Admit it. That video looks even more stoopid and cringeworthy in retrospect, doesn't it? Dudes, he's a politician, not a Messiah. I wonder what Palin's "Yes Ya'll Will" knockoff video in 2012 will look like? Prolly a lot like The Blue Collar Comedy Tour, is my personal guess.

            TI's Headed 北京体彩网官方网站. Well, Wasn't That Quick?!?

            Tuesday, December 15, 2009

            Ouch. Part II.

            Why The GOP Stays Losing.

            [1] To John Boehner's credit, he actually hasn't ever taken an earmark. Too bad he can't rally his colleagues to do the same.